Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Nothing's Happening

Absolutely nothing.

I'm 10w1d today and my body still hasn't recognized that this pregnancy isn't viable. I am still holding out hope that I don't have to take the cytot.ec, but only time will tell.

This waiting is absolutely horrible. As if miscarriage isn't bad enough. I'm still at home, because all my plans for school are taken care of and because I'm scared shitless of going back, only to start miscarrying and having to leave abruptly. It's difficult for me to function and carry on as if I'm some sort of normal person, when I feel anything but.

Bottom line? My body can't even miscarry right.
Posted by at

23 comments:

  1. WendyMay 5, 2010 at 2:16 PM

    Kelly, I'm so sorry you are still in limbo - I can't even imagine how hard it is just waiting for a miscarriage to happen. I hope that your body will realize soon and that you can start healing emotionally and physically. Praying for you and sending you hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMay 5, 2010 at 2:16 PM

    ((((HUGS)))

    ReplyDelete
  3. RDMay 5, 2010 at 2:23 PM

    I'm so sorry, Kelly. I hope your body gets it together soon so this agony can end. (((HUGS)))

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousMay 5, 2010 at 2:39 PM

    I hope that your body responds soon, Kelly. I hate seeing you go through this. (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMay 5, 2010 at 2:42 PM

    I am so sorry sweetie. I know the hell you are living right now and no one deserves it. I hope things happen soon so you can begin the recovery and healing process. We are here for you. (((HUGS)))

    ReplyDelete
  6. AlexMay 5, 2010 at 2:48 PM

    I am so sorry you have to continue to go through this awful waiting thing. Thinking of you, and sending you some virtual hugs...

    ReplyDelete
  7. erikaMay 5, 2010 at 3:12 PM

    I am so very sorry this is not getting any easier for you:( Tremendous hugs, lot's of love and positive thoughts your way.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Glass Case of EmotionMay 5, 2010 at 3:34 PM

    I am so sorry. Being in limbo makes everything about this harder. I can completely understand not wanting to go back to work. When it's actually happening, I cried every time I was in the bathroom.

    Many hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
  9. adsfMay 5, 2010 at 4:01 PM

    I found out at 8 weeks I was going to miscarry. I didn't start bleeding until 11 weeks. The wait was awful.
    So sorry you're going through this!

    ReplyDelete
  10. AdeleMay 5, 2010 at 4:30 PM

    I'm sorry. Waiting is awful, especially when you know the eventual outcome. It just isn't fair.

    I don't know if this helps but, in a strange way, your body is doing what it's meant to do. It's holding fiercely onto the pregnancy. It just hasn't realized that it isn't viable. As terrible as this is right now I like to think that this will mean very good things, one day, when everything lines up correctly with a healthy pregnancy. That your body (and mine!) will display a similar fierceness.

    But for right now, it is so very awful:(

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousMay 5, 2010 at 5:01 PM

    I'm so incredibly sorry you're going through this! (((HUGS))))!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. AnonymousMay 5, 2010 at 5:06 PM

    Oh Kelly
    I dont know what to say except I am thinking of you and sending prayers upwards that you can be supported and loved through this terrible time. Still here, still listening.

    ReplyDelete
  13. SkyMay 5, 2010 at 6:55 PM

    again, RAWR! i'm sorry you have to go through this. I felt similarly in wondering why my body couldn't get it's act together and do what it's supposed to do. But I agree with Adele...your uterus is in denial and is still holding on to hope of being a fiercely awesome baby carrier...and some day it will. Give it time (or help it with cyto.tec) and give urself time too. but I know in your heart and mind that you'd like to just move on...

    ReplyDelete
  14. RebeccaMay 5, 2010 at 7:16 PM

    I'm just so sorry Kelly.

    ReplyDelete
  15. LuckyOnceMay 5, 2010 at 9:26 PM

    What a terrible situation to be in. I think that was the reason I chose the D&E each time. I just couldn't bear the thought of carrying them around when I knew that they hadn't made it. It was too hard. Thinking of you...

    ReplyDelete
  16. AnotherDreamerMay 5, 2010 at 11:43 PM

    (*hugs*) So sorry. Mine did that with the second one, just hung on to it (*sigh*) I did use the cytotec... my experience with it was pretty bad, but I was glad to get it over with. Hope it doesn't come to that for you. The waiting is just awful. Thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  17. LeslieMay 6, 2010 at 8:58 AM

    I am so sorry, Kelly!! I am thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  18. wifeyMay 6, 2010 at 8:59 AM

    Oh girl I am so sorry. ((hugs)) I really hope your wait is almost over.

    ReplyDelete
  19. AnonymousMay 6, 2010 at 9:06 AM

    Kelly, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I'm praying that you'll find a way to get through this and heal.

    ((big hugs))

    ReplyDelete
  20. MarybethMay 6, 2010 at 9:18 AM

    I hate you have to experience this!! (((HUGS))) contact me if you need me

    ReplyDelete
  21. LisaMay 6, 2010 at 9:42 AM

    oh god this is just horrible. i really wish i could do something to make this easier on you ... i'm thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  22. TeeJayMay 6, 2010 at 11:49 AM

    Kelly, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. My heart aches for you. ((((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  23. BethMay 6, 2010 at 1:13 PM

    thank you for your comment at my blog.

    thank you x1 million more considering what you are going through.

    it sounds horrendous. but i hope what adele says is right, that it means that one day your body will hold on fiercely to the baby you get to keep. (my baby had died four weeks before i found out, so i hope the same thing for myself.

    i'm thinking of you. xx

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)