This waiting is what it felt like near the end of the 1T. I so wanted to get to that 14 week mark and cross that magic threshold. Now, though, I'm counting down the days until our little girl is here.
Good news...so far, on the gestational diabetes front, I've been managing ok without the need for insulin. I have to say that it's difficult to be so limited in what I can eat (just not feeling like I have very few options), yet it hasn't bothered me. It's like a personal little mission every time I eat to conquer my blood sugar. Although there's been ups and downs, for the most part, so far so good.
Alaina's nursery is almost finished. It's so surreal to stop in and say good morning and good night to that room. Sounds cheesy, I know, but it's what I do. I can't believe we're here at 32w1d.
We had an ultrasound on Friday to check on her growth. She's still about 2 1/2 weeks ahead and that's where she was about a month ago. So, her growth has slowed down (more to normal speed) and I couldn't be happier.
Yet, with all this happiness is the anxiety again. I feel (and see her) move all the time, but I'm still terrified. Seemingly healthy pregnancies end all the time and I don't know what I've done to deserve to be here. I just can't fully trust yet that this is all going to work out.
I know my posts probably seem like a broken record, yet I'm not sure where else to turn. No one else gets it, at all. Even Mr SC, who has endured all of this with me...the thought never even crosses his mind that something could go wrong. My therapist tells me that comparing the four miscarriages and this pregnancy is like comparing apples and oranges.
For now, I'm going to keep rubbing my belly, loving my baby girl and praying that we make it through another day together.
I also said good night and good morning to our nursery all the time. And I also worried up to the day I was induced. (And I still worry). Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI would sit in the nursery every night, just looking around and imagining holding him/her. The worrying never stopped and I ended up being two weeks early! But you will be great and baby girl will be in your arms before you know it :)
ReplyDeletePraying right along with you!! Sending lots of love!
ReplyDeleteyou have many other people praying for you too!
ReplyDeleteI get it. I really get never feeling secure. People try to say reassuring things, but what they don't get is it's not something that can be battled with logic as it's too emotional - and too deep inside.
ReplyDeleteI have been having TONNES of trouble commenting with blogger! Spent a week not being able to comment at all, and now it's pretty touch-and-go.
i still worry every day that something will go wrong. It is normal to worry after so many losses. My fingers and toes are crossed that you will be blissfully sleep deprived soon.
ReplyDeletetake care
I feel you there, and I understand. That fear is very real. And I hope it will be completely unfounded for you.
ReplyDeleteVery good news on the GD front!
You have been through so much...I don't think anyone can blame you for still feeling those anxieties. I'm so happy that you have made it this far and that things are moving right along as they should. I can't wait for you to hold that little girl in your arms...
ReplyDeleteIt makes perfect sense to me! Even I have these same anxieties, now that we are waiting for adopted child. Once you've been hurt by it before, it's hard to imagine a happy outcome. Hope the rest of the journey is a smooth one!
ReplyDeleteSo excited for you to be in the home stretch! Can't wait for little Alaina's arrival!
ReplyDelete55 days - wonderful! I love that you stop by the nursery and say good morning and good night. So sweet, and a start of a life-long (or at least until she moves out) habit. I completely understand the feeling of still being worried. Until you have Alaina in your arms, I don't think you'll stop worrying - and then it's just a different kind of worry. It's what we go through to become a mom...
ReplyDeleteI can say that I understand completely how you feel. I think that all the time too, that this is just too good to be true and that things end badly all the time for people. Overall, my outlook is good and happy and I know she's moving around, but those scared feelings creep in without reason or warning, so just know you are NOT alone in that! It is nice to have a place that is theirs to go and just I don't know the word for it, but just "be" thinking about and preparing for them! Not much longer and we will both be holding our miracle babies in our arms and thanking God daily!!! I'm 34w1d today--so close and yet it seems so surreal and unreal! My hubby doesn't get the scared feelings either, he never seems (or acknowledges) to be aware that something could still go wrong! I have visions of someone running into my car right on her side. But talking to other mommies, apparently this is normal, so at least there's that even from people who haven't lost babies!
ReplyDeleteI hope your 55 days fly by! =)
ReplyDeleteWe are praying for you too. Rubbing on your belly and loving your baby girl sound like good ways to spend your time. : )
ReplyDeleteI remember the feeling well of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I love the idea of you rubbing your belly & talking to Alaina. :) I'm praying with everything I've got & anxiously awaiting her arrival!
ReplyDeletei feel you on the fear ~ I felt that something was going to go wrong right up to the end. And my pudgy little man is snoozing next me right now.
ReplyDeleteBaby girl will make it hear, safe n sound. can't wait til she does. not much longer!
I am stealing this line from someone, but I cannot remember who or I would love to give them credit. They said it always feels like it will never happen and then all of a sudden it does.
ReplyDeleteThis is your time.
Baby girls make the world go round.
55 days. I'm smiling big at that:)
ReplyDeleteAnd as far as the anxiety, I understand. Or, I think I do (and think I'm likely to feel much the same). But your therapist is right about the apples and oranges scenario (and the mind knows it even if the heart is afraid to believe it).