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I have absolutely, positively no interest in having a baby shower. I've tried (and I'm hoping I was successful) at making this clear to my mother and my MIL and talking about it to my husband (although, when I brought it up today he acted like he forgot the conversation until I pretty much gave him the play by play). Why, you say? But you get gifts! And cool stuff! And all things baby can be celebrated!
First, I've never liked baby showers. No one really ever looks like they're having fun (sorry!) and I hate being the center of attention like that. I can also do without the "just wait!" comments and also the, "when Suzy was a baby" remarks, all while the women without children feel like they've landed in some type of alternate universe. Second, I live an hour and a half away from my close friends and family. One friend that decided to not have children hasn't talked to me since I got pregnant (and I think she's avoiding me because it's painful that her older spouse made the decision about not having kids and that was that ), two close friends live too far away to attend and, if it were here, my SIL would be invited (who I haven't spoken to in a year) and well, I just don't want bullshit drama.
Finally though (and probably the biggest reason) is that I don't want to celebrate her pending arrival as if it's a done deal. Anything could go wrong. I'd rather celebrate her arrival when she's here, healthy, and in my arms.
So, tonight I brought up the subject with Mr SC again. I had an idea a couple of days ago and wanted to run it by him.
I should explain to you though that I'm not a "this is how you're supposed to do it" kind of person. I skipped my senior prom (had the dress, shoes and everything) because I decided to dump my boyfriend two weeks before because he was an ass, Mr SC and I had a small (8 people) wedding and had a party/reception a month after.
My idea? I want to have a "She's Here! Come Celebrate With Us!" party. Nothing fancy, just a picnic at our house in September (much cooler temps) so that people can meet her and, well, celebrate with us. They can bring gifts if they want (or not). Much to my complete surprise, Mr SC loved the idea.
Am I nuts?
I don't think your nuts. It's something to think about. I understand your sentiments about not wanting one, I really do. Those thoughts have crossed my mind for "in the event that I'm ever in the position to have a shower." I say, do what you want and what's best for you. Screw everyone else ;)
ReplyDeleteIt's not nuts! It's YOUR life and you should do things how YOU want to!!
ReplyDeleteI was actually thinking while reading your post that you should just do something after she's born and then you said it! Ha!
And, just for the record, not that you live in the south, but it never hurts to have a point of reference. It is VERY COMMON in the south to have something called a "Sip 'n See." This is exactly what you described -- a chance for friends and family to stop by and give their well-wishes (and gifts if they want) and see the baby. (I think the "sip" part originated with a bunch of nosey southern women who used "drinking iced tea" as an excuse to come see the baby and the mom.)
GOOD LUCK! :-)
Kelly -
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. Since things have gone wrong for us in the past, it is natural to be gun-shy.
My idea (for me & my family) would be to have a baptism and then a party after that.
Not at all! In many cultures that is the norm -- no celebration before but a celebration after. I hope they listen to your wishes!
ReplyDeleteYou're not nuts at all! Another blogger mentioned this idea recently. I love it. If/when I get lucky enough to have a baby, this is my plan, too!
ReplyDeleteyou're not nuts at all! If you don't want a shower then you shouldn't have one. Everyone feels differently, & while some women dream of that day, others have no interest. I love your idea of celebrating her arrival! :)
ReplyDeleteThat's an AWESOME idea!!! I might have to steal it if anyone tries to do a shower for me. I hate showers too for all the reasons you say. (We were married overseas with just a judge, a photographer, and his assistant. And I wore an awesome blue dress.) But this is perfect - as it's not a shower you won't have any of those stupid 'games', and SHE can be the centre of attention rather than everyone staring at you!! :-D
ReplyDeleteI. HATE. SHOWERS.
ReplyDeleteThey are boring and obligatory, to throw and to attend. I'm so glad to hear someone else say the same!
What a lovely idea of celebrating once she's here! Good for you for standing up and making your own way with all this.
The truth is, before I had my shower, I had hardly attended anyone else's shower. Not because I did not want to, but because of myriad other reasons.
ReplyDeleteWhen my shower was hosted by my MIL, I actually liked it because it was an event in a chapter I had never thought I would see. I was over the moon.
And I made the fatal mistake of breathing a sigh of relief as soon as I hit my third trimester. I almost thought my baby's safe arrival a done deal.
I was shaking my head at:
"Finally though (and probably the biggest reason) is that I don't want to celebrate her pending arrival as if it's a done deal. Anything could go wrong. I'd rather celebrate her arrival when she's here, healthy, and in my arms."
I wish I knew. I wish I paid heed to the tiny cynic inside me.
I am glad CheekyBub was welcomed vicariously in our family, but I am sad that now those photographs of the day only make me cry and make me stare at my own belly and the hope that was enshrined in it.
