Yep, that's right. When this posts, I'll officially be 36 years old.
Thirty five was fan-fucking-tastic.
Forgive me that I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. It's just another reminder of the failure that my last year of life has been.
Mr SC has been having significant stomach problems. The specialist today said he doesn't think it's anything serious or anything that requires surgery, but he's not sure what it is. Mr SC has a colonoscopy scheduled for Monday morning. After his, um, thorough exam today, I came back in the room (before the doctor came back in). I asked him how he was. His response? "I feel so violated."
You know, I should have been sympathetic at this point. I wasn't. I faked it though. I rubbed his back and gave him a kiss and told him I understood.
I wanted to scream! I wanted to scream that I've had more wands shoved up my vagina that I would ever care to even try to count, all while my legs are suspended midair. I've twice been put under so I could have the remnants of what should have been our baby scraped from the inside of me. I then twice had more instruments shoved up there to remove the scarring from said scraping.
And you feel violated?
Kelly...I truly hope this year brings you wonderful things:) I hope your hubby spoils you on your b-day to help you forget the past and look forward to the future...Best wishes on your b-day...many hugs:)
ReplyDeleteStop it.
ReplyDeleteToday of all days, your birthday, stop it. Stop beating yourself up, today is the day you get to be spoilt, celebrate you [sod the past health issues].
I know it's hard to not think these thoughts - believe me I know but today, just for today, pls, don't think them.
I hope hubby DOES spoil you and that you have a fabulous day.
xxx
I am sure you have MANY good things happening in your life to be happy about. And my dear, you are NOT a failure.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are able to really enjoy your birthday and all the amazing gifts you have ! ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))
I hope Mr. SC gets some good results from the testing, and starts feeling better real soon. Aren't men a bunch of babies? They have no clue about what we go through, and will never understand. Just give hime some sympathy to make him feel better. Ugh though - they're ridiculous!
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a wonderful birthday! Do something special for yourself. I like birthdays - they're an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and move forward. Here's to a fabulous 36th year!!!
((Hugs)) sweetie. I hope this year is a better one.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday, sweetie. Try to find the happy, okay? I really hope hubby feels better, and just think...he gets to have a colonoscopy :) That's every guy's nightmare, so you can secretly gloat!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday!
ReplyDeleteIf you can, for just 1 day (I know its hard) try and forget about all this stuff and enjoy YOUR day.
Happiest of Birthdays to you!! My hope is that 36 is awesome for you.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday, lovely woman. May the coming year bring joy to your heart instead of pain.
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs, and really hoping you get reminded of how wonderful a person you are today.
Happy Birthday! I hope that this new year is your year! *hugs*
ReplyDeletegiant (((HUGS)))!!! I hope 35 is behind you & that 36 is the best year ever!
ReplyDeleteI hope Mr. SC is feeling better soon.
ReplyDeleteAnd girlie, do something nice for YOU today. Embrace the possibility that 36 could be possibly better than 35. At least you can see 35 in your rearview now!
Happy Birthday!!!
Happy Birthday!!!! I hope this year brings all your dreams to fruition. xoxoxox
ReplyDeleteWishing you a very happy birthday and better things to come in your 36th year.
ReplyDelete(*HUGS*) Birthdays are always bittersweet for me. I try to make the best of them, but they're still depressing on some level. I always hope that the next year will be different.
ReplyDeleteI hope this year is better for you, and that you make the best of your birthday and enjoy it. Do something nice for yourself!
As for your feelings about the "I feel violated" comment... I totally understand why you felt that way. It would have been hard for me not to say something if I was in your shoes.
I love you, Kelly. And like Another Dreamer wrote, I understand why birthdays are bittersweet. I truly hope that this year is better, that this year is different, and that this year all of your dreams will come true.
ReplyDeleteYou deserve it.
Men are babies. :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday! I hope this year holds amazing things for you!
Here is to an amazing 36! Happy Birthday!!!
ReplyDelete*hugs* I hope your husband's stomach is ok. I know how having stomach issues can be a pain in the butt.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday!!!
Happy Birthday Kelly!!! I really hope this is THE best year ever.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a happy birthday anyway and that this year is WAY better than the last one.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a happy birthday and a much better year.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday. May you get all your wishes!
ReplyDeleteKelly..How am I so late to the game?! Happy Belated Birthday!! I hope you were able to do some "me" stuff and that DH spoiled you..and that for one day..you were able to push the bad to the back burner, if only for 24hrs.
ReplyDeleteAs others have said, and I'll say it too, you are NOT a failure..You will be a momma. You are an inspiration to me, how you keep it together, how you continue to trudge through this journey. You are amazing. I hope the bday was fantastic!!
I am crossing everything that 36 is YOUR YEAR! You deserve it, Kelly.
ReplyDelete(And men are little babies...especially when their bottoms are at issue).