This is an absolute nightmare. After a week of limbo, I went in for another u/s this morning after I was spotting more on Sunday. I'm measuring a week behind, with no heartbeat. It's over.
I just can't believe this is happening. I can't believe that the Loveno.x and the removal of the scar tissue didn't help. I can't believe that this pregnancy was just like all the others...the gestational sac is growing great but everything else is growing, but very, very slowly.
I'm going back on Thursday to see my doctor and talk about what next. I can't have a D&C because of my issue with scar tissue. I'm also investigating taking a leave of absence with work for the rest of the year. It's just too much.
The worst part? And gosh, there's just so much pain but what makes it unbearable is knowing how much this is hurting my husband and there's nothing I can do about it.
I've never felt so worthless, helpless and useless in my entire life.
I am so sorry you have to go through this again. I am crying for you now. Take care of yourself and your husband. You are not worthless, helpless or useless. You ARE LOVED. my heart breaks for you.
ReplyDeleteI am so so sorry (*HUGS*) I wish there was something I could say to make this better, but there are no words for such grief. Take care of yourself, take some alone time with your husband- you are not worthless, this situation is painful but do not blame yourself and bear the burden of this grief alone.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. My heart is aching for you. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you are going through of all this - it's an emotional nightmare. Maybe you really should take that LOA. You need to take some "you" time and heal, Kelly. I wish I had some profound advice to offer, but there are no words. ***hugs***
ReplyDeleteI am so incredibly sorry. I really hoped this would be it for you. You really need to take some time and decide what you need right now. Thinking of you.
ReplyDelete((hugs)) I am so sorry and I think the time offwill do you some good.
ReplyDelete"I'm sorry" can't even come close to expressing the agony I feel for you. I am truly sorry for your loss. I know how much this sucks. Please know that despite your feelings at the moment (which are totally understandable), you are not worthless, you are not helpless, and you are not useless. You are loved, you are brave, and you are supported. Please know that I'm praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI am so deeply sorry, Kelly. I was hoping so hard for you. When I saw the title of this post come up on my blogroll my heart fell into my feet for you. So very, very sorry.
ReplyDeleteI opted for cytotec to hurry things along for my last miscarriage (because I didn't want to have another D&C). The positive is that it can be done at home, the negative is that it is somewhat painful and tissue can't be collected for pathology. If you want to talk about it, or ask about the experience, or just need a bit of support please feel free to email me at delinquent eggs at gmail dot com. There's no easy way out of this. I'm so sorry.
I'm just so sorry that I can't even figure out how to express it. I just don't even know what to say. This is so horrible and so sad and I'm just so sorry. You are loved, you are wonderful, you are not worthless. I know that doesn't help much, but we love you and are thinking of you. I hope you can do what you need to in order to get through this. I'm just so sorry, sweetie.
ReplyDeleteI am so, so sorry for your loss. And I am so sorry that this drama has dragged on longer than it should have. Know that you are not alone in this fight - there are many of us out here who know exactly what you're going through and are here for support.
ReplyDeleteIt's important now for you to take the time and grieve. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I know that saying sorry doesn't begin to help with the pain that you are going through but please know that I am thinking of you and understand where you're coming from. This is such a horrible thing to have to deal with.
ReplyDeleteHuge hugs to you. I'll be thinking of you.
Oh, Kelly, this is not what I was expecting and not what I wanted to read. I'm so so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to pretend to understand how you're feeling or exactly what it is like to be in your shoes, but the feelings of worthlessness, helplessness and uselessness are very familiar.
I assure you, though, you are not those things.
Your husband loves you and so do a lot of other people. Me included.
love,
ebe
I'm so sorry really doesn't seem like enough to say. I was hoping and praying that this wouldn't happen. I think a leave might be a good thing for you to take so you can sort out your feelings and greive. The way you feel is totally understandable, but you are not worthless.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. (((Hugs)))
I am so sorry Kelly. I was really hoping for a happy ending for you. I have no idea what it's like to suffer repeated loss, let alone one...but my heart aches for you. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it all better.
ReplyDeleteThe leave of absence might not be a bad idea. Take good care of yourself. xoxoxoxoxoxox
You are not worthless. You are not helpless. You are not useless. You are so loved, by all of us and by your husband. Saying I am sorry will never take away your pain. Nor will all the hugs in the world. But know that you are loved by all of us SO VERY MUCH. I would give anything to be able to take this pain away from you. Take all the time you need away from work. You need to take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteLove you. xoxo
My heart is breaking for you, Kelly. Sending you much much love.
ReplyDeleteKelly, I am so very sorry. This is just so unfair.
ReplyDeleteSending thoughts and prayers to you and your husband.
Kelly, my heart is breaking for you all over again. There are no words. The feelings you feel right now are completely natural but know that you are none of those things. I know it's hard but I encourage you to keep sharing your feelings with your hubby - you need each other more than ever right now and know that his highest priority is that you are/will be ok. If you need the time, the short term leave of absence sounds like a good plan to renew your mind spirit and body. Thinking of you and praying for you. Sending you a great big e hug.
