This may turn into a long one...just so that you're forewarned.
I'm wondering if the medication I'm taking (Lex.apro) is a really a good idea.
I'm a relatively high-strung, energetic gal. I experience emotions, although I do my best to keep them in my head unless someone really knows me.
Today, I think, is my 2nd EDD. I say "I think" because I got pregnant the very next cycle after our m/c, I wasn't 100% when I oed and an u/s very early on was a bit "behind" where I thought I would be. Irregardless, I would be about to pop right now if I hadn't already.
I forgot. Plain and simple, what day it was.
Then, when I get to school, I see my "friend" L (the one who literally hasn't spoken to me since my 3rd m/c), who is now visibly pregnant. She was two weeks behind where I would be now with loss #3. I saw her belly and thought hmm...I wonder if that's what I would look like now. I then went about my photocopying.
Kelly gets stressed and worked up about things. I am neurotic. Lately though, not so much. Surgery? Sure. No big deal. Our laptop might be dead and we have no money right now to buy a new one? Whatever. These are not characteristics of me.
I talked to SC about it. He said that he thinks that I'm just learning to deal with things better. If I'm ranking them (as twisted as that sounds), #2 was the easiest loss of the three. I replied well hey, you can't tell me that for 34 years I've had a chemical imbalance and now all of a sudden the pills have saved me.
Even now, here I am finishing this that I started during my lunch. Kids are coming in my room and I'm writing as if I'm talking about the weather.
What is wrong with me???
FWIW, I don't think there IS anything wrong with you. Those medications can be very powerful and sometimes it takes a few weeks (or even months) to see how they are really affecting your moods and your personality. The meds might just be "leveling" you out to a point that you don't feel highs or lows anymore.
ReplyDeleteIf you think it's too much...then you should DEF talk to your doctor!! KUP and ((hugs))!
Kelly, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. My sister took pax.il and it made her completely numb to everything. I could tell her the worst possible news and she would blandly say, "Okay" and just roll with it when her non-medicated self would have freaked the eff out. If this medication is changing YOU and who you are, then maybe you should talk to your doctor about switching to a different one. My sister switched to well.butrin and is back to her old self. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteText/call me if you need anything. I'm not doing anything all day. :)
Hi kell
ReplyDeleteI worked in mental health for a long time as a clinician and its possible a number of things could be happening for you...
probably the best thing to do first is talk to your doctor because a lot of it could be impacted by how long you have been taking meds ect ect.
I would not go off them without talking to your doctor first though...
Hugs.. Em
I took a low dose of Lexapro a few years ago. It affects everyone differently. I liked how it evened me out and helped me not cry so much and helped me not get "extra" happy either, if that makes any sense. I have a friend that took it and it made her feel like she was having an anxiety attack of sorts. One thing I do know, is that it changed my moods but in a good way. It also took about 14 days to really tell a difference. I don't think anything is wrong with you. Maybe your dosage isn't right or maybe you need to switch to something else. Either way, it's a good thing that you can recognize the difference in your feelings (or non-feelings as the case may be) and it's worth a call to the doctor.
ReplyDeleteWell I think that what you are describing is just your way of coping with the grief ... and that they Lexa.pro is helping you do just that. I just can't tell you I'm sorry enough. I really can't. I just wish I could wrap you up with hugs and tell you how life isn't fair and that I really hope you'll get your forever baby one day very soon.
ReplyDeleteSending you love.
I concur with what the other posters have said, and suggest that you talk to your doc about a possible change in med or dosage. Numbness can be a good thing for a time, but not for the long term.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs and prayers your way.
I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers. I hope you are back to your normal self soon.
ReplyDeleteKelly, I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. Like everyone else said, if things don't get better, maybe you should talk to you doctor about a change.
ReplyDeleteI'm not on any prescription medicine, but I find that when things get to be too much for me I "shut down" and stop feeling things. Sometimes I think it's self-preservation so I don't mentally snap.
Big hugs to you and I hope you feel better!
I am so sorry you are going through this. I have had 4 losses in the last year, so I can relate on some level. If you ever want someone to talk to who knows what you are going through, feel free to email me: eileenbzhost@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteI took Lexapro and Zoloft for years. Honestly, the Lexapro was better than the Zoloft. The Zoloft made me feel completely numb. I never cried, never got angry. Nothing. It was like my emotions were gone and I was a blank slate. The Lexapro wasn't as bad, but I was also on a really low dose. What do they have you on? Can you ask the doc to lower your dose? Or maybe take half a pill a day (I did that for a while)? It doesn't hurt to give him (or her) a call and find out what your options are.
ReplyDelete(((hugs))) Kelly. I am here if you need me. I hope you know that.
I hope you are feeling much better Kelly! Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you!
ReplyDelete(((HUGS))) Kelly! I agree that you need to talk to your Dr. There are plenty of meds out there, & maybe this isn't the right one for you.
ReplyDelete