Despair. Disbelief. Approaching Rage.

I've never really felt as though things came easy for me in life, whether it be money, grades, etc. That's just fine. That was one thing about Mr SC that was so different when I met him. Falling in love with him and our relationship was just so easy.

It seems though, that the powers that be perhaps think we shouldn't be together. We have faced crazy, ridiculous challenges since we have been together. Let's see...obviously there's the IF stuff and the three miscarriages this year. DH had two surgeries and he was out of work for nearly a year. Then, he was cleared to go back to work and got laid off two weeks later. Sure, that's the economy and I'm glad I have a full time job and we have a roof over our heads. Add the fire at our house and the flood that followed a month later and it's been an uphill challenge for us. I'm glad things have made us stronger instead of pushing us apart.

So, imagine my surprise when I actually Oed early this month. My RE wanted me to have a hysterscopy and it originally looked like it was going to happen on 1/6, meaning I would miss three more school days this year (I've already missed 12 since August). I Oed early, and because my LP is always 12 days or under, that cleared the way for surgery on 12/30, over my winter break (I'm a teacher). Not the best way to ring in the new year but hey, I was glad. I caught a break!

Looks like that's not going to happen. STILL no AF. I've spotted a tiny bit for the last couple of days, but other than that, NOTHING. I am so incredibly angry. I am just in such a state of disbelief. Perhaps this is some sort of sign from my body...hey Kelly, don't mess with your lady parts. You aren't meant to reproduce. If you didn't get the hint from the three miscarriages, here's the reminder.

Merry Fucking Christmas. That's right. I didn't even try to censor it. I'm sorry if that offends you, but that's just the tip of the expletive iceburg for me today, my friends.