ReplyDeleteThis is just devastating. I hurt for the pain you are feeling right now. I can't believe this is happening to you again. My heart is breaking.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely take some time off of work and life to take care of yourself. Take your time to grieve this loss and process all of it. Then go out and do things that bring you joy and comfort. Take your time and get back on your feet.
You are in my heart.
*hugs*
Oh Kelly, I am so incredibly sorry. There are no words. Please take the leave from work and take time to heal from this loss. Sending you lots of love, strength and hugs.
ReplyDeleteOh, Kelly. No... I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. Please don't despair. Sending you lots of love & (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI'm so very very sorry for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteTruly sorry.....Please do take some time off to heal, I'll keep you in my prayers. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Kelly. Please take time to heal yourself physically and emotionally. My prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteKelly, I am without words. I want to tell you something that would take this pain away, but there are just no words.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my thoughts and prayers.
Please know how very much we love and care for you. You should not feel bad or guilty for doing anything you have to do to grieve, heal and take care of yourself. I don't have any words that can make you feel better or take away your pain. I wish I did.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you and Mr SC. You know I'm here for you..
Kelly, I am so sorry that you have to go through this heartbreak again. You and Mr. SC are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteThis is heartbreaking:( I can hardly find words. I'm terribly sorry it's happening to you again. P&PT's for both of you.
ReplyDeleteDammit. Kelly, Im so sorry. I wish I was there to give you a hug and just cuss out this situation w/you. I want to say I know what you are feeling, but it's different for everybody, so I won't. But know that you are not worthless..you are wonderful..You are heavy on my mind and heart tonight. I just wish there was more I could do. Love you!!
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you, it hurts my heart heavily to read this, as I cry reading it. I can't even imagine your pain. I wish there were good words for this, but there just isn't. If you can take off the rest of the year, I say, good for you. It takes amazing strength to reach out and take what we need in times of stress.
ReplyDeleteYou are not worthless, you are stronger than you know. The situation sucks, but the situation isn't you.
I have big tears rolling down my cheeks for you right now. I *feel* your pain through the computer monitor.
ReplyDelete(((hugs))) and all my love Kelly. All my love. NOONE would be able to stand after what you've endured the past 12 months. NO ONE. Take time to heal. Fuck everything else.
Oh, Kelly. There just are no words that can even begin to express my sorrow for you and Mr. SC. I'm so sad for you. Take some time to heal and do what you need to do. We are here for you and we love you.
ReplyDeleteI am sooo sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and DH. This news breaks my heart. I am here if you need an ear. {{HUGS}}
ReplyDeleteI can't send enough love or (((HUGS))) to even touch the pain you are going through right now. My heart is breaking for you & Mr. SC.
ReplyDeleteplease don't think of yourself as worthless. You are so incredibly strong for just enduring what you have. Take all the time you need to take care of you. I'll be thinking of you & am here always!
No! :( I'm so sorry and so sad for you. My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteKelly - there are not words that can help right now. There is no advice I can give. I just wanted to stop by and let you know that you are not alone, and we are here for you.
ReplyDeleteI wish there was so much more I could do.
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I do think taking some time off work to grieve and heal is a good idea. Best wishes to you and your husband.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you. I am so sorry. You and your husband will be in my thoughts. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteI'm so so sorry Kelly. There are no words. I'm so sorry. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteKelly, I am so very sorry. I am thinking of you and your husband and sending healing thoughts and hugs.
ReplyDeleteI can't remember all the tests you have had but surely there must be something more going on here than just clotting disorder and scar tissue.
I'm so very sorry for your loss and I hope you can find some answers.
Take care of you.
I'm so sorry this is happening again Kelly. I really hope your doctor is able to provide you with some real, helpful answers.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
My heart just breaks for you and your dear husband. I am sending you warm thoughs. God- I just wish life and IF/loss didn't hurt so much. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Kelly...keeping you close in thoughts & prayers. (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Kelly. You, your husband, and your little angel are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteKelly, I am SO sorry to hear (read) that! Do whatever you need to do in order to help youself. If you need to take the rest of the year off, do it! You are in my thoughts and prayers!
ReplyDeleteKelly, I am so very sorry for your loss. Please don't beat yourself up, take care of yourself. Sending you hugs.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. It is unfair and I wish there was more that I could do for you.
ReplyDeleteKelly - My heart and prayers go out to you and your husband. Life is just being cruel to you. Please try not to beat yourself up. You have been doing everything you can. And, you are a wonderful person. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteYou are NOT worthless, helpless, and useless.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
I am so sorry, Kelly. You will get through it, even if it feels like there's no end of bottom beneath you to fall. It is just that more rotten to be going through it all over again. The fact that you have come this far is such a testament to your courage and strength. This is completely unfair and awful news. My heart and thoughts are with you during this time.
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry you are going through this. I have been there and I know there is nothing I can say to comfort you at this difficult time. My prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteKelly, I am so terribly sorry. This is heartbreaking. You have NOT let your husband down (as hard as it is to believe that). I think taking time off of work is a good idea-- you need time for yourself.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my prayers.
Oh no. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI hope you take as much time for yourself as you can during this crappy time. ((hugs))
Sending you many, many hugs and prayers.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Maddy