Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I Guess I Have to Deal With It

No more "playing" the role of housewife. I looked at the clock a little while ago and realized at this time tomorrow, I'll have a better idea of what's going on.


Tomorrow.


I've been doing the best I can at blocking it out of my mind so I can function like a normal person. I go back and forth though when thoughts do enter my head. Sometimes, I really think who the hell am I kidding?? There's NO WAY this can work out. My dates can't work out.


Then there are other times I think that it can. I'm not spotting anymore at all and I'm feeling different than I have before in my abdomen. Of course, this could mean nothing.


I still haven't decided if I'm going to look at the screen or not.


My worst case scenario? That there will still be a heartbeat, but one that is much, much too slow for it to be viable. They won't treat me for a m/c if there's still a HB, even if it's not a viable pregnancy.


And if it's bad news? The next steps care the shit out of me.
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25 comments:

  1. Keiko ZollApril 28, 2010 at 3:45 PM

    I know this is so hard, so hard right now: but stay positive. Stop thinking worst case. Whatever positive vibes can go from your brain to this potentially sticky bean... feed it all you can give it. You're in my thoughts, and I'm definitely checking back here tomorrow to read about how it goes. I'm sending you so much luck and good vibes!

    ~Miriam (ICLW #168) Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed

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  2. AnonymousApril 28, 2010 at 4:04 PM

    I'm staying positive and hopeful for you. Wishing you the best for tomorrow, Kelly. You deserve some amazing, happy news. I am praying so hard that's what you get. xo

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  3. AnonymousApril 28, 2010 at 4:11 PM

    You're doing a GREAT job getting through this! I'll be thinking about you and praying for good news!! (((hugs)))

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  4. NicholeApril 28, 2010 at 4:12 PM

    Kelly - what an absolutely gut wrenching experience. I can't even imagine. A m/c is terrible...but the torture you are going through is almost worse. I am so sorry you are stuck in this limbo. I am praying for you and for your little one as well.

    I hope you have a wonderful Praise report tomorrow!

    Big Hugs my dear
    Nichole

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  5. ALApril 28, 2010 at 4:28 PM

    Kelly, I'm so sorry for this horrific roller coaster ride you've been on. I can't even imagine how you feel right now when it's been dragged out so long and you only have a sliver of hope to get you through.

    I'll be thinking good thoughts for you tomorrow and hoping it's great news.

    hang in there. hugs.

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  6. RDApril 28, 2010 at 4:33 PM

    I'm hoping and praying for the best news possible tomorrow. *hugs*

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  7. AnotherDreamerApril 28, 2010 at 4:45 PM

    (*hugs*) Thinking about you and hoping for good news tomorrow, and strength for you if it's not. Hang in there.

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  8. CeejayApril 28, 2010 at 4:55 PM

    You'll be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow. It can still work out. I know it.

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  9. PatriciaApril 28, 2010 at 5:09 PM

    Keeping positive thoughts in my head just for you. I hope all is well. Take care.

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  10. AdeleApril 28, 2010 at 5:46 PM

    I am hoping that tomorrow will bring such happy news. And I think you have held up so very well. About the dates - sometimes there are things that don't add up, but end up okay. And this is my hope. Will be thinking such good thoughts for you, Kelly.

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  11. AlexApril 28, 2010 at 6:16 PM

    Keeping positive thoughts and hope for you. I really hope this is it for you...

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  12. TApril 28, 2010 at 6:42 PM

    I just want to come to wherever you are and give you the biggest hug! This has to just be near impossible to deal with. I am praying for you each day. Praying for good news and praying for your strength to get through this time.

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  13. AnonymousApril 28, 2010 at 7:22 PM

    I'm crossing everything I can for you guys & think you are an amazing woman to be dealing with all of this as well as you have!! tremendous (((HUGS)))!!!!!

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  14. myinfertilitywoesApril 28, 2010 at 7:33 PM

    Will be thinking of you and praying for you big time tomorrow. (((hugs)))

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  15. LeslieApril 28, 2010 at 7:36 PM

    I am crossing my fingers/toes that everything looks perfect tomorrow. I admire your strength & courage very much. I will be thinking of you.

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  16. DawnApril 28, 2010 at 7:38 PM

    You are in my prayers. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

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  17. AnonymousApril 28, 2010 at 7:41 PM

    Wishing hoping and praying for you.

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  18. Mrs.JoynerApril 28, 2010 at 8:25 PM

    Kelly..you know how much hope I have in my heart for you..I just know this baby is a miracle..I'll be praying for you all day..and thank you for your support at my place..You are amazing..To be on this terrible rollercoaster and still be able to offer me love..it's humbling..thank you..<3 ya!!

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  19. RebeccaApril 28, 2010 at 9:22 PM

    I'm sending you so many positive thoughts and prayers, sweetie. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

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  20. AnonymousApril 28, 2010 at 9:41 PM

    Good luck tomorrow!!! I'm thinking about you and hoping for good news. ((hugs))

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  21. Melissa GApril 28, 2010 at 10:00 PM

    Thinking of you.

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  22. DiApril 29, 2010 at 7:54 AM

    I'll be praying for you and hoping all you get today is good news all the way around!

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  23. AnonymousApril 29, 2010 at 7:56 AM

    Thinking of you today and praying for good news.

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  24. LauraApril 29, 2010 at 8:57 AM

    Praying for you today!

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  25. TeeJayApril 29, 2010 at 9:09 AM

    I'm so hoping you get good news today. Try to hang in there and know that we are all praying for a great outcome for you.

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