Do whatever you are comfortable with.
And a coming home party with the baby would be so awesome too.
Whatever baby stuff I had, most of it was cleared by my mom, but if I find anything here and there, I can't help but cry.
ReplyDeletewho cares whats the norm? do what feels right to you...
ReplyDelete~x~
It sounds reasonable to me. Partly because that's what generally happens where I am - although there are more baby showers happening here, there's a big cultural thing about not doing anything (traditionally a christening, but also general visiting-with-presents) until the baby has actually appeared safely.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds very fun! And if anyone wants to throw you a shower, you can ask them to help with the party instead. You'll need the help with a little one around!
ReplyDeleteI think it's a great idea. You should be comfortable celebrating your child the way YOU want to, not the way everyone else thinks you should. I hope your family can and will understand this and help you plan a wonderful celebration in September.
ReplyDeleteThat's a fantastic idea. I hate showers, too, and am not overly comfortable with it, but my SIL would hound me to death if I didn't "let" her throw one. So, I'm having a small one so that my MIL can invite all of her friends.
ReplyDeleteMy real friends? My BFFs are throwing a party (NOT a shower) about a month before we're due. And THAT, I am looking forward to.
So I think a "SHE'S HERE, SHE'S REALLY HERE!" party is genius. You go, girl!
We would definitely be friends in real life. No doubt. I despise being the center of attention. Which is why I didn't even have a wedding shower. It's definitely not my cup of tea.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE your idea of a "She's Here" party. Let HER be the center of attention. Everyone loves babies. And you're right, baby showers are a giant snoozefest.
That is NOT nuts. We thought about doing that instead of a baby shower before the adoption (we changed our minds after we read about infant adoption and the bonding process). I think it's a wonderful idea. Most importantly, it's your life and YOUR CHOICE. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's totally your choice. I wanted to do the wait and celebrate thing too, but ended up having a very small about eight person shower (with no games!). And I waited until I was 34 weeks along. Do what is right for you. Your pregnancy, your choice.
ReplyDeleteIt's your choice, and as others have mentioned, that's the way a lot of people to do it. (I have mostly Jewish friends, and that's how they do it...) I think you will really be able to enjoy yourself that way...
ReplyDeleteI don't think that's nuts at all. In fact, I didn't want a shower either. I really struggled with it. My best friend, who wanted to plan Hannah's shower, and I talked about it a lot and finally she won me over based on the fact that I had had two showers for Owen and I wouldn't want to leave Hannah Mae out. I couldn't argue with that logic. : )
ReplyDeleteIt is different for everyone.
I think what you and Mr. SC talked about sounds wonderful. A welcoming party will be really fun and it is really wise of you to plan it for September when it's cool and you've got your barings a little bit.
big hugs,
ebe
p.s. You're doing great!
You are so far from nuts. Kelly, I feel/would feel/will feel exactly the same, and have already announced this to family and friends. For all the reasons you've said. For me, it's like Valentine's Day or other slightly commercial, not very fun "holidays". Plus, there is the added burden of history. Sorry, there's no escaping it. I think your idea of a "She's Here!" barbecue is perfect. It's original, it's smart, it's exactly the way to go. Also, it's inclusive. It's not a ladies only, silly games thing.
ReplyDelete(Really hoping your wishes will be respected in this.)
You're not nuts at all! I admit that I personally really wanted a shower--both at home with my family and where I now live with my friends--to finally celebrate after three losses...but that's me, and this is you...and we all experience it differently! And that's okay!
ReplyDeleteMy only words of caution would be that everyone is going to want to hold her when she arrives in September. It's just something to keep in mind... (maybe give hand sanitizers as favors). ;)
I do not think you are nuts. I did not like the thought of having a baby shower either. Although my friends and family did not take no for an answer and I ended up having a very small one. Anyway, I think a "She's Here" celebration is perfect. Best of luck. I hope your family respects your wishes.
ReplyDeleteI think that's a wonderful idea!!!
ReplyDeleteI love your idea. I can completely understand your reasons for not wanting a traditional pre-delivery baby shower, and as this is YOUR pregnancy, I think your desire should be respected by those close to you.
ReplyDeleteBTW, you may have read this, but I posted recently about the fact that pre-baby showers are taboo in some cultures. I must say, in some ways, I think they have the right idea.
I think that's a FABULOUS idea! We like to call the a sip-n-see and then you get to show off her cuteness and have her there in the flesh without anxiety. I'm going to put it out there. I had a shower two weeks ago and while it was lovely, it was HARD, way harder than I anticipated and really wore me out for like 2 days! I completely understand how you feel and support you doing what is best for you! I have two more showers coming and I know that they are going to be hard too, so I respect your honesty with yourself and your family in making this easier on you!!! YOU GO GIRL!! And I think you'll enjoy an after arrival celebration so much more!!!!
