Saturday, April 2, 2011

The Dreaded April...

I love spring. I love the buds on the trees and watching in amazement as the flowers I planted several years ago still bloom (I'm still relatively new to this gardening thing).

But... this marks the third April that I've been pregnant. The last two Aprils, my babies were already dead or dying inside me and I didn't know it. I hit the huge 24 week milestone tomorrow and I can't help but be more terrified than ever.

For Mother's Day two years ago, DH bought me lilies. I remember so vividly thinking how the next year's Mother's Day would be the best ever because I'd have a baby in my arms. Instead, I was recovering for my 4th missed miscarriage and the cytotec I took a week before.

 I'm not a religious person by any means, but for the last several months, I've found myself thanking God every morning for getting us through the night and thanking him again every night for getting us through the day.

Please God, let us get through April.
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26 comments:

  1. UnknownApril 2, 2011 at 12:09 PM

    I know so well the feeling of being grateful that I made it through some horrible days. You are in a good place now, and I hope in 2-3 months time, you will be in a fantastic one.

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  2. JoApril 2, 2011 at 12:22 PM

    Thinking of you all month long, and hoping your little one continues to hold on strong.

    Hugs,
    Jo

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  3. JennApril 2, 2011 at 12:31 PM

    know that you are not the only one praying to God for you to make it through April, I am too! Much love!
    xoxo
    Jenn

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  4. HopeApril 2, 2011 at 1:32 PM

    I'm thinking of you. I have everything crossed for you. My heart hurts for all the pain you've been through. I hope April is better this year. (((Hugs)))

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  5. RebeccaApril 2, 2011 at 1:34 PM

    Thinking of you and your amazing, strong, beautiful little girl!!

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  6. HopeApril 2, 2011 at 1:51 PM

    I can't believe you are 24 weeks! Time seems to be dragging for me these days, but flying for everyone else. I guess that's the way it goes. Can't wait to see your little girl.

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  7. rebeccaApril 2, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    I completely understand the fear, I too have been more anxious and fearful lately, but it's wonderful you've made it to 24wks and I'm continuing to hope things move forward smoothly for you with this pregnancy ((hugs))

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  8. AllisonApril 2, 2011 at 5:50 PM

    (((Hugs))) Praying for you, too. So very much.

    To fix the formatting: go to settings, scroll down to global settings, and under "select post editor," choose the updated editor. Fixed it for me and another bloggy friend; hope that's what does it for you, too!

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  9. And so it goesApril 2, 2011 at 8:09 PM

    Here's to writing a new chapter for April. I know the feeling- for me it is March- my miscarriages were March 2008 and March 2009 with March 2010 marking 1 year of TTC without success. I was so glad to see March 2011 close out, and move into April writing a new story this year.
    Celebrating all 24 weeks for you!!

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  10. ~stinkb0mb~April 2, 2011 at 10:14 PM

    may will be here before you know it...

    ~x~

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  11. AlexApril 2, 2011 at 11:09 PM

    I wish for you a completely uneventful April. I'm so happy for you - 24 weeks!

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  12. NoelleApril 2, 2011 at 11:21 PM

    It's so unfair how we begin to view time once we are hit with the IF badness. Best of luck to you and hope it's a carefree April.

    elusivetakehomebaby.blogspot.com

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  13. Glass Case of EmotionApril 2, 2011 at 11:29 PM

    I hope this April is the one that changes everything!

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  14. AnonymousApril 3, 2011 at 3:41 AM

    She's a fighter! She's gonna hold on and kick up a storm all month long. I understand the fear, but I know this is the April that's going to break the streak. (((hugs)))

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  15. AnonymousApril 3, 2011 at 7:17 AM

    I will be thinking of you!!!

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  16. erikaApril 3, 2011 at 12:10 PM

    I am here with you. April is that month in my calendar. The month of of both my losses. I can't help, but be scared of it.
    I am praying for both of you, and hoping this April will give that calendar a new meaning. A happy one, a beautiful one for us to focus on from now on.
    ***
    Happy 24 weeks!!! you are almost at the big 3T!!!:)

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  17. LauraApril 3, 2011 at 6:25 PM

    I also found myself pleading with God to get me through a day, a week, a month, throughout my whole pregnancy...and thanking Him for each day, week, and month that passed. I have found that the pleading and thanking doesn't end at 40 weeks...but only intensifies once they are here. Praying for you!

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  18. EbeApril 3, 2011 at 10:09 PM

    Kelly... thinking of you so much. We are also praying for you and your baby girl.

    love,
    ebe

    p.s. 24 weeks!!! So so wonderful.

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  19. heartinchargeApril 3, 2011 at 10:33 PM

    He will help you.

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  20. RoccieApril 4, 2011 at 8:18 PM

    There is every reason to see this time as different. I hear you on The Scaries. I have been banned from google. Whatever.

    You know, I am on and off again with God. Recently someone told me to offer up my worry as a sacrifice for the health of the baby. As I read this, I realize I sound insane. But it is working. A lot.

    I should delete this comment but man I hope it helps you a fraction of what it helped me.

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  21. St ElsewhereApril 5, 2011 at 9:04 AM

    Of Course, you will get through April!

    When the time comes, nothing, absolutely nothing can stand in the way..let alone, a month in the Gregorian Calendar.

    Sending you many positive thoughts...

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  22. AdeleApril 6, 2011 at 11:00 AM

    According to T.S. Eliot (I think) April is the cruelest month:( It's so hard not to feel the burden of where we were in other years, to remain unaffected by those anniversaries.

    But I am SO HAPPY that Week 24 is upon you, Kelly. And this time IS different.

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  23. KakunaaApril 6, 2011 at 11:40 PM

    You are making it! It's 24 weeks! That is HUGE. Every day from here on out gives your babe better and better chances of surviving without any problems. This will be the April to change the trend, love. HUGS!

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  24. JennApril 7, 2011 at 9:55 PM

    Hoping April treats you so much kinder this year than it has in years past. Will be thinking of you this month!

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  25. AnonymousApril 8, 2011 at 7:22 AM

    24 weeks is wonderful! Congratulations! You're on your way! Keepin' my fingers crossed this is the best Easter ever!

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  26. AnonymousApril 23, 2011 at 8:51 AM

    I know that I am late in commenting, but I hope your april was much better this year and that your pregnancy is still going well ;)

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