pg post
So far, I think I've been handling things quite well in this pregnancy. I'm in the 3rd trimester. I've been watching my weight gain and, although it's in the average range, it's on the low side (yay, me!). I haven't once even thought about complaining about the daily shots of Loveno.x or the pain that I'm in daily (and have been since around 20 weeks) that my doctor offered me a "safe" narcotic for (HA...seriously???) Because, guess what? After all that I've been through, I know how lucky I am to actually have made it this far. For some reason, I have a baby growing inside me and complaining just seems to take away from that.
But now? Now I'm just a big, awful mess.
You can think that I'm being overly dramatic. That's fine. I just still have these thoughts looming...no one knows why I lost any of my other pregnancies. Was my thyroid out of whack? Was it the clotting disorder (that doctors still disagree on how to treat)? How do I know something isn't going to happen now? As we take those small steps to getting the nursery together, I feel like fate is just waiting to laugh in my face.
Now I find out that my baby is big and it's my fault. Why? Because of my diet and because I have gestational diabetes.
I know this isn't the end of the world. I know it's manageable. I just can't help but think though of all the other things that I have that are supposed to be manageable that aren't or haven't been in the past for me.
So that "healthy" baby girl I have inside me got the way she is because I can't even take care of her when she's inside me. Some freaking mother I am.
I want her to here. I want her to be alive and healthy. I just can't help but think that something horrible is going to come of this pregnancy because all of the lovely "risk factors" I can check off.
(((Hugs))) So sorry you have to deal with GD on top of everything else. That's just not fair. :-(
ReplyDelete(And it's okay to complain about it.)
Hello, just found you!
ReplyDeleteFirst, congrats!!!!!!!
Awesome for you!
I know you are stressed, I know it's unfair, you more than deserve a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby!
That's what the blog is for...complain all u want!!!
What's your blood disorder? Which one?
IMO, you are allowed to complain about anything you want. You have been through Hell and it's not fair that you have yet another obstacle. I don't think anyone can blame you for the GD, it just happens and that is why pg women are tested for it. You should not feel like it's your fault. I know the gloom and doom feeling and how hard it is to get away from it. You have come so far and everything else looks good. Hang in there, you don't have much further to go. Sending you (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteYou are certainly welcome to whine and complain as much as you want, sweetie!! I'm so sorry you're feeling like your body is betraying you. :( Many hugs to you and your little girl.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that the GD test came back positive :-(. That really does suck. DO NOT blame yourself one bit - it's genetics, you are taking great care of yourself and with some help you will manage this and baby girl is going to be just fine!
ReplyDeleteIt's okay to complain, this is hard. hugs.
Aww, sweetie. It's OKAY. And it's okay to be overwhelmed and worried, but it's not YOUR fault. It's what your body is doing. And it happens. HUGS.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you've been diagnosed with GD on top of everything else. This is not your fault! Like you said, this is completely manageable, and your baby girl will be fine.
ReplyDeleteAnd feel free to whine and complain (which you're not doing, by the way) on this blog. This is your place, and we're here for you!!!
It is going to be okay, Kelly. I totally understand why you are freaking out. But your baby girl will be fine.
ReplyDeleteMy mom had GD with my youngest sister. She wasn't too big (only 7 lbs) and she is healthy as can be and an amazing athlete. You'll do great!
GD happens because your body has produced excessive amounts of blood to help support the pregnancy but hasn't produced excessive amounts of insulin. It's not your fault, it's a design flaw. It is a NORMAL pregnancy complication. You aren't a bad mother, you're having a NORMAL thing that happens to LOTS of women. You don't do drugs; you don't forget you're pregnant and engage in risky behaviour. I'm not denying your right to complain, but I hope is helping you to complain and get it out there and that this isn't how you're feeling all the time. Bad mothers don't get upset about things not being perfect. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI feel you big time on this post. Check your email. You know me, can't just leave a short comment. =)
ReplyDeleteAwe, I'm so sorry! It's normal for you to feel that way. But it's not your fault. My SIL is perfectly healthy and had GD with her 1st and 2nd kid, but not the 3rd!? And she didn't do anything different!
ReplyDeleteOh Kelly, I'm so sorry you are dealing with all these feelings. I think they are totally normal given your circumstances. BUT, having GD is NOT your fault! It's just one of those things that we really don't have any control over. Try not to beat yourself up over it and focus on the fact that you know about it now and your doctor can treat it.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. We are here for you.
