Disclaimer: This post will contain profanities.
Never in a million years could I make this shit up.
We get to my RE's office today at 8am. She wants to do an ultrasound to confirm that things are over.
I take off my glasses and lay back. I am not interested in seeing anything on the screen. My doctor asks me if I want to know things as she goes or at the end. I tell her whatever is easier for her.
After a few minutes she says, "Joanie, did you see that?" Joanie is her nurse. She says yes and apparently my husband did too. I'm thinking, what the fuck?
Joanie starts rubbing my leg.
After a few seconds, my RE asks me if I can hold my breath for 30 seconds. Um, sure. After about 10 seconds, she tells me there is a heartbeat. She said though that she couldn't measure how fast it was but that it was a normal heartbeat. I had stopped holding my breath.
I get dressed and go back over to the room to talk to her.
She tells me that it could still go either way.
WHAT????!!!!
I am in shock. She says that looking at my scan from last Thursday to this Thursday, that she's seeing appropriate growth and that everything looked good, if you don't consider my dates. I ask her how it can be off when I use OPKs and got a positive. She said well, you had surgery the cycle before. Sometimes that causes strange things to happen.
WHAT?!?!?
All I know is this. I got a +HPT on March 22nd. I'm not sure how off things could be. Based on the fetal pole length, I'm 6w5d. Based on the +OPK, I'd be 8 weeks today.
So I get to wait until next Thursday. I love my RE. She apologized profusely and said that she wishes there were something that she could do for me. She explained she didn't want to give me false hope, but that this isn't over.
This is exactly what happened last October when I miscarried. Exactly.
I don't know whether to be sorry or happy for you. I know that the 1 1/2 weeks we were up down and sidewise with our pregnancy sucked almost as much as learning we had definitely had a miscarriage.
ReplyDeleteBut I pray so, so hard that this is your miracle. In the mean time, hold your heart close.
WTF! What an emotional roller coaster, Kelly! I don't even know what to say! Maybe this is your miracle baby and he/she refuses to give up. Hang in there, little one!
ReplyDeleteI hate this rollercoaster!!! I hate the waiting game. Hang in there!!!! Lots of prayers going your way!
ReplyDeleteICLW
Holly freaking rollercaster. I am gobsmacked. How can anyone process this when it changes every week? You don't know what to think or expect. I certainly didn't expect this.
ReplyDeleteI will keep you all in my prayers. I am hoping next weeks scan is great and that everything moves forward.
Hang in there sweetie.
Oh, Kelly. I don't know whether to put my head on my desk and cry for you or to jump up and down in joy. I guess what I hate is the amount of time this is taking to know, one way or another, what is going to happen. I'm going to start hoping - very hard - that even though things don't add up at first, that they will be okay in the end.
ReplyDeleteOh, wow. I don't know what to say other than just go with the 6w5d and hope for this miracle bean to stick.
ReplyDeleteWhat a crazy story! I think you have a little fighter on your hands. I am going to be hopeful for you, although I imagine you have no idea how to feel right now. Thinking of you.....
ReplyDeleteYikes, hoping for a miracle. I know it must be a very scary place right now not knowing what is going on for sure- I am thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know what to say, Kelly. This is just all so freaking crazy and unbelievable. I wish that this roller coaster would STOP. What a mindfuck.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. xo
I am praying for you as you go through this. What an emotional time for you & your husband.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
Wow what a roller coaster! I am so glad to hear it's not over, but I hate that you STILL have to be left hanging, and with memories of a previous loss. I will be sending many prayers and positive vibes to you.
ReplyDeleteOh Kelly, on one hand my heart has hope, but also, I know that that hope can shatter in about 3 seconds. Sorry that you and your husband have to endure another week of 'what if's'. You both continue to be in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteOh hon... what a crazy mess! I hope and pray that when you go back next week you will get a definitive answer, either way. Hang in there, and cling to your dh and support system.
ReplyDeletePraying hard!
Kelly, I'm so, so sorry that you're going through all of this. They do tell you in those first ultrasounds that they can be off a week in either direction... I'll be holding my breath with you.
ReplyDeleteWow, that sounds so brutal... I'm not sure what to say either.
ReplyDeletePlease know you're in my thoughts and prayers.
(((HUGS)))
This is absolutely crazy - a heartbeat??? That's so amazing. That little guy in there is fighting hard to stick around!!! This week will be hard, I'm sure. Just said a prayer that it goes as easy as possible, and your little one keeps growing!!!
ReplyDeleteLife is working hard within you ... I will think positive thoughts. I can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now ... whatever happens, we're all here.
ReplyDeleteThis is crazy! I am happy that there is hope, that it is not over. Keeping you in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that I'm praying for you. Lots and lots.
ReplyDeleteWow, I simply can't believe what is happening to you. What a story. But what if...what if...he makes it? You've given me hope for you. Hang in there. Even longer.
ReplyDeleteKelly this is insane! I honestly am in shock! I'm just praying right now for both you and your husband!
ReplyDeleteArghh- I just typed a response and don't know where it went, so I just want to say I am praying for both you and the little one. this has been such an emotioanl rollercoaster for you and I just want you to be able to experience whatever emotion it is that you should be. Would be nice to know hunh?!
