I'm wondering what this means, how it's changed over time and what it means for those of us who are struggling with IF.
At one point, the very essence of being a woman revolved around bearing children. It was an expectation to do so. Many people have and even still believe the sole point of being married is to have children. Has this societal expectation really faded?
For those of us who are struggling to get (and stay) pregnant, does this compound the pain?
I hate that there is a stigma attached to women who either cannot have children or choose to not have children. It's one of those *gasp* type things that I don't get. Why can't people just be less judgemental and accepting of others?
I'm just glad that I'm a woman now instead of then. Seriously...married and 35 without children? It's like I'd be some sort of disgrace to uteruses everywhere.
*gasp*!!! People really cannot fathom or comprehend being married with no children unless you're extremely young. Ever since I got married 3 years ago, random people constantly ask, "So when you are you having kids?" or "Knocked up yet?" I get that it's the "next logical step" for most people. In fact, I thought it was the next logical step for me. But maybe it isn't. I don't know.
ReplyDeleteHowever, if things don't work out, I don't think that makes any of us less of a woman. How sad that people are programmed to think that way.
For me, the fact that my body just cannot do what it was designed for has really f**ked with my sense of womanhood. I've found that since we've started on this journey, I dress in a much more provocative way (sometimes!). I definitely relish it when my hubby's friends flirt with me - it makes me feel like I am an actual woman, you know? Kind of wrong, but hubby doesn't mind, and it makes me feel better.
ReplyDeleteIntellectually, of course, I know that I am not any less of a woman because I can't stay pregnant. But my intellect rarely comes into play with IF related things.
I decided a while ago to not let IF define me... why should it? I am more than IF... and there's a lot in this life that I would like to enjoy since I don't have any children.It took me a long time to get to this point.. frustration pushed me. I got sick of depression, sick of crying, sick of feeling horrible. you are more than IF and I hope that you know that you are beautiful, and wonderful, and a great person despite IF....
ReplyDeleteI definitely am glad I live now rather than in the past. I wasn't married until 33 and am still childless at 35. In the "olden days" I would have been Donna Reed as a librarian if George Bailey were never born!! :) Talk about marriage and children defining a woman! Sheesh.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I think that we have to work on defining ourselves and not letting others define us. It's a tough thing to do.
I got married at 31 and will be 33 in about two weeks. I sometimes think my family views me as a "cautionary tale" of watiting too long. Sad, but true.
ReplyDeleteI'm 36 with no husband or children. My "manfriend" and I are working towards marriage and children (hopefully in the next 2 years). I feel the pressure. I felt the pressure probably since I turned 30. Its like "what are you doing with your life?" So once I finally do get married, I already know TTC will be hard because I have PCOS. People have already asked me "what are you waiting for?"
ReplyDeleteI wish I had the ovaries to tell those people to go do such-and-such to themselves, but my ovaries aren't that bitchy. LOL
Yes it is difficult. I don't know why people ask when you're having kids if in their mind they will only be happy with one of 2 responses--I'm pregnant, or I will be pregnant soon. It is hard to move on though, I still struggle with figuring out how to keep a decent balance and I fear I fail miserably at times.
ReplyDeletethanks for stopping by my blog today
iclw
I'm really glad I'm a woman now, & not in the past! I didn't even get married until I was 38. I would've been a complete outcast!!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I think that the pressure is still there especially in more conservative communities and in the church that I go to. That said, however, I think that people are much more tolerant and open these days on the whole. I know several women who have chosen not to have children and nobody makes a big deal out of it. I didn't get married until I was 33 and I did get a lot of comments and pressure about that. Finally it got to the point where I would say that I put in an order for a husband at Macy's but that Macy's didn't have any husbands on stock and that he was on back order. Hmmm.... maybe I should start using that comment for a baby. Anyhow, people should realize that finding Mr. Right and starting your family isn't always necessarily that simple. Thanks for stopping by my blog. Happy ICLW!
ReplyDeleteI am now an adoptive mom and loving it and although there is a chance I can get pregnant, we have many obstacles to overcome. We did ART for 4 years with only an ectopic pregnancy. I never felt like less of a woman believe it or not until this past week. I mean, i have always felt left out of what women are supposed to do. I may never relate to breast feeding or birthing or holdng my newborn baby. But I am a mom, just the same. I do feel bad that my body does not "work." i do feel bad that I will probably never experience pregnancy with my mom and husband. It is very tough.
ReplyDeleteICLW