I Made It

I'm feeling a strange sense of triumph today. Yesterday, at 2:40, the school year was officially over. Personally, it was by far the worst I've ever had. As a teacher though, it almost didn't feel "time" for it to be over. I loved the kids I had this year and with being out so much, I really feel like I missed out with them.

This week was full of ups and downs. I had a major blowup with my SIL, who also happens to be a co-worker. It's not even worth blogging about, but it rattled me quite a bit (she's a horrible human being, but anyway...). I also ended up having a heart to heart with my friend, L, who I haven't spoken to since October. We were close friends and ended up being due within two weeks of one another. I miscarried my baby girl in October and L ended up having hers two weeks late the morning after we had our talk. I don't know if we'll ever be friends again the way we were because for me, it just hurts too much. She's understands and as tough as it was, I'm so glad we had our talk.

Last night I went out to a party that is held annually by a teacher for everyone in the district. To say I had fun is an understatement. I really needed to go out and do that. I needed to be around my coworkers who care about me more than I realized. I needed to let go of my fear and get out of the house. Turns out, it was the most fun Mr SC and I had in a long time.

I got through the school year, which is something I didn't know if I was capable of. I'm trying to take steps to get back to me, Kelly. Kelly, the woman who loves her husband and her dogs and teaching. Kelly who is smart and funny. Even though I will always carry with me the battle scars of my four losses and the hell that has gone with it, it's not going to define me anymore. I refuse to let it.