One Day at a Time

Yesterday I spent too much time with Dr. Goog.le and a calendar, trying to figure out if this is even possible. My RE told me if my dates are off, then it is. It would seem far-fetched and there are too many "ifs" for my liking, but I've come to the conclusion that it could be possible (a +OPK but I didn't O until later and a super, super early HPT). Not very likely at all (I think my odds are better to win the lottery), but still within the realm of possibilities.

So for now, I am pregnant. For now, I have hope.

As twisted as this may sound, I'm glad I didn't see the heartbeat. Seeing that flicker on the screen in October was too much for me. Knowing that I had a heart inside of me that stopped beating was all the more difficult to grasp with that image seared in my memory.

I've decided to still stay home from work. My principal has been so understanding and generous. There's a good sub in and I although I could have gone in Mon-Wed, my mind is such mush right now that I wouldn't want to call off if I was having problems. I'm also able to go into my RE any day if I start spotting again.

I'm trying to let it go, at least for this weekend. My aunt is getting married. This may not sound like anything extraordinary, but for her, it is. She and I used to be extremely close but after battling drug addiction for many years, she lost everything...her home, her pets and even her children. She has been sober for ten years now and is now working as a counselor for a rehab facility. I am so proud of her and am so happy for her. She's 54 years old and has said that she finally has her happy ending. I'm leaving all of my shit behind for the weekend and celebrating her.