To those of you out there in blogland (and hopefully who are also Sein.feld fans), I feel as though my worlds are about to collide. Of the friends I've made and of the blogs I follow, I've only ever met one of you IRL. The only person in my life that knew about my blog was my husband and, although I told him about it, I know he doesn't read it. He sees it as a privacy thing and doesn't go there.
This weekend though, I got to get together with one of my very best friends (whose name also happens to be Kelly). I'm always amazed at how much the two of us can talk when we get together. We're funny, we're serious, we're intellictual, we're bitchy (about other people, not to each other!) and when I was catching her up on all of my goings on, I told her about my blog and how good it's been to write about things and to meet others.
She asked to read it and I don't know how she couldn't hear me saying, "oh shit" in my head.
So, I'm giving her the URL. There's no one in my life who knows me (besides my husband) who really knows what I'm going through emotionally and it's safe to say that I keep some of it from Mr SC, too. This letter below is to her, as an intro of sorts.
Dear Kelly,
Well, if you're reading this, you've found my blog. I've already told you that I'm terrified that you'll think I'm a weirdo or that I've gone off the deep end. Sometimes those big, bad thoughts that lurk in my head end up here, as a way for me to work through them. And...all those years that you thought I was a hypochondriac (remember that "wheel" that you got me as a joke with the symptoms)? Maybe all along, deep down, I knew that something was wrong with me and TA-DA...here it is!
But seriously, I know that we don't see each other or talk as much as I'd like, but I cherish your friendship. We have been through some yucky stuff and I'm glad that at the end of the day, I know that you're always there for me if I need you. Your intelligence, drive and wit is inspiring (as is your fashion sense) and I can honestly say that you're the most beautiful woman I know. I'll never be able to thank you enough for being such a great friend.
Love,
Kelly
It's definitely scary to have the worlds collide, but i really think that sometimes it's good to have those around us know the depth of our pain so they can give us a real hug when we need it (and not just a virtual one). Kudos to you on being brave enough to share!
ReplyDeleteoOoOo scary indeed!!
ReplyDeleteThough the fact that she asked for the URL to me says she cares and she wants to be involved so she can care some more!
Interesting that you posted about this because I'm contemplating giving my blog address to one of my best buddies - just thinking at this stage LOL not sure if it will get any further than that!
xxx
p.s. I L-O-V-E Sein.feld - so much that I watch it on DVD every night going to bed and fall asleep to it - tragic yes I know!
Awe, that was sweet!! Very brave of you to share your blog. She sounds like a great friend and maybe it will help to have someone IRL know about everything.
ReplyDeleteSo sweet. I hope that you and Kelly will now become even closer.
ReplyDeleteAwww! You are so lucky to have a friend IRL that cares so much about you. I'm glad you were able to have such a fun time together this weekend. :)
ReplyDeleteThat is so very sweet. I have one friend IRL that reads my blog. It is very strange that I know that she knows things that we never then actually talk about. I had other real life friends and my mother read along, but I asked them to stop reading so that I can preserve this space for my craziness. I thought I would edit myself too much knowing my audience.
ReplyDeleteYour friendship with Kelly sounds amazing :)
Always great to have a friend you can go to for all that!! After all the crap you've been through you need someone who can be understanding and considerate, so that's good!! I wish I had that in real life sometimes! :) A+ on the friend!
ReplyDeleteYou and Kelly are very fortunate to have each other. I love the letter you wrote her, and she can't be anything but honoured by it. What a brave step you took in telling her about your blog. You're so awesome.
ReplyDeleteYour fan,
Augusta
happy for you Kelly #1 that you have a IRL friend that will know. Someone you can sit on a park bench with or have tea or coffee with and discuss all this stuff.
ReplyDeleteNow that I think about it, this is ingenious. I think a blog is a great way for IRL people to find out about our IF struggles. One of the things that bother us is the comments and ignorance that our pain is invalid. I think seeing the feelings underneath and seeing that other women in our shoes feel the same way we do will help our IRL friend not just think her friend went off the deep end.
and to kelly #2 - you are a great friend. I know you won't take lightly how much Kelly #1 trusts you.
It is scary. I just made the decision that after ICLW my blog is going private from family and many friends. There are some IRL I will allow to see it because they are not close enough to me for me to feel that they will judge me. But it is hard....we put EVERYTHING on these blogs...
ReplyDeleteYour friend should feel privileged to read, and I hope that all goes well...
Your letter to your friend brought tears to my eyes. It's nice to know that you have someone IRL that you trust enough to let inside your world. I hope she gains a better understanding of you and what you are going through. Very brave of you.
ReplyDeleteWorlds colliding is always a scary thing, but sometimes really good things come of it. And giving someone else a chance to understand what you've been through - and how very tough it's been - means that you will have one more supportive person in your corner. And you deserve it.
ReplyDeleteI hope having your 2 worlds meet on here will a good experience. I know from personal experience how hard it is to really let yourself be open in your blog knowing that someone you know IRL will read it. I found myself sensoring what I was saying because of it, and I really hope that doesn't happen for you AT ALL! So glad that you have a great friend like her!
ReplyDeleteIt can be scary, and there are times I don't write about things I might like to, but it's also been great having a few IRL friends read my blog. I hope it is a good experience for you and other Kelly. And yes, I love Seinfeld.
ReplyDeleteVery scary! Only 4 people in my life know about my blog: my husband, who has read a couple posts but doesn't read, my therapist, and my 2 best friends. My husband knows the URL but nobody else. One of my friends asked me for the the URL and I said "nope!" So I admire you that you're trusting Kelly with this knowledge about you. It shows she's a really good friend.
ReplyDeleteIt can be extremely scary when worlds collide- I only gave my URL to a few people, and would probably shut mine down if my family or in-laws found it- there's a lot of posts where I talk about dealing with them and issues that come up because of IF/miscarriages. Scary wouldn't begin to cover that! But I applaud you, and I'm glad you have a good friend who would read this. I hope it helps her to understand what you're going through, and how great that she cares enough to want to.
ReplyDelete