So I have a stepson. He's six and he's with us Thurs-Tues every other week. Struggling with IF/RPL, I know you'll understand that with only the third sentence of this post, when I say that he was an "oops", I'm not meaning that to be rude/callous/whatever. It just is what it is. DH was silly and stupid and in a shorter relationship and, well, oopsed. It's an odd situation because he and the other individual barely speak (he tries when it's about DS and she won't). It's an odd situation too because she broke things off with DH when she was two or three months pregnant. Anyway.
DS and I aren't close. I used to try to bond/whatever with him. I gave up. When I say "bond", I don't mean the...oh I want to be your mom-away-from-home bonding. Just trying to make a connection. It's also tough (for DH and me together, not as if we are at odds or anything) because DS can clearly do things in his other household that we don't agree with. But whatever. This all is tough for DH because, well, literally he makes himself pay mentally constantly for the "oops" even more so now because of what he and I have been through. I don't make him feel this way, he pretty much does it to himself. I suggested he see a counselor (either with me or without) but he's not interested.
So that's the background. I'm not upset about this or anything. That's not the point of the background. It's just background. I knew everything from day one and I didn't mind. It's been tough though, with what's going on with us.
Anyway, DS just gave me a "Mom" card, "I Love You So Much" that he made at school. I appreciate the gesture (although he doesn't generally call me "mom", he thinks that any mother figure in his life gets that title, but I digress...)
This is going to sound cold and unfeeling, but he was so proud of this card and I just sort of looked at him. I said thank you and kissed his head but obviously here I am so it bothers me. I don't want him to call me "mom" or any variation of the word. I'm not his mother. I hate when DH refers to me as "mommy" with the dogs. I'm not a mom and I have an empty uterus to show for it.
I COMPLETELY understand! I have 3 step-children. The oldest and youngest were oops. The middle one was planned, but that doesn't make it easier because as DH tells it, they decided one day to have another then boom, there he was.
ReplyDeleteI have a great relationship with my three steps, but it gets tricky. I want to be recognized for all the things I do and feel, but at the same time, I dont feel like I deserve to be given Mothers day cards etc.
Just remember, you are not alone out here.
I'm so sorry! That sounds like a tough situation and it would bother me too. Dirty MIL once wrote DH a card that said he was such a good Daddy to Milo (my dog), it made me sick. I don't want to be referred to as a Mom b/c I have a dog either. Hope you feel better soon, ((hugs)).
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad about feeling that way--they are YOUR feelings and any feeling you have is perfectly OK! ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter note...glad you and DH had a great time on your date night the other night. We never have those, either and I can't EVER for the life of me figure out why we don't!
I'm sorry, Kelly. I know this situation has to be so hard. I think that you are an AMAZING person for the way you have dealt with everything so far. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteugh... I SO understand where you are coming from. I have a 10 year old step-daughter from a 'fling' he had in high school... they broke up because she was sleeping with a few other guys, a few months later, she popped up pregnant, he didn't think it was his until he got the results back from the paternity test he took on his way to basic training.... it frustrates me that she was able to give him something that I have yet to. A beautiful child. It also bothered me that HER mom had her call me Mom. It's weird... and when I say, "I just want to be a mom" he once made the mistake of saying, "You're her mom... that's what she calls you". Well, fine, she calls me that, but I didn't get to watch her grow up, (she was 5 when we started dating), my opinion doesn't matter in child rearing activities.... I'm more of a babysitter she calls mom.... I feel for you friend!
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