I need to know your thoughts about something. I really do though need to stop this multiple posts in a day thing going on!
I have missed 14 days of school already this year (since August). From my miscarriage misdiagnosis, to the miscarriage, to the D&E and surprise hysteroscopy...well, it's been tough. My boss is more than understanding, as are the faculty. I have the days, that's not the issue. I just hate, hate, hate being out.
Mr SC is scheduled to have knee surgery next Friday. Not complicated surgery (although he'll be put out) but surgery, nevertheless. I was going to take a day off, yet again. What else would I do?
I got this in an email tonight from my mom:
This may surprise you, but please give it some serious thought --- stepfather has suggested that he come up to take SC back and forth from the hospital next week. He says he knows you have needed to take so many days already and perhaps he could be of help. I mentioned that the surgery may be scheduled for early AM. He said that was ok ,he would go up the night before and sleep over. Again, share with SC and give it some thought.
My jaw is still on the ground. This is not my stepfather. He is there for me, but he's not an overly caring, concerned individual. That he has offered something so generous has floored me. Of course, SC has his mother who could also take him, which wouldn't be an issue either. It's also significant of my stepfather because I moved away two hours and, well, my stepfather is a little resentful. I usually have to drive to see them, etc. etc.
As a wife, I want to take my husband and be there for him. I feel like it's my duty and I want to. I know at the end of the day, my husband is more important than my job. And, it wouldn't be an issue to have off, at all. SC has had surgeries throughout his life. I think this is like, #20. It's no big deal to him.
However, there's a part of me that seriously wants to take him up on this for so many reasons. I feel like a bad wife though for even considering it. Before you say just ask SC, he says he doesn't care and he had already offered to ask his mom and I said no.
Thoughts? WWYD?
I have a philosophy ( & this is just my philosophy, so don't be compelled to listen, or feel any guilt if you don't) you only have 1 family, but you can get another job. I too, have missed several work days this year, mostly due to TTC issues, but being who I am, my head won't be in the game anyway, if my loved one is being operated on, so I always take the day. I'm sure SC will do great, & it sounds like he can handle it, but I totally understand you wanting to support him, especially since it sounds like he's always there for you.
ReplyDeletebottom line...go with your heart, & no matter what you decide, have no regrets. Wishing GL to SC!!!
Hmm...honestly I might take SC's mom or your step-dad up on the offer. Especially if he has had multiple surgery's and it's nothing "serious" and he's not anxious about it or worried. You can still be a good wife and take care of him in the morning and as soon as you get home from school. Cook him his favorite things and pamper him at night. Of course it's totally up to you and I could see it going either way. If you feel guilty and want to take off then do that and take him, but I would't feel bad about considering it given the circumstances.
ReplyDeleteF cut part of his thumb off a little over a year ago and he was out for a couple months on disability. At first when he was in pain and healing I still had to go to work and his Mom would stop by mid-morning(she had a flexible job) to check on him and I just had to do the "good wife" things after work and at night. I wished I was able to take time off but I couldn't. Of course he's tough and said he was fine and for me to go to work. Anyways I didn't mean for this to be so long. =)
Like the others, I think you should do whatever is going to make YOU feel best. That being said, if you want to take Step-dad up on his offer, don't feel guilty for it! You are still a good wife! My MIL took me to the hospital for my lap last year, and I was fine with it (Hubby ended up coming up there later, as there were complications, but that's another story).
ReplyDeleteYou guys are blessed to have family who is willing to pitch in. I'd take this maybe as a peace offering from Stepdad, too. Perhaps he knows he's been giving you a hard time and he is trying to make up for it?
Don't be afraid to lean on others. It doesn't make you a bad wife at all! If it will lessen your stress about missing work, you will probably be able to take even better care of him.
Just my two cents!
Hugs,
Jo
I would take your stepdad up on his offer, if you won't feel guilty. Then you will have an extra day for the next time you get pregnant and go for the big ultrasound :)
ReplyDeleteIf you are going to feel too guilty, then take him. Just sit on it tonight, and I am sure the answer will come to you.
FWIW my Mom took me to the tooth extraction the other day too. She did it all and then F just took care of me at night like he always does. I didn't even ask him b/c I knew he was so busy at work right now.
ReplyDeleteOnly because I'm a nut-job -- I would take him. If I didn't I would spend the day worried and feeling guilty. By no means am I suggesting you would be too.. just my perspective. If you'd be ok during the day and have step-father calling and checking in.. then take him up on his generous (sounds like once-in-a-lifetime) offer!
ReplyDeleteI used to be the kind of person who would put work above everything else. But now that I have seen how supportive my husband is of me through all the IF madness these past few years, if he was going to have surgery I'd say screw work and get a sub. Good luck making the right choice for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm torn -- I would definitely consider taking step-father up on his offer. It is such a wonderful thing that he's offering and I would want to take that support. But, I definitely would want to be with my hubby if he was having surgery. So, I'm not very helpful here, am I? Regardless, it's wonderful to have people who care about you so much!
ReplyDeleteYou need to do what makes you feel most comfortable, Kelly. I think it's wonderful that your stepfather has offered to come up and drive Mr. SC to and from his surgery. If you decide to take him up on this offer, I'm sure he would be thrilled. But don't do it if you are going to feel guilty.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that it makes you any less of a good wife for not taking him yourself. Like others have said: You will still be there for him in the morning, plus you will have the entire weekend to care for him.
Whatever you decide, make sure you do what YOU want to do. GL making the choice and to Mr. SC. :)
I hate taking work off, too. Since it seems to be a minor surgery and your SF is willing to help out, I would take him up on the offer. You can take care of him when he's at home, which is the most important part. Just my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have two great options! If you have the time off and it won't be an issue then take the day, but if you've been feeling like you are missing a lot of time then maybe take your step father up on his offer. It sounds like you can't go wrong with either decision!
ReplyDeleteAs long as you won't feel guilty about it or worry about him all day, take your step-dad up on the offer! The nice thing is that you'll make your step-dad (who doesn't seem to make these kind of offers often) feel needed. Don't worry too much about missing work, though, if that's what you decide to do. At some point, someone else at work will have a life crisis that you will have to cover for in some way, and it will all even out. Good luck with your decision.
ReplyDeleteGo with your Gut, it never leads you a stray :)
ReplyDeleteHugs to you and I hope you are healing and feeling much better :)
Hope hubby's surgery goes well, as I know you will be a good nurse.
I would take stepdad up on the offer... it might be a nice way too of mending that bridge from the move.. I know for you though that you will make the right decision.
ReplyDeleteI think I would let stepdad do it, too. It's something that might allow for a little bonding?? Maybe? Unless he'll hold it over your head?
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you, too, for your losses. We had just one miscarriage, and I was an emotional wreck. I can't imagine three.
ICLW