This has always been something that has baffled me, well before any of this IF stuff of the past almost two years.
Why is it that when a woman gets married, she becomes husband's wife. Then, when she has children, she becomes child's mommy. What happens to the woman that was there all these years before? Why do some women almost cease to exist as they get older?
Last night I was at a dinner. I'll spare you the details of the who/what/why. It was with a group though of wives/husbands that I don't know very well. I was dreading the evening (you know, for fear of all those questions). Immediately, the host says, "why don't the men sit at this end and the women can sit at that end?" Um, I went somewhere with my husband. Why are we segregated? But, whatever. I ended up sitting next to Mr SC anyway.
And so it began.
All of the mommy talk. And all of the tricks of the trade how to remove stains from clothing talk. And then I got to hear about how two of the four other women had "oops" babies and I got to all those stories. Freaking wonderful. I grabbed Mr SC's leg so hard once, he jumped.
That's all these women talked about. Their children and their laundry strategies. Is that all you are?
The men? They were talking about sports, beer, grilling, hunting and after a few drinks, a bit about sex. I was much, much more comfortable with that conversation that the other one (well, besides the hunting). This is one reason why I hate to get together with other couples or even other women for that matter. Don't they have hobbies? Or lives?
Even if I am fortunate enough to be a mother one day, Kelly won't cease to exist. I do realize I will have less time to myself, but hey, I will still have hobbies and interests all of my own. Thank god that most of my female friends (that I have selected, not wives-of) either don't have children or still have a brain.
Thankfully the rest of the weekend was nice.
I just realized that I hate 2 of the four women you had dinner with last night. Just thought you should know. ;)
ReplyDeleteAmen Kelly!
ReplyDeleteAmen, I agree. I hate getting together with the wives of F's friends. I have NO problem with him inviting 8 guys over for video games, pizza, chilling, but if he decides to change it up and invite their wifes (kids) for a cook-out I freak out!!! I hate it! I feel more comfortable talking to guys nowadays too.
ReplyDeleteCouldn't agree with you more!!! I'm still supportive of whatever women feel they want to do but what's funny is that I used to think I'd want to be a stay at home mom but ironically I've realized how important my work is to me and that I wouldn't want to give that up because that's so much of what makes me 'me' and makes me happy.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!
I can't stand that. I have a friend who I truly hope I will be like 'when' I become a mother and one that is the epitome of what I don't want to become (like those you were speaking of). I think that the fact that you recognize it speaks volumes to the mom that you WILL be. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteKelly,
ReplyDeleteStay true to the woman you are, hold on to your independant identity. I can relate to where you were...I was trapped in a car not so long ago with 3 women who talked incessantly about birth, breast feeding and diapering! All I could think of was "will I ever know?" Then, I was reminded I am so much more...even though I want to be a Mommy, I want to be more than that....I want my own identity :)
HUGS
I completely agree. This is something that I have struggled with among my friends for some time. I feel like many of them forget that they once had a life. It almost feels selfish to say that I am vowing not to lose myself, but I think it's more selfish to forget who you are. I think kids need a mom who is an example, who is happy and fulfilled with herself and whose life doesn't only revolve around everything that they do. It seems like a surefire way to forget that you're married and then when your kids leave the house, you look at your husband and can't remember what you had in common.
ReplyDeleteIf it's not obvious, this is something that is so prevalent among my friends and it scares the crap out of me!
How dreadful. I've become so annoyed with my friends who only post on facebook about their babies-- they've got jobs, interests, hobbies, brains. Can't they post about some of those things once in a while?
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything you said. I think it is one of the reasons that I don't have many friends. I am sorry you had to endure that conversation.
ReplyDeleteyet another fabulous achingly true thought provoking post from you Kelly. I too can relate to this post...
ReplyDeleteLove this. It irritates me to no end. I wonder if it does because I'm crazy independent and have a hard time handing over stuff to Fred (or anyone else) that I know I can do myself. It's a little roundabout way of thinking, but I think that has something to do with it. Maybe the more independent you are before marriage and during marriage, helps combat that.
ReplyDeleteI learned about 6 yrs into my marriage that I was much more comfortable with the men than I was with the women. That, coincidentally, was around the same time that the babies started popping up in my social circle. What you write about is so true. Women do seem to loose their identity and it's such a shame.
ReplyDeleteBeen there and know all to well about those conversations... I hate them.... you are so right when you say that women loose themselves.... I don't think that they can help it.... once my time comes... I may loose myself as well... I hope not... but it may happen at least that first year.... but I will still have MY life..
ReplyDeleteI totally agree. It so sad that some women that had such complete lives before can only discuss one topic. I'm sorry you had to endure that evening!
ReplyDeleteI agree wholeheartedly with this- I used to blame myself- was I being selfish? Even my own sisters have done this at times. It's frustrating to see people lose themselves and their interests. I don't want my entire life to be a baby, but I do want it to fit into my life and lead by example.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with this. Whenever I'm with a group of married women with kids, I usually have to tune out of the conversation because it largely consists of what fabulous thing their child did that day, or the color and consistency of their poop. It's ridiculous how becoming a wife or a mother changes so many women. It's not to say that we won't be excited about becoming mothers, but I think we will be able to continue carrying on "normal", adult conversation when with a group of friends.
ReplyDeleteI've always told Joey that if I start talking about shit and vomit on a regular basis when we have children, he has my full permission to call me out on it.
Totally agree. It's one of the many reasons we seem to avoid our friends with kids...
ReplyDeleteReplying very belatedly but..I wonder this, as well. It’s like women’s brains get displaced with their marriages/pregnancies. And I think for a lot of women that really IS the end-all, be-all of who they are. I’m not knocking it (necessarily) just saying that I find it somewhat depressing. My role models are women in happy marriages who are good moms but who still have lives beyond that. Actual identities as actual people. But it’s rare.
ReplyDelete