I'm an ICLW newbie (and a last minute one at that!)

and from the blogs I've been reading, I realized I should jump in and introduce myself with my "story".

So I'm Kelly. With my birthday last month, I just became eligible to run for President of the United States! I live in Pennsylvania, a bit of a transplanted city girl. I now live at the base of a mountain where the NY Times can't be delivered on a Sunday morning! On a non-TTC note, I'm an avid reader. I also love to travel and to go antiquing (when I have the time). I have two awesome furbabies, a black lab mix that I rescued seven years ago and a yellow lab that we rescued a little over a year ago. The yellow lab is our Dock Dog!

I met DH when I relocated to this area 2 1/2 years ago to take a new job. I teach with my SIL, who decided to try to set us up. We all went to a comedy club the night I met DH.

I always kept a "list" of criteria that a member of the opposite sex must have before I even CONSIDERED dating them. However, when I moved to the area, I had just gone through a bad break-up and definitely was NOT looking to get involved with anyone. When this group outing came up though I thought, what the heck. Why not? It would be a great way to get to know new people. People that I knew who knew future DH always talked about how wonderful he was. He didn't fit ANY of my previous prerequisites. (Ex. I had been a vegetarian for 13 years and he was a hunter).

After a week, we both talked about not seeing other people. It just always felt so natural and right with him. I knew he was it for me very early on. I moved in with him six months later and after eight months, we were engaged. We were married in a small ceremony in my MIL's garden in June 2008. I tossed my BCP in the trash on our honeymoon. We knew getting pregnant could take a while, but we didn't realize what was in store for us.

Our first BFP came in March of 2008. My HCG levels never really rose and I had a m/c at about five weeks. That's the EDD that's stuck in my head. It's coming up...11/25/09, the same day my SIL is due.

We didn't prevent the next cycle (after all, it took us eight months to get our first BFP) and we got pg right away. I started spotting at 5.5 weeks and after two u/s, our LO didn't grow beyond 6 weeks. I had a D&E and we took off the next two cycles.

We got our BFP the first cycle we started trying again (Sept 09). I started spotting (again at 5.5 weeks) and had an u/s that looked good. I was diagnosed though with a small subchorionic hemtaoma. Here begins the roller coaster. At our follow-up u/s (at 6 weeks) my dr told us a m/c was imminent. He drew HCG and progesterone to confirm. When those tests came back great...another u/s. We saw our little bean's HB, nice and strong. We were over the moon.

At our first prenatal appointment (at 9 weeks) we had another u/s. It showed our little bean never made it past 6w3d and no HB. I had another D&E.

We're currently in limbo, waiting a couple weeks for my appointment before we start all of the testing to see what's up. I was diagnosed with a clotting disorder over the summer and was taking baby aspirin. Next time, I want to try heparin. I also have had CD3 b/w done and and u/s and all were fine. I have hypothyroidism, which is under control.

I can't help but think that the losses are all my fault. I never wanted to have children and all DH and I want are a child that we can raise together. It just kills me that he gives me the world and I, month after month and pregnancy after pregnancy, let him down. I am trying desperately to not let the losses destroy me and our happiness.

Thanks for reading if you've made it this far!