Twisted Games

I was going to title my post "Major Mindf*ck", but I thought I'd tone it down a bit.

So I got in with my regular RE today and she did a scan.

Long story short? She said that the ER doctor didn't know what they were talking about and aren't used to doing scans like this. She was disgusted that they told me I was measuring 5w because she said that isn't the case.

That based on my u/s from last Thursday to today's u/s, that everything looked normal and she feels things are progressing normally (including my HCG).

She also didn't give me specific weeks/days for measurements. She said that they go more by measurements from scan to scan to detect if normal growth is taking place. She still was not able to see a HB, but she said she believes she saw a fetal pole but it was small and tough to tell.

So, based on the numbers she gave me, I'm right around the normal range (for yolk sac/gestational sac growth).

She said I can go in this Thursday for another scan but that she still won't be 100% comfortable by that date saying it's a non-viable pregnancy if there isn't a HB. She suggested I wait until the following Thursday, all the while saying that she knew how tough this would be for me.

I'm waiting for next Thursday. She said by then, without a doubt, there would be an answer.

All of what she said, she was basing on my LMP dating of 7w1d, which isn't correct. She said based on my +OPK, I'm either 6w5d today or 6w6d today.

I asked her about the spotting. She said it could be from abrasions or somewhere else but that she saw no indication of bleeding from inside my uterus.

I am indifferent at this point. No, that's not the best way to say it. Numb. Numb is more like it. It's better than uncontrollably sobbing, though.

I just don't know what to think or feel or believe. My game plan though of buying a great bottle of wine on the way home today and forgetting the rest of the afternoon significantly changed, though.