That sucks! I know it must be hard not to feel "guilty" in some way, but you have to remind yourself that IT JUST HAPPENS! And, the good news is that GD is totally manageable. I know with your history, you worry about anything that could happen, but just try your best to take this one day at a time. Do everything the doctors say (as best you can -- no one is perfect) and your sweet baby girl will come along JUST PERFECTLY!!!
ReplyDelete((((Hugs))))
Gestational diabetes sucks! but it is NOT your fault! you have hardly gained 'enough' weight, so I just can't believe it's anything wrong with your diet leading to GD.
ReplyDeleteGD is kind of a 'natural' reaction our pancreas is reacting to /dealing with the sudden increase for serum insulin it just gets a bit exhausted by the extra workload. Sometimes, it is just hard to make the adjustment so incredibly fast, and then is when GD strikes. In MOST of the cases, one can do nothing to prevent it. MOST of the times, diet has not much to do with it. Obviously, sometimes things may get out of control (too much weight gain) - but that CLEARLY is not your case.
I am sorry you have this condition, but you must not blame yourself for it! It sucks, but I am very sure you will do your very best to manage and you will get through it!
Tremendous (((HUGS))) and lot's of love your way!
you know what? GD happens to perfectly healthy people who fall pregnant at the drop of a hat and stay pregnant - this is not something that is your fault, it is something that ALL pregnant women are at risk of, it sucks that you have it but it's nothing you've "done or not done".
ReplyDelete~x~
I know exactly how you feel because I've definitely been there, especially with the gestational diabetes & it's not easy! You are doing a great job taking care of that little girl, but unfortunately, some things are out of our control. All you can do now is take care of the GD & yourself as best as you can. Feel free to email me directly if you have any GD questions! ( arlnurse1@yahoo.com) (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteMassive hugs, Kelly. I am so sorry you developed Gestational Diabetes.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I want you to know that GD can be managed. And secondly, I am praying that your little girl will come to you safe and sound.
I hope your doctors are able to manage it all very well.
I'm so sorry about the GD. Even though it feels as if you caused it, even that is often not in the mother's control. Especially since you haven't gained that much weight--you're being healthy!
ReplyDeleteYou didn't know you had it and besides it doesn't come from what you eat, it comes from hormones!! those lovely pregnant hormones make your pancrease not want to produce insulin. All you can do at this point is take care of yourself as best as possible and dream about the day you can eat carbs again.
ReplyDeleteI've been down this road. If you have any questions, you know where my blog is.... ;) good luck!
GD is NOT your fault, Kelly! You are already a wondrful mother to that little baby girl you love more than life itself already. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteOne of my friends is extremely healthy and has had GD with both of her pregnancies and it is certainly NOTHING you did!!! Don't beat yourself up, seriously, the most unhealthy of eaters (in my 12 pg friends and counting) is the one who doesn't have GD! It's all so messed up! It seems to have no rhyme or reason! Though I know with every minute you want her here safe and sound and it's hard. I bawled like a baby multiple times over having low blood sugar feeling like I wasn't doing a good job of taking care of Cala, so I understand that guilt, but my doctor reassured me that all of our bodies respond differently to pregnancy and it's nothing we can control, until we're told the problem and taught how to control it!! You're doing great and getting closer and closer to the finish line!!! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteTo echo everyone here, GD is not your fault. Remember my SIL who didn't take care of herself at all during her pregnancy? No GD. But then we had a friend diagnosed with GD who is SO freaking health conscious, it's not even funny. Please, please know that this is not something you have any control over. I promise. You are an excellent mother, and I know you are doing everything you can to take care of your little girl!
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
It's ok to be worried about the what-if's. IF has programmed us to! I thought each step of the way it would get better, but I was so wrong. There were just new things to worry about! Even now that my little one is here, I still worry, all the time!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry--thinking of you and your baby girl!
ReplyDelete*hugs* You are doing the best job you can do and I think you are doing great. So just do everything you can do and I will hope for more good things to come.
ReplyDeleteYeah, what they said. YOU ARE DOING GREAT. It's okay to be a mess, but don't take it personally that your body is insisting on being a bitch. ;) Your little girl is lovin' life and her terrific mama.
ReplyDeleteComplain and vent, but then be nice to you. (((Hugs)))
Hey there Kelly, just wanted to let you know that there is something waiting for you on my blog...
ReplyDelete