Reaching Out

Reaching out to others or forging ahead with new relationships can be an infertile's worst nightmare. You fear that subject of conversations and think about how to handle questions. Last spring, I handled one badly.

There is newer secretary in one of the offices at school. Her desk is by itself and right by the photocopy machine that many teachers use. I reacted to a seemingly innocent question that she asked me and it's weighed on me heavily since. We never have gotten beyond artificial chatting since, but today I tried to rectify that. This is a copy of an email that I sent her:

Dear colleague that I was shitty to:

You may or may not remember what I’m going to talk about, but I have and I wanted to talk to you about it. Forgive me that it’s in an email, but it’s just easier for me.

Last year, I was at the copy machine. You were trying to chat with me and asked me if I had kids. My response was, “why?" and you replied that you were just trying to get to know me. I know this came across horribly. I apologize for that. I have felt badly ever since didn't know how to talk about it or fix it.

I wanted to explain my reaction and as bad as it may have made you feel, there was a reason for my response. I was pregnant at the time (when you asked me) but I had just found out I was miscarrying for a second time. After time passed, it got harder and harder for me to explain my reaction to you since I've now had a total of four miscarriages since March ’09.

I know this email is of an extreme personal nature and it’s something people usually don’t talk about, but I’ve felt so badly about how I was to you that I didn’t know how else to apologize other than explaining, fully, my reaction.

I hope that you understand.

Writing this alone felt liberating. After she read it, she replied just how sorry she was and I ended up calling her. We talked a bit and things are better. She said twice that she hopes that we can be friends. I hope so, too.