What's Going On

I have never known a more supportive group of people, truly. I am touched by the outpouring of support that I've received during the nightmare that I've been living and I can't even begin to say thank you enough. (((HUGS)))

1. Yesterday after the u/s showed that nothing had grown since last Thursday (so I was lucky enough to time it right for Mr SC to see the hb? Gee, thanks), we talked about my options. My RE does not want me to have a D&E because of my scar tissue, but she says it's up to me. I opted no. I'm going to give my body until next Monday to see if anything happens naturally. If it doesn't, then I'll go into the office for cytot.ec to be administered. I was going to do that this coming Monday, but I don't want to put my body through more shit. I also was dreading going into the office two mornings in a row to have things taken care of.

2. In light of the above, I talked to my principal and have pushed back my return date to 5/17. I was planning on going back to school next week. When I told Mr SC that, he looked at me like I was losing my marbles. He said was I 100% sure I could handle it and what happened if something happened while I was in school? So, I'm staying home. That will give me a week after the cytote.c, if it's necessary. **I realize that this is a luxury that many people don't have...to have such an understanding boss, to have the days to take, etc. I haven't been "ok" in a long time and I'm trying to do everything I can to get there.

3. We're taking a break until at least the fall. We're planning on going to the Redsk.ins/Col.ts football game in October (Mr SC loves the 'Skins and I'm a huge Colt.s fan, so it's our joint birthday presents to each other) and I'm thinking after then, maybe we'll start. I want the time to feel ok again. That may seem like a random benchmark, but I want to time to have fun and not worry about any of this shit, if at all possible. That would mean I'll be 37 when we start TTC again.

4. I'm going to see a different type of doctor for a 2nd opinion. My RE yesterday said that she was going to review everything, but she was 99% sure she ran all tests possible. I'm going to schedule a follow-up with her, too. I don't think I had a biopsy of my endometrium and I want to ask about the immunology testing I had done. To me, there has to be a problem. Three of my four losses were pretty much the same. Last May, 5w6d. Last October, 6wd2, measuring behind, after a hb. This time? 6w5d, after a hb. That just seems odd. This time, the Loven.ox didn't make a hill of beans of a difference, either.

5. The new type of doc is a MFM specialist (maternal fetal medicine). They manage high risk pregnancies and many practices help women with multiple losses before trying again. I'd like to see what he has to say.

We're getting away this weekend. My husband's family has a cabin and we're taking the dogs. I'm really looking forward to enjoying the nice weather and hiking with the dogs.

Thanks again to all of you. I don't know what I'd do without you.