I learned when I was young that life isn't fair. It isn't. I've always been one who plays by the rules. Isn't there supposed to be a reward for that? I don't play by the rules because I feel, consciously, that there should be a reward. Rather, it's because it's the right thing to do.
Everywhere I turn though, I feel like I'm faced with more and more "rule breakers" who end up on top, while those who I know follow the rules, don't. It just doesn't seem right. It's something I can generally shake my head at, except when it comes to IF.
Throughout my life, I was fortunate to not have medical problems. I have hypothyroidism, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not that serious. I have high cholesterol (it's hereditary) and I can manage it. However, at the age of 35, I've never had a cavity or broken a bone (knock on wood). I only got chicken pox when I was 28. Perhaps that's why I've been dealt the RPL hand, to make up for all the other medical problems I didn't have.
I didn't realize just how common IF is and how many people struggle to have a child; deserving people who would be good parents, while those who are undeserving can easily procreate. It just baffles me.
On many levels, it's more painful for me to know that others that I love and care about are suffering. My own grief and pain is different. When someone I care about is hurting and my hands are tied, I feel even more helpless than I do about my own situation. I'm really ok. Perhaps it's all the cold meds I've been dumping in my body this week that has me all contemplative here. I don't know.
Please, if you get a chance, stop over and see Adele. She just learned that most likely, this is another pregnancy that isn't viable and she could use the support. She may not realize it, but Adele has helped me in so many ways. I've never met her, but she's offered me such support and encouragement that she's like a big sister to me. I wish there were more I could do for her but for now, I can just ask that you stop by and see her.
That is so sad about Adele. I feel terrible. I understand what you mean about managing your own pain, but not being able to ease the pain of others. I've struggled with this feeling a lot, especially when it comes to close friends (like you) who have been through so much shit in this journey. Even with my husband... it kills me to know that he hurts inside but he won't always express it for fear of making me cry.
ReplyDeleteI can't say this enough but I am ALWAYS thinking of you and I wish I could take your pain away. I wish I could take all of our pain away. I'm so tired of watching infertility hurt the people I love.
xo
I understand how you feel about those who don't deserve it getting everything. It's a tough one to wrap ones head around :) It seems to be pretty random and I try to focus on the randomness otherwise it drives me mad.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kelly for the comment...I have added you to my blog list and will follow your story...what sher are you going to? I go to Peoria....this is my first IVF with them and compared to my old office it was a dream....I love my RE....and they are very proactive with my immune issues and willing to work with my Reproductive Immuniologist as well...Hope to learn more about you...:)Kristi
ReplyDeleteSo interesting... I just wrote about how I don't think I'm being a good friend right now and my best friend tells me that it hurts her that I'm in so much pain. Hard stuff. Thanks for writing about this.
ReplyDeleteVery sad about Adele...it's just not right. What you and her have gone through is just so terrible and heartbreakingly awful...I wish I could take some of your pain away, I wish there was something I could do.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
I'm like you in that I always played by the rules and did the "right" thing. This shit isn't supposed to happen to people like us (or so I thought). I'm realizing more and more that there's curve balls every day and nothing goes the way I expect anymore.
ReplyDeleteI think your right that it's harder to see loved ones suffer and not be able to do anything. It kills me to see anyone I love hurting.
Anyways...thinking of you and hoping you have a great weekend with Mr SC! =)
Since I have been resistantly introduced into the IF world, I have learned that RPL is probably the crappiest hand of them all. My heart aches for you, Adele and all the other ladies who suffer this type of loss. I just couldn't imagine.
ReplyDeleteYou are very right, life is not fair by any means. But I am convinced the ones who had to work harder at it, who dont get things handed to them, have a greater appreciation in the end. It's not fair, it's not even humane, but in the end, I pray that the happy ending will somehow make the journey worth it...not sure how, but I at least hope.
xoxoxoxox
Thank you for posting this. Sometimes I find myself getting so wrapped up with IF that I forget to genuinely "be there" for others who are going through a difficult time. This was a great reminder for me today. Often times happiness comes from doing nice things for other people or just being there for them...you are right, life is not fair. We are lucky we all have each other to get us through it.
ReplyDeleteI am very much like you in living life the way I do because it's right, and yet watching as all the people who do things the wrong way end up on top... and here I am with infertility and RPL. I try to put it into perspective though, and remind myself that those people really don't have everything- they have a life built on lies, sometimes horrible spouses, or terrible jobs... no one can have it all. It's really hard for me to see that most days though.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to make sense of everything when 'everything' seems to be bad and horrible. I agree, Adele's news is just heart wrenching and so not what she deserved. I wish success was based on merit but it just isn't the case with infertility and that makes it so much harder to deal with.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right though, Its hard to watch people you care about go through this, you wouldnt wish it on your worst enemy.
Oh I know that feeling!!! I will never underdstand why so many bad things happen to all these amazing people. There is just no way to make sense of it all.
ReplyDeleteI hope you know what an amzing support person you are.
Kelly
ReplyDeleteHi hon. I have thought about you so much over the past few weeks, and I want to reiterate you have acheived so much by getting to the end of the school year.
thinking of you. Its suckful what people have to go through and I wish my wishes had more power to change shitty outcomes.
Kelly, thank you. I feel the same exact way about you. I don't know why we've been dealt this hand. It just seems so ridiculously senseless. It defies reason - or, at least, any reasons I can come up with. Thank you for your good thoughts, and for putting out the word. They've made me feel a lot less alone this time around. How I wish NEITHER of us were here.
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