Why Can't I Just Be Normal?

I know, I know...there are those who will philosophize about the meaning of "normal" and say that abnormal is the true normal. Well, guess what? I disagree.

I never was normal. I could read at 3 1/2, pretty much all by myself without anyone teaching me. I've never had a cavity or broken a bone. I never even had chicken pox until I was 28. Those things though were "good" not normal. If I'm going to be so abnormal, why couldn't I get the Boardwalk piece for McDon.ald's Mono.poly? (Gasp! I'm fessing up! Sometimes nothing will cut it other than those fries!)

And now this.

All of us in this IF boat know the rest. I don't have to go on about oops babies. Wow, that's tough to just leave that sentence there without elaboration. Or those who TTC and have luck on the first try.

Where most of this came from today (since yesterday I was in such a *good* place) was a conversation a few of my senior students were having today in study hall. They were talking about dominant and recessive traits (I guess from biology class) and were talking about their babies one day and what they would be like. It was such a sweet and innocent conversation and I thought...hmm, you have no freaking clue. Of course they wouldn't.

I almost wish that I were never able to get pregnant in the first place. Then I wouldn't have to deal with these freaking losses and all the shit that comes with it. I hate the damn roller coaster. Yes, in many ways it's a relief to not deal with the anxiety daily but seriously...to be sooo high and come crashing down so hard and then be expected to function like a normal person. WTF is that?

So yes, it's nice to be able to breathe again for a bit. That will last for another 96 hours until my appointment with my OB/GYN.