Being confined to the bed or recliner (or simply the house, for that matter) has given me entirely too much time to think. That's what led to this post.
When I was in surgery Mr SC went to the gift shop in the hospital to get something for me. I found this a bit odd, since I had been in a few times in the last several months and he hadn't done so before but hey, I'm not complaining.
He chose to tell me about the gift after I met my friend, Val.ium (courtesy of the panic attack). Very simply he said, "I got you something." Now that I think of it, I think it's the only time in our relationship he's ever just randomly bought me something.
It's a cute lined note pad. The sheets are cream with red lines. I love my lists. :) The top has a message in the red, wooden box type thing. It's a magnetic pad and when the paper is gone, you can keep the message and use it as a magnet.
The title of the message is, "A Daily Reminder for the One I Love". He wanted to read it to me, in the state that I was in. And so he did. He's not a man of many words but he told me that when he read it, he thought to himself, "that's me".
The end says, "...Remember that you're the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me, my happy ending, my dream come true, my friend and love all wrapped up in one..."
I'm thinking so much about those words, "happy ending". At the end of all that we have endured since getting that first BFP, as I sit here now typing this with a tail hanging out of me, I'm wondering. We he still see me as his happy ending if I can never give him a baby?
Awe how sweet, that brought tears to my eyes. That was so touching. And I'm positive he will still see you as his happy ending no matter what. I bet if you asked him he would honestly say that he would. I've asked F this also and he's said he would be just as happy if it's me and him for the rest of our lives.
ReplyDeleteI agree with JC, you will always be his happy ending!
ReplyDeleteGood on him for being so sweet, I love when my hubby suprises me with things like that!
Thinking of you...
I worry about the same thing. And I think part of me worries so much because there's a piece of ME that would never be happy without a child.
ReplyDeleteHappy endings come in different packages. While it certainly won't be the path you envisioned when you first married, I do believe (hope, pray) that you will one day find your happy ending.
Hugs,
Jo
That last line is just heartbreaking to me. I've read that on a lot of people's blogs, and it makes me sad every time.
ReplyDeleteYou have to remember that your husband married you for you, not for your fertility. He doesn't just want a baby. He wants a baby with YOU. It's about your journey together, and not just the happy ending you had in mind. (No, I don't know Mr. SC, but I'm going out on a limb and guessing here.) It must be so hard to remind yourself of these things when you feel like you're failing him, but he clearly loves you like crazy.
What a sweet gift from your DH. Mr F and I have had this conversation and like JC and her DH, he said he would be happy if it was just us the rest of our lives. Our lives are complete just the way it is...a baby would be an addition to our already blessed lives.
ReplyDeleteYou are his happy ending and nothing can change that.
Your husband is a sweet man. He is a good man. You are his happy ending. I agree with Kim in that a baby would be an addition to your blessed marriage.
ReplyDeleteWe have to try to remember that we are more than our miscarriages and that we are blessed. We have to remember that.
What a sweet husband you have! I know it's hard not to question ourselves when suffering through IF, but you have to believe that YOU truly are his dream come true, and nothing will change that. Will be wishing you quick healing.
ReplyDeleteOh darling... you are his happy ending. Full stop.
ReplyDeleteYou have such a wonderful husband, Kelly. And YES. You will absolutely, 100%, without a doubt still be his happy ending, regardless of what happens. He will always love you and you will always be there for each other. Please remember that.
ReplyDeleteKelly that was so sweet of your husband. Just from what I have read he sounds like a wonderful guy and I use to worry about the exact same thing. Since everything was wrong with me, the fallopian tubes, the bad eggs, immune system issues, and my husband was A-OK, I worried that he would want a "perfect" fertile wife. I too would also think a lot about happy endings. How we always got screwed over. It is just part of the infertility grief and process. I now realize my husband loves me unconditionally even if I can't give him his own genetic child. Sometimes we have to make our own happy endings and they are totally different than what we pictured, but that is life. Concentrate on the loving thought that he picked out that special gift for you and not the words on the page. Take care.
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazingly sweet husband you have - and the title/saying - oh my gosh, i am lost for words! I agree with the others that you are his happy ending, no matter what happens!
ReplyDeleteyou have a definite keeper! You are definitely his happy ending, & everything else is just the icing on the cake! Never forget how lucky you are to be so loved.
ReplyDeleteKelly,
ReplyDeleteWould you mind telling me about the two miscarriages in which you had to have a D and C? I don't want you to think that you have to write a novel. It would be great if you could just tell me how you found out that they were not viable, and how long you had to wait for the D and C. If it is too painful, then please do not worry about doing it.
You can just go to my blog and comment. I have to approve every comment first. If you don't want it published, just tell me not to publish it.
I would just like to hear your experiences, since you had written that they were similar to my own. Thank you so much for your wonderful support during this time. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
Kelly,
ReplyDeleteI suppose we've all had that thought...I had it just a couple days ago. Know that you WILL have your happy ending, just as we all will. It may not be by way of our written script, but it WILL "BE" :)
Hope that you are healing up...you're gonna be 100% very soon :)
HUGS
What a super sweet gift! I agree with everyone else, you are already his happy ending. WHEN you have your LO, it will just make the ending sweeter :) Big ((((HUGS)))))
ReplyDeleteWhat a great thing to bring home to you. I love the message. So sweet.
ReplyDeleteYou are clearly already his happy ending. I hope that you are recovering well and feel back to normal (whatever that is) soon.
Your hubby sounds amazing!
ReplyDeleteHere's to the upcoming happy ending!!!