How much of your life do you live around the question...
What if I am pregnant?
I don't mean this in the traditional TTC sense. Not the 2WW or 1WW increments. Not all those lovely AF symptoms that you analyze in the hopes that they're just a little different this time.
What I mean is planning your life.
Mr SC and I are planning a long weekend to Washington, D.C. for our anniversary this summer. We got talking though last night about going to the beach (Mexico, maybe?) this summer instead for our anniversary. And then it started.
The back and forth. What if I'm pregnant? What if I'm super early pregnant? What if I'm pregnant and something happens? What if I'm not pregnant and we need the money to go the IUI route?
I know the "what if" game is killer. I try my best not to play it. I think this is different though. After three losses, I know that I'm going to be scared to do anything out of the ordinary. No jet skis or anything like that.
So...if we would opt to not take this trip, are we slaves to TTC? Or, is there nothing one can really do about that?
Just curious. Have a great weekend, everyone.
Oh, I know... it's so hard. After the first year, I told myself I wouldn't be captive to this and only planned in 3 month increments... This year, after 2 years of TTC, I decided it's no holds bar. Who knows when this will happen and I think I've recognized that it will likely be a long road and/or in order to keep my sanity and not have my life only become all about this, I have to plan out without the 'what if'. I've felt much more peaceful this way. But it's whatever works for each person. Your plans sound fun!!
ReplyDeleteI am right in the middle of making this same decision right now and I hate it! We need to think about getting a new car. But how much bigger does it need to be? Well, we don't know because we don't know how many kids we'll have to fill it. Even though our old car is dead...should we delay getting a loan when we may need money for IVF? And the questions go on. I for one hope you have your holiday because I'm sure you need it. I haven't had one in ages! Yes, we are slaves to TTC. It is out of our control. But were MUST find ways to be happy regardless. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteThe "what if" game sucks. Mine isn't about "what if I'm pregnant" because the odds of that happening are bleaker with each passing day. Instead, I constantly worry about treatments and having to be in town for monitoring appointments, etc. We want to take a trip this summer and people have invited us for long weekends to visit but all I think about is "what if I do another IUI cycle and that falls on CD__?" or "what if we decide to do IVF and we have to ___" I'm too scared to plan anything right now. It sucks.
ReplyDeleteWe know that game really well in our house... One side of me rails against it and thinks we should live our lives and plan regardless of our ttc journey (and I sometimes hope that being "reckless" and spending money on trips, minor house reno's etc., will land us knocked up because simply because we went the "reckless" route but alas.... with new hardwood floors and new furniture on order, that hasn't happened yet). The other side of me is entirely on hold in hopes that we'll be laying low for the next several months. Its hard to plan and that sucks.
ReplyDeleteHa - Kelly - I JUST realized that I did this yesterday when I went to renew my monthly yoga pass and thought, maybe I should get the 3 month one because it's cheaper in the long run and then I thought, but 'WHAT IF'... Grrrr. I'm still holding myself hostage!! And here I am doling out all this advice and didn't even realize that I had done just the opposite yesterday!!! Oh well, I guess it's all a journey. Just thought I'd fess up :)
ReplyDeleteKelly :)
ReplyDeleteI am right with you on this one! We too want to plan a 10 year anniversary trip. My hubby wants to go to the Carribean and charter a sailboat or motor yacht to see some of the islands. After 10 years he wants to do something special, but we are perplexed by the details of our lives at this moment. Currently I am waiting on FSH results and an appointment with an RE to develop our TTC plan further.
Part of me is so tired that I just want to live my life and the other half of me wants to realize this dream. The choice is complicated, but I believe you just play it by ear and go with your gut. I'm not a big risk taker, but soemtimes you just have to lead by FAITH.
Best of luck with your decision and I pray that you see that BFP very, very soon :)
Many HUGS
Hey Kelly! Sorry I,ve been so absent lately. I've been thinking about you, though! I've caught up on your blog and I hate that the last few weeks have been tough. I'm so glad you made the decision to do things just for yourself each week.
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
Oh, I so know how you feel! And you really do feel like a hostage, but I also tell myself that this is the most important thing going on in our lives right now. So I think it deserves some consideration. I recently had to turn down a good friend's bach. party to Arizona in June. I'm SO bummed I'm not going, but I figured I'd either be preggers, or going through IVF#2...both of these what ifs are way more important than two days in Az. It sucks, but a sacrafice I'm willing to make right now. But that's just me, I'm sure every person, every case is different...but it's just hard any way you slice it. Ugh!
ReplyDeleteUgh, I know this question all to well. Right now, I'm on a break, so being on the outside I can say that I personally spent WAY too much time putting my life and plans on hold because of what "might be". But realistically I know that it's just not that simple. And when I start cycling again, I have no doubt that everything else in my life, (right or wrong), will come to a screeching halt... Because we'd all rather bring that baby safely to term - screw everything else.
ReplyDeleteHi, just found your site and have a story about this
ReplyDeleteI recently bought 2 tickets to Europe for September, with travel insurance. A few weeks later I asked my husband if he told his parents about our plans, and he said: "no, becuase we might not be going."
Me: "why would we NOT GO?"
E: "Well, you did get travel insurance..."
Me: "Yeah, but that's only for a medical situation." (see how dense?)
E: "Right... like if you are pregnant???"
Me: "oh yeah, I forgot why I was temping and POAS and all..."
Can you believe it? Too funny. I really did think of it as outside the realm of possibility for a minute there.
Ugh... it happens all the time! But it's important to keep going ahead I've learned. I used to put life on hold.
ReplyDeleteI HATED the what if game! It's so hard to avoid that especially if you are thinking about money. But it's good for you and Mr. SC to have some quality time away from home. The DC trip sounds fun!
ReplyDeleteI am always playing the What If game and it's terrible. It makes it impossible to plan anything, so you're just stuck in this awful place of no vacations, no fun, and no baby :(
ReplyDeleteUgh, I know exactly how you feel. Every single day.
ReplyDeleteI can't buy dresses for future events because I might be pregnant. I can't plan work things because I might be pregnant. I couldn't go home for Thanksgiving because I might need an u/s. I couldn't travel during the holidays because I might need an IUI. I can't plan my summer at all because maybe I'll do IVF.
I had to check my cycles before I would schedule a trip to my stepfather's 70th birthday. That was when I realized I was being ridiculous. This is an important event. I haven't been to visit my family in over a year. Some of that is because I never knew where I'd be in a cycle. I can't let this rule my life!!
Oh only every friggin day do I play that game. It sucks.... as does the variation (dreaming what if) like next christmas I will be pregnant... ect ect
ReplyDeleteI hate the what if game. I did that last year and decided to just not do it anymore. I like the travel insurance idea.
ReplyDelete