ReplyDeletexoxoxoxoxoxox
Kim
wow kelly, what a total and complete mind fuck. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteDespite the uncertainty of this pregnancy, one this is sure...there are a ton of people who love you and are praying for you and your husband and this little one. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteKelly - sending you lots of love and hope and know that there are lots of people pulling for you, your DH and you little fighting bean. - Amanda
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine the confusion and fear you are feeling right now. And the hope that you probably feel, even if you're not "sure" that you should....try to hang in there! We are all here, thinking of you and praying for your family.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
I can't imagine how crazy your emotions must be going right now...what a rollercoster! Hang in there and know we are all cheering for you!
ReplyDeleteOh my, I've never heard anything like this. I'm so sorry you had to go through the last week thinking there was no hope only to be told there might be. I hope everything goes well. Many thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.teseivf.blogspot.com/
Oh my goodness--unbelievable! I so hope that this good news really is unadulterated good news. I will be thinking of you and wishing you all the best.
ReplyDeletewow! a heartbeat! That is amazing! I hope that this turns into good news. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteOMG. I don't even know what to say except that I'm sorry you are riding this crazy roller coaster. It's really unbelievable that this is happening to you. I'm praying that your little bean sticks, though. (((hugs))) to you and your DH.
ReplyDeleteKelly, I just seriously don't know how you keep going through this!!! I still don't even know what to say. I SO want this to turn out positively for you. Giant (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI'm going to hold onto hope for you and send tons of positive vibes your way. It's not over yet, kiddo! BIG ((((HUGS)))).
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Great blog, can't wait to read more. I'm your newest follower from IComLeavWe.
ReplyDelete-K
http://mypottyseat.blogspot.com/
I don't even know what to say! Simply unbelievable! On one hand, I'm really glad that it isn't over and that there was a heartbeat and normal growth for the last week, but I obviously regret that you are in limbo for now. I am praying for you and your little bean! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI pray you'll find peace, no matter what happens. I'll keep my fingers crossed that your miracle awaits.
ReplyDeleteICLW ~48~
Oh god Kelly... I just got back from training again and I cannot believe all this is still happening... hang in there darling.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! I am sorry for the rollercoaster you are experiencing. I am h&p that your little bean hangs in there!!! It sounds like you have a wonderful RE!
ReplyDeletePraying for a miracle baby in there. Truely a mindfuck. Hang in there Kelly!!
ReplyDeleteOkay..so I totally wasn't going to tell you this..and we've never met (IRL) so this might be weird..but I dreamt about you and the baby last night..and this was the *exact* scenario. As soon as I read your post title I knew there was a heartbeat..Gah!! I wish you knew more answers..but for now..Im hoping the bean settles in and sticks around..Love you!!
ReplyDeletewow, that's just unbelievable! hoping for the best for you.
ReplyDeleteWow, what a wild story. I'm so sorry for this roller coaster, but I really hope this one works out. Good luck, fingers crossed.
ReplyDeleteFollowing you now, and hope you'll come by and visit me too! :-)
Happy ICLW #100
Oh my goodness. I wish this agony of waiting could end for you!!! I'm hoping & praying for the best for you. Keep putting it out there to us. We're here for you!!! (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteOMG, that is unbelievable! Quite possibly the most intense emotional roller coaster ever. I'm so sorry you're going through this crazy up & down, but I'm so happy for you that your baby is hanging in there, trying to stay strong & see this pregnancy through. Will be praying hard for you this next week & hoping for the best:)
ReplyDeleteI'm so - I don't - a whole jumble of emotions for you. Unfortunately I know what you're going through; a positive is almost scarier than a negative. If it helps at I'll, there are people you've nver met thinking of you and wishing for the best.
ReplyDeleteWow.
ReplyDeleteKelly, I have been praying and will continue to lift you up every day.
love,
ebe
I don't even know what to say. What a heart wrenching situation! I'm pulling for you and that little heartbeat.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for stopping by my blog. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
ICLW#96
wow...I'm hoping & praying with everything I have that this has a happy ending! after all you've been through it's crazy that this is happening.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you & praying for you, mr. SC, & your little heartbeat!! (((HUGS)))
Holy shit! I hope this all turns out for the best! What a crazy ride!
ReplyDeleteKelly,
ReplyDeleteI used to go to the same RE office as you. I don't know which doc you have, but I remember how wonderful Joanie is, she's so calming and nice to be around.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you!
ICWL
Holy moly. I'm sorry it's such a mind and heart bending experience, but oh so hopeful for you. Can you just spend the next week on bedrest? Thinking positive thoughts for you.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Maddy
Praying for a miracle!
ReplyDeleteOH MY! Fingers very crossed!
ReplyDeleteThis made me catch my breath! I read your previous post before this and commented, but then, this. All I know to do is hope with you and for you...
ReplyDeleteWHAT?!?! Oh my gosh!! I don't know what else to say except that I will be praying for you and that little miracle!! Wow, what a surprise. I hope that time goes fast until the next appointment.
ReplyDelete