Mr SC were running around the house crazy busy today. We have a bunch of things going on and I'm getting set to go to Cape May with my mom on Monday morning (just the two of us). We were just about to sit down to dinner when the phone rang and I actually answered it.
It was my friend, L.
I've blogged about L before. Mainly, I talked about L back in October, when we were pregnant at the same time (ironically, both with girls) and were excited about giving birth together, etc. etc. She miscarried and I didn't. Then, she didn't talk to me. We had a heart to heart a few weeks ago and decided we didn't know if we could be friends, because she always feared that she would be hurting me too much. The day after that conversation, she had her daughter.
L called me last week to tell me she was thinking of me and a crazy weekend we had away with our husbands and dogs two 4th of July's ago. It was so much fun. We were in a river in a boat that flipped over and, well, with all the floating objects and our dogs, I ended up peeing my pants laughing. We chuckled on the phone and she said to give her a call if I wanted to go for a walk. This is something that we always used to do together.
L wanted to know if Mr SC and I wanted to meet them for drinks. I automatically said yes, without hesitation. I couldn't believe it. Mr SC couldn't believe it. I was super nervous. It meant so much to me for her to reach out to me and to the both of us.
So we had drinks. And we laughed. It was nice. She didn't really talk about her little one. I asked questions, because I wanted her to know that it was ok. I asked if she looked like her big sister, who is 1 1/2. I asked if she was sleeping through the night. L answered but didn't give many details. Mr SC thought that this was out of respect for me and what we went through but still, just as my losses are an important part of my life and I feel like they define who I am, so do L's children and that's ok.
I just can't believe how different our lives were ten months ago. That was loss #3. Then to have another in the spring while her baby continued to grow healthy and strong inside of her.
All along I thought that L wasn't a true friend but I think she was, for many reasons. Most of all though, I'm so thankful that I reached out to her and broke down these walls that had built up between us. And, instead of taking the easy way out, she's making an effort to repair our relationship, too. This won't be easy for us but I think that this friendship is worth it.
I am currently going through the same thing with my BF from high school. She had 2 miscarriages last year, and she and I talked IF quite a bit. When I miscarried in January, she was super supportive. We met up a few weeks ago to have lunch, both of us pregnant again! It was so much fun -- we even went to Babies R Us. Just a few days later, I learned that I had lost my baby. She is, of course, well out of the woods now at 24 weeks. I emailed her a week or so after my miscarriage, just to let her know that I was still very happy for her and hoped that we would still hang out. I want her to enjoy this time and not be afraid to be around me because of my losses. She hasn't replied to me yet, and I wonder if that's simply because she's busy or just because she doesn't know what to say. Like you, though, I would hate to miss out on her friendship because of my losses-- IF has taken too much from me already.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you took those steps, and even happier that your friend was receptive. Big hugs to you, and hopes that your turn comes sooner rather than later.
Jo
I'm very proud of you...I went through that recently....it's incredibly hard. I have found certain people I can handle, and others not at all. Way to go...Keep staying positive!
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea how proud I am of you. See, I told you that you were stronger than you realized! Both of you took big steps this weekend and, even though it was difficult, I'm glad you did it. You are amazing, Kelly!
ReplyDeletexo
That's awesome! I'm so glad you're working through it with her!
ReplyDeleteThat's so wonderful, Kelly. I'm so glad that you were able to take that step. I know it was hard and I'm so glad it went so well. I hope that you're able to continue a friendship that is obviously a great support.
ReplyDeleteI can really relate to this Kelly, as my BFF is pregnant now with her "oops" baby and things haven't been "natural" between us for some time and we just had a good night together. It's so hard, infertility, loss they take so much from us. I am so glad to hear you got something meaningful back. You deserve it.
ReplyDeleteGlad you two are working on mending your relationship....one of my good friends is due to have her baby anyday now....of course she and I were prego at one point in time together but I of course lost the baby....she got prego on their first month trying and has had a picture perfect pregnancy...however she is very considerate of me and my struggles she has been there for each loss and I think it has made her realize how precious her pregnancy and soon to be baby is...so we have both learned alot from this:) Take Care
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you had a very powerful healing moment. I'm so proud of you Kelly. So, so proud.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing woman - don't ever forget that.
It truly is amazing, thank goodness for good friends. I know it's hard when you see close friends around you getting (and staying) pregnant... my sister in law gave birth (to a baby she had talked about us adopting) on the same day I had my d&c... talk about bittersweet. Glad you were able to rebuld that friendship a little bit!
ReplyDeletethat's so wonderful! It must have been so hard for both of you, but so rewarding! :-)
ReplyDeleteSo happy to read your post. I want to give my uber-fertile friends the benefit of the doubt, I know that they want to say and do the right things, but it is difficult. It sounds like your friend really loves you and is dedicated to your friendship. I am happy that you said yes.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you - and so proud! I agree with a previous post - IF takes so much from us. Don't let it take our friends too!!! You're one strong chick!
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful. I think true friends - and those with the strongest foundations - are able to come back together even after an absence, or a misunderstanding, or a wedge. It's really good when a moment comes along where that can happen. I'm so glad for you. As someone who is dealing with wedges with several friends, it's good to hear this because it means that one day, after the rocky present moment, things may well be so very different.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you and L. I have a similar story - a friend that now has 2 little girls (the first through IUI and the second through IVF) and our friendship has been tested by my IF struggles, notwithstanding she went through it as well. It always feels so good when you can come back around, full circle, to being friends again. Even if for one night. I hope you and L continue to re-connect and work towards permanently repairing your friendship.
ReplyDeleteI think what you did was fantastic & you're an amazing woman to be able to do it! You should be very proud of yourself!
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