Bumps? and a Reveal

pg post...

I wanted to update a bit about what's going on with me.  Hopefully someone out there can shed some insight, too.

• I'm 27 1/2 weeks.  
• I had my first "scare" and visit to L&D.  Ok, scare is being used loosely here.  You're supposed to call about a decrease in fetal movement.  So, I did.  Go to L&D now, the nurse says.  Thankfully, baby is just fine. 
• We/I continue to measure "big".  This is odd to me, especially since I'm right on target (or a little on the low side) for weight gain.   Because of this, I have to have an u/s on Thursday morning to make sure all is ok.
• I miserably and horribly failed my 1hr glucose test.  I can't help but hope it's because I had lunch shortly before.  Anyway, three hour version is this Thursday.
• My thyroid is being a little wonky.  A month ago, it was fine.  I continued the same med dose.  Yesterday, my TSH is now on the hyperthyroidism side (although mild) yet me T4 is fine.  Doc wants my dose to stay the same because he says T4 is the most important for baby.  Anyone have this?
• I've been officially moved to the intermediate risk "clinic" and I have to say, seeing the same two docs every two weeks is way better than a crapshoot of who I'll see every four.

I am just hoping that these are regular ol' things that aren't that big of a deal.  I liked it so much better when there wasn't anything like this going on.

Whatever it takes for Alaina Grace to be ok.  For those who asked, that's what we've decided to name her.  We couldn't decide between one name and Alaina, so I decided for us and ordered the letters for above her crib.  After all, the one giving birth gets the final say, right?  :)

Do You Get Lost in Labels?

Generally speaking, I don't enjoy getting together with a group of women.  There's a coaches' dinner coming up (my husband coaches wrestling), where the wives and husbands get together for dinner.  It was just awful last year.  The men were talking about all kinds of cool things...sports, beer, etc.

The women?  They were talking about how best to clean their homes, how to get stains our of clothing and their kids.

I've never been in a relationship like the one my husband and I have before.  I now live in his hometown (I relocated here before I even knew him for a teaching job) and am about an hour and a half from home.  I truly hope that, although my husband and I love to do pretty much everything together that I haven't lost my identity as "Kelly" and have let the label of "Mr SC's wife" take over. 

Most of the women in my life have lost themselves...to the identity of wife and mother.  It's almost as if they no longer exist as individuals.

I would like to think that I'm still Kelly first and Mr SC's wife and the role of teacher both take turns being second.  That's not to say that I put my marriage after my job but I truly feel as though being a teacher is an all-consuming profession. 

I wonder how men would identify themselves.  Or, do they even think about things like this at all?  :)

What are your labels?

Taking a Step Forward

This post is a bunch of things...updates and ICLW to sum things up a bit.

It's been a long, long time since I've participated in ICLW.  Welcome and thanks for stopping by if you're here!  I had decided to sign up once or twice but was so afraid of the three descriptor words. 

So, today I took the plunge.  I officially typed, "pregnant after RPL".

To make a long story short, Mr SC (hubs) and I have been TTC since 7/08.  We never really had difficulty getting pregnant, it was the staying pregnant that was our problem.  No one was really able to shed any answers, either.  So, we decided back in October we were on an indefinite break and were most likely going to live child free. We were supposed to start trying again that month after our fourth miscarriage back in May of 2010.   A week later, we found out I was pregnant.

Diving up the 40 weeks of pregnancy by threes, I'll be into the 3T this weekend.  Absolutely, positively crazy.  I still, still cannot believe it.

I'm doing fairly well.  I have an OB appointment this Monday to make sure that I'm still not measuring ahead.  If I am, I'll have another u/s just to double check that everything is ok. 

The coolest thing started happening a few days ago.  We can now see our little girl kick.  It's so strange to just be sitting in a chair and watch your stomach move!  I love every moment of it.

Now that we've picked a name I can use it instead of "baby girl" all the time.  The nursery is coming together slowly. 

Knock on wood that all continues to go well.

Spread the Word and Take Action!

Ok...I know we've seen and heard about this.  PLEASE, everyone...sign the petition.  Write an email.  SOMETHING.  ANYTHING.

Some of the responses are disgusting.  Read here and here (and be sure to click on "read more"...it gets worse!").  If you don't want to write a letter/email, please consider signing the petition here.

The Dreaded April...

I love spring. I love the buds on the trees and watching in amazement as the flowers I planted several years ago still bloom (I'm still relatively new to this gardening thing).

But... this marks the third April that I've been pregnant. The last two Aprils, my babies were already dead or dying inside me and I didn't know it. I hit the huge 24 week milestone tomorrow and I can't help but be more terrified than ever.

For Mother's Day two years ago, DH bought me lilies. I remember so vividly thinking how the next year's Mother's Day would be the best ever because I'd have a baby in my arms. Instead, I was recovering for my 4th missed miscarriage and the cytotec I took a week before.

 I'm not a religious person by any means, but for the last several months, I've found myself thanking God every morning for getting us through the night and thanking him again every night for getting us through the day.

Please God, let us get through April.

Life Through the Eyes of IF/Blogger No Paragraphs???

Is so different in more ways than just dealing with the pain of struggling to have a baby or losing a baby. I ended up catching the last two episodes of Se.x and the Ci.ty tonight. You know, the ones where Carrie moves to Paris, Samantha is confronting treatment for breast cancer and Miranda and Steve are facing Steve's mother's dementia. And Charlotte and Harry wanting to adopt a child. I didn't get it as I watched this show faithfully seven years ago. Charlotte was married to Trey and they struggled with fertility treatments (the shots, the testing, everything) and finally got to the point where Trey said he was done and Charlotte accepted. And then they got divorced. These last two episodes of the series show Charlotte and Harry meeting with birth parents and learning that they change their minds. Ultimately, they end up adopting a baby girl from China. I was so completely oblivious to the pain in these episodes. I had no idea what it would feel like to deal with RPL. I had no idea how many couples struggle with IF. Why would I? I wasn't at that point in my life (and didn't think I ever would be). As I watched these episodes and didn't even try to hold back the tears, I also cried for the first real time for the IF that they included in the storyline. How many women are in their exact shoes? Over the last two years, I've met many. I realized just how completely different of a woman I am from when those last episodes first aired seven years ago. And, although the pain I've endured was hell, I can honestly say that I'm a better person from all of it. My eyes have been opened. I'm so much more sensitive to others and what they could be going through. After all, how many of us dealing with IF/RPL choose to do so silently? At the end of the day, some good did come out of all of this pain. ***edited to add*** Please don't feel as though this is a "I've found Zen" post now that I'm pg. (I actually think I wrote a post similar to this some time ago). Bitterness, anger and sadness are still emotions that I have come to know rather intimately. However, for me, that's my own stuff to work out. The losses opened my eyes more to others and in that way, I feel it's made me a better person.

Something Sweet That Made Me Sad

So, I guess that means it was bittersweet? :)

Today, a friend at work passed me in the hallway and told me she left something on my desk. Ok, I said. I didn't think much of it.

There was a small gift bag (yay...a present for no reason!) and in it were two Pen.n St.ate baby pacifiers. That by itself almost made me cry because it was so kind and so thoughtful. I went and found her in the hall to thank her and give her a hug.

As I'm hugging my friend, she's saying to me that she bought those for me such a long time ago and she was never able to give them to me. As students are walking past us, it took every ounce of my being not to completely lose it in the hallway.

So now I have a gift for my baby girl and every time I look at those pacifiers, instead of being sad for her brothers and sisters that I lost, I'm going to try and focus on how she has a small part of them with her.