ReplyDeleteI love the idea! Much less chance of drama after the ba y is already here too. My vote is to go for it.
ReplyDeleteThat's totally legit! Our friends &family threw us baby welcoming showers after we adopted our son, and it was great having the guest of honor (him!) actually there to celebrate! It was a great way to introduce him to our nearest & dearest who hadn't gotten to meet him yet. I think it's a great idea & will allow you to really enjoy the celebration when the time comes.
ReplyDeleteI love that idea!!! That's what I'm going to do. Of course it's more common to do it that way with adoption, just in case something falls thru. But I'd rather do it that way anyhow. And I hate attention and feel the same way as you. =)
ReplyDeleteI think your idea is fantastic!!! DO IT!!! It will be a celebration indeed.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I enjoyed my baby showers tremendously, I think what YOU want is all that matters. It sounds like a great idea to me and I may just have to steal it. There are so many people who still need to meet her and it would be nice to have a celebration in her honor. My only advice would be recruit someone to do most of the work for you or have it catered. Nursing takes up way more time than I thought it would.
ReplyDeleteYou're not nuts. I felt so funny about my first baby shower, but couldn't keep (sweet, well-meaning, excited) friends at bay. I wound up really enjoying the baby showers, but it's important to note that I talked to all of my kind hostess friends beforehand and explained that I didn't want any goofy games or go-around-the-room-and-share moments. I wanted it to be a celebration of the fact that a baby was finally growing in my womb (well, beyond the first trimester, which in itself felt like a miracle, although I still had plenty of worries and fears that something would go wrong). I say if this is what you know you want, go for it! I hope your friends and family will understand and give you a very sweet celebration (and lots of gifts!) after your baby comes. It really is a great idea, and it should definitely be what YOU want!
ReplyDeleteI hate baby showers too and didn't really want one...but I was SO GLAD I had one. I got so much stuff that I would have had to pay for otherwise. It was a big money saver. If you are loaded then I guess it doesn't matter, but the reason I would have one is because it saves you a TON of money!!
ReplyDeleteIt is a very personal decision, and you should do whatever you feel like doing. I love the idea of a "She's Here! Come Celebrate With Us!" party.
ReplyDeleteThat's gonna be a 'real' baby-SHOWer, a day you can celebrate the most happily.
I think the party after baby comes is a great idea!! Hope the rest of the family is on board with it, they should be!
ReplyDeleteI love this idea. I may steal it too. I hope your family and friends respect your wishes.
ReplyDeleteI dont' think you are nuts at all!! I like the idea of a "she's here" party. My mom had the same when my sister was born and it turned out GREAT!
ReplyDeleteHope everyone comes around to your thinking!
This sounds like a great idea! Love this!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love the idea of a "She's Here" party..You'll be past the point of having to kind of keep her away from other people due to getting her immune system up and going, and she'll be more interactive..And so will you. We had mine, and surprise, 12 days later, she was here. I still haven't finished the thank you notes, lol. On the day of my shower, I was a nervous wreck, DH had to force me to go in. I was crying, and had nausea. It was a lot, given our history. So go w/what feels good to you. YOU know what is best!!
ReplyDeleteI love that you are standing by what you know feels right for you. Don't let anyone push you into something that doesn't feel right.
ReplyDeleteI did want to offer a slight detour from a baby shower. For my wedding, instead of a shower, a good friend held a Women's Circle. It was an intimate gather of women coming together to engage in some simple rituals of relationship and support and love. We did the same thing for my best friend instead of a baby shower. There were no presents, no games, just a chance to come together in a sacred space to appreciate her and support her as she neared a major life transition. We each brought a bead, stone, or shell and gave it to her as we shared our love for her and her growing family. Then her sister later made the gifts into a necklace that she wore to the hospital.
Another friend waited until after her baby was born, and then held a blessingway ceremony for the new baby. Again it was a circle of women who came together to honor the new life, bestow blessings and wishes on the mother and daughter, and engage in a few very simple rituals of connection and love.
Just something to consider, for either before or after the birth. Regardless, you are worth honoring in the way and on the timeline that you want.
What an awesome idea! My in-laws live a ways away from us. My MIL wanted to have a baby shower after she got here, too, so Troy's family could get to meet her. We just had the shower last week (Davie is 9 weeks) and it was a wonderful time with Troy's family and closest friends. We had a blast! I'm so glad we did it this way! I'd much rather it be a get-together for everyone than doing the awkward center-of-attention thing.
ReplyDeleteI think that is a great idea! We did something similar after we adopted our son, and everyone loved being able to meet him. You have to do what you are most comfortable with.
ReplyDelete