I'm really trying to take some time to think about this. I absolutely love Christmas. My favorite part is all of the decorations/lights. I just love it. As much as I'm hurting right now, I've pledged to not let TTC rob me of enjoying it.
Mr SC and I started TTC in July 2008 but last year, the holidays weren't bad. I never really caught myself thinking oh, I should be pregnant by now or anything like that. This year though, I should be doing all of the "Baby's First Christmas" stuff, or at least be ready to pop or be well into my 2nd trimester.
The following is what I've come up with so far about how I'm going to try to cope. Any thoughts/advice/comments are welcome. I guess that's obvious, since I'm blogging about it.
1. Do what I can and only what I can. If I'm having a bad day, screw it. I'm not going to go through the motions.
2. I'm not doing anything I don't feel I can do. Thankfully, even though Mr SC has a very large family, they don't have many set traditions for Christmas. The only one is at his mother's house on Christmas Eve. It's huge. Mr SC will be hurt if I don't go. I'm going to try. Perhaps medication will help me with this. I don't know. When I need to leave though, I'm going home. I should be able to slip away easily, as about 20 people attend the chaotic, but fun, festivities. The length of my stay will depend in large part on if my SIL is there with newborn. (I'm not meaning to be repetitive, but for those who don't know the background, it's the SIL who had the same EDD as me from my first loss and gave birth on the day of my D&E from my 3rd loss).
3. No stockings this year from "Santa". It just reminds me that there should be one extra there that isn't.
Not much of a list yet, I know. It's a work in progress. That's where you come in.
What do you do to help yourself cope with the holidays?
I wish I had some great advice for you. I'm currently not decorating, only shopping for the kids in the family & my Mom. I may change my mind and ask DH to get me a tree on December 23rd, but until then.. I'm doing as little as possible.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this wonderful post. What a great idea, as so many of us are just struggling to get through.
ReplyDeleteI definitely think that it is great that you will try to go to the party. But remember, if you can't do it, that is COMPLETELY OKAY. You have got to protect yourself. I do think that some medication that night will help you if you do end up going. That is what the medication is for, as my psychiatrist would tell me.
This Christmas, I am going to be like Michelle, and do as little as possible. I may get a tree on Christmas Eve as well, but if not, that is okay.
I am going to try to make it through as best as I can, realizing that I have only 30 days to endure this pain.
I put out a red candle with some red beads surrounding it. I put up one nativity scene, so that I can focus on the real meaning of Christmas for me. I put up the ornament that we bought our angel baby. I light candles, but not Christmasy ones. More like chocolate or this great "Almond Joy" scented one I got, like the candy bar!
I will probably visit my family, but only for a short while.
I think the best thing is to just make it through as best as we can, realizing that we do not have to be superwomen. We need to realize and acknowledge that it is going to be a hard month, but that we will make it through.
I am so glad that we all have each other :)
I actually got a tree for the first time and I adult decorated it.... you know in an adult style. this helped. I am buying a fab book and not letting myself read it until the day.
ReplyDeleteI set up what if plans...
ie what if SIL comes over... I can say hello nicely and go help grandma in kitchen
I set up personal list of smart ass responses to inappropriate questions and then decide if I am going to use them...
hope some of this help.
I think I'll get through the holidays by letting myself feel what I feel and not apologizing for it. I do this through constant, repetitive talks about my feelings with my DH. I'm shocked he hasn't put a muzzle on me yet!
ReplyDeleteHe likes to be the strong one, so he doesn't volunteer his emotions about our losses very often, but it helps me when he tells me that yes, he's hurting too and yes, he's scared too. It helps me to remember that we're a team and we're in this together.
I like number one. I would just say take one day at a time and see what you can do and what you can't. Also find things that make you happy and enjoy them.
ReplyDeleteJoey and I are taking the cowards way out this year: avoiding baby time as much as possible. We're only spending about two hours with his family on Christmas morning (arriving late enough to miss baby's first Christmas with my nephew). Then we will politely exit and spend Christmas afternoon and evening at the Magic-Celtics game and then dinner. Alone. I just keep telling myself that if I can make it through those two hours, that's it. That's all I have to do, and then I'll be rewarded in the end with a fun evening with my husband.
ReplyDeleteI think your plan sounds good so far....especially #2. You have the absolute right attitude about "only doing what you can do."
ReplyDelete((hugs)) waaaay in advance! :-)
Thanks everyone. Your responses were helpful in so many ways.
ReplyDeleteI may set a time "window" goal. Perhaps I'll try to give myself an hour or two hours and then that's it. I can be finished no matter how I'm feeling.
Shawn, your DH sounds much like mine. He keeps so much in, which he says is for my benefit. It helps though when he lets things out.
Em, I found this interesting..."I set up personal list of smart ass responses to inappropriate questions". That would be a good post, if you'd care to share at some point. :)