My step-SIL had her baby. For those of you who don't know, this is the same SIL that shared my EDD with me from my first m/c.
I'm not sure why that date, 11/25/09, is weighing so heavily in my mind. I mean, I've had three m/c. I think it's because it was the first time I was ever pg. DH and I were both so ecstatic and started talking and planning right away.
SIL never understood why I had difficulty with all of this. I tried to explain after my first m/c that I needed some space. Then we had our second one. She started asking people in the family why I was mad at her. UM, I'M NOT. I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN YOU. I'M SORRY THAT I TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO YOU WHY THIS IS DIFFICULT FOR ME AND YOU JUST DON'T GET IT.
Anyway, her water broke back in early October. My MIL called and woke DH and I up at 6am to tell us that her water broke and asked for my other SIL's cell number, who is studying to be a nurse. MIL was freaking out...she's only 30 weeks!!! She's only 30 weeks!!! Actually, no she's not. She's over 32 weeks. I know. I should be as pregnant as she is. Now, I realize her water breaking that early is bad. But 32 weeks is much better than 30 weeks. DH gave MIL the phone number and hung up. I still don't know why MIL called. It's not complicated...she should go to the hospital!! I lost it. When MIL called DH later in the day for an "update", DH asked to not hear the play-by-play and explained that he cared how she was but it was too tough. MIL apologized profusely.
Well, I found out tonight that SIL had her baby. How? MIL had a picture on her dining room table. I went over to visit and there she was. I quickly left and asked DH if SIL had her baby. Yes, he said. Ok, well I understand we didn't want a play-by-play but being told that she had her baby is entirely different. DH only found out himself last week when he stopped in to see his mother at work and the pic was there. No one wanted to tell him and he didn't want to tell me. Gee, thanks. WTF???
SIL isn't married. Her BF is 9 years younger than she is and is unemployed. He's also an alcoholic. Yes, seriously. He won't marry her. He doesn't want to. So, SIL decided she would just get pregnant instead. Freaking wonderful. This is the same SIL that I was there for when DH and I got engaged and she found out and lost it. I told her privately, because I knew she'd be upset (although I drew the line when she asked if she could try on my ring). So that's me...passing judgement on her. SIL thinks that children only get screwed up or don't do well in school when their parents don't love them enough. Yeah, good luck with that.
I'm planning a few days away for DH and me so we're away for 11/25. I hope that makes it a little easier.
Oh, Kelly. (((hugs))) I'm so sorry. What an awful situation this is for you. I think you are doing a wonderful thing by planning a little getaway for you and DH on 11/25. You both deserve it.
ReplyDeleteWow - SIL and the whole situation sounds like such a mess. I'm so sorry Kelly - what a hard thing to endure, especially now that everyone seems as though they are tip-toeing around you.
ReplyDelete((hugs))
any ideas where you will go for your 11/25 getaway?
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Especially how awkward and uncomfortable they are making it by not even telling you at all. You and DH more than deserve a getaway to relax and ESCAPE all of this. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteUgh. I'm so sorry that you've been dealing with all this for the last few days. And I know its frustrating to you that people have NO idea what information you want to hear and what information you DON'T want to hear.
ReplyDeleteI also think that your plan to get away on 11/25 is a great one...where ya going? It that Thanksgiving weekend....? Good timing, maybe if you have time off work!
That's a whole lot to digest, I would be creaming mad. it's funny how people just don't know how to react they either carry on as though you never shared something intimate with them and end up doing or saying stupid things, or they over-react and do or say stupid things.
ReplyDeleteI think a little get away is just what the doctor ordered.
Hi I just found your blog over on LFCA. I am so sorry for your losses. I had a similar situation years ago with a SIL who was pregnant at the same time as me.....I had a m/c. She didn't. I had a hard time being around her or hearing about her from my MIL. My husband and I also went away alone together that year for Christmas (my EDD was right around Thanksgiving....and SIL had her new baby...eek! It was too much). Getaways are GOOD. You have to protect yourself.
ReplyDeleteSorry you're having to go through that, and they really aren't helping with the way they've handled it. Enjoy your break - you deserve it, & it'll do you both good.
ReplyDeleteThat is a whole lot of messiness right there! Well, I hope she has grown up from this whole experience. And, I am sorry that this has been hard for you. Family can be really insensitive at times.
ReplyDeleteI hope your trip away is a positive one.
ICLW
I'm sorry you're having to go through that on top of everything else! You definitely deserve a getaway, I hope you guys have a great time!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your losses. I've had 3 miscarriages this year, and my first EDD is Friday. Similarly, my DH and I are going away, but not until next week. Not sure how I'm going to deal with that day b/c my emotions are unpredictable--even to me, but I think going away is a great idea!
ReplyDeleteI've found that people who haven't been in this situation just don't know what to say or do. I don't fully blame them b/c before this happened to me, I may have been one of those well meaning people too. I've had people say things that have left me stewing with anger, bursting into tears or rolling my eyes with exasperation. And it's hard to find the patience for it. Hang in there!
Isn't family grand? *sigh* I'm sorry that all this is happening.
ReplyDeleteFor me, the first EDD was the hardest. They never get easy, just not quite as hard. I think the plan to go away is a good one. Then perhaps a heart to heart with your MIL so that she can hear how hurtful her actions were.
ICLW