A Big Ol' Bite in the Ass

This post is about my husband, referred to here (and throughout this blog) affectionately as Mr SC. We have a great relationship, although truth be told, it's been tested quite a bit with our losses. Thankfully we've weathered the storms together and not separately and find ourselves closer than we have been before.

It's tough though for him. Although in my last post I talked about how differently we handle things and process things, that doesn't take away the fact that he's still mourning, too.

You see, my husband is a man's man. No metrosexual here. He looks big and tough (and acts that way often, too) but deep down, is a big softie. He's my teddy bear. I can see him struggle though with what he feels his role "should" be (the strong one, the rock, etc) and how he's feeling (trapped, out of control, helpless).

In addition to trying to help me keep myself together and dealing with our losses, Mr SC has also been dealing with being out of work. He had two separate surgeries from work injuries and also was laid off for over a year. Saying money was tight is an understatement. He was back at his old job for three weeks and got injured, again. Although he doesn't need surgery this time, it's tough for him to not be able to do things and feel like the provider. It's all a big chop to his manhood.

Mr SC has been having stomach problems that have been getting worse and worse. His stomach problems have also caused something else that, um, I'm not going to mention explicitly here since there is an outside chance that he reads this and I don't want him to be mortified. He's in excruciating pain and finally called the doctor. This was a huge step for him; he's been scared that he has cancer (which to Mr SC is always what's wrong with him and his ultimate fear, because it's what he father died from).

Last night Mr SC finally went to the doctor. He asked me to go with him and I'm glad that I did. I knew (well, suspected) what was wrong with him (in addition to the obvious, painful thing). He has IBS. His doctor only knew of his stress with his knee (recent work injury) and his past injuries. He knew nothing about him being out of work or any of our losses. His doctor sure kept saying that it's no wonder that you're under stress with your injury, blah, blah, blah. If his doctor only knew.

I say it bit Mr SC in the ass because I think maybe, just maybe, he will be able to realize that he's a strong man but that doesn't mean that he has to take on the weight of the world on those sexy, broad shoulders of his. That maybe, just maybe, all this keeping stuff in isn't doing him any favors. I knew through all of this that he really wasn't "ok" and that he was going through the motions. I hope that he realizes that now, too.