Yesterday was horrible. I don't know why this loss's anniversary is so devestating but it was. So, yesterday was horrible. I was so upset all day, I'm not sure how I went and taught kids all day. I did it though and came home and went to bed.
I had a some sort of epiphany last night though after laying in bed for a few hours. I started to make a list of all of the dates to be happy about on the calendar. Mr SC did it with me, too. It felt so good to lay with him and talk about all of our good times. I even thought I would make a list, to keep both at home and at school, to remind me of all the good things.
(Hopefully you're sensing an enormous BUT coming along)..
My mom yesterday asked when we could chat on the phone. I told her I wasn't up to it yesterday and I called her when I got home from school today. She starts to tell me how my stepbrother (former party animal who has now found "the love of his life" from Brazil) is not only moving in with his girlfriend, but they're getting married. November 20th. It's a small wedding, blah, blah, blah. I'm praying in my head I don't hear the words that I hear.
She's pregnant. She's due in mid-May, just when my EDD for this lost pregnancy will be (oh yeah, and when I miscarried #4).
I started sobbing hysterically and hung up on my mother.
I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired of all of the energy that I expend simply trying to exist. And I'm so tired of how much effort it takes to get up every time I get kicked down. I'm just tired of getting up.
This blows! BLOWS! I'm sorry, Kelly. And I hate them both. On your behalf, of course.
ReplyDeleteOMG. How awful. I am so, so sorry, Kelly.
ReplyDeleteThat just flat out SUCKS! There's no other word for it. I'm with Marla, I hate them as well. But if I know you, you WILL get up because you are one of the strongest people I've ever "heard" talk. But you take as much time as you need. There's nothing saying you have to get up today. Take care of yourself first, that's all that matters.
ReplyDeleteOMG, this is not fair and it sucks so bad!!! I'm so sorry! I agree with Marla.
ReplyDeleteOh no - this sucks!!! I'm so very sorry.
ReplyDeleteOh honey, big huge hugs coming your way.
ReplyDelete:-( What a kick in the guts. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteBut you DO have times to be happy about. And there will be more in the future.
ugh, I am so very sorry. Nothing like pouring salt in those wounds.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you...
That is so so so hard! When we were trying, even before my losses, I had a dream that my brother and sister-in-law were pregnant...the night before she took the test and found out that indeed she was. I love them dearly, and yet it was so hard. They lost that little boy at 30 weeks, a week before my first loss. Imagine the devastation for all of us. I know it's hard, but I do hope that you're able to focus on those good dates! I really think that is a wise and healthy plan!
ReplyDeleteIt always kicks you when you're already down doesn't it? When you're already struggling to deal with sad/bad stuff, more somehow manages to find you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. And I'm sorry but I have to be blunt here and say your Mum's a tad inconsiderate with her timing [presuming she knew what you were dealing with?] and your brother's just an arse.
Much Love to you my friend.
xxxxx
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
ReplyDelete*hugs* I am sorry. It seems like whenever you are finally able to get up again and are feeling a little better you get knocked down again. I hope that you start to feel a little better soon and that you get some time to enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. *hugs*
ReplyDeletethere were so many times that I just wanted to live on that floor... I'm so sorry. Lots of hugs!
ReplyDeleteHow awful! I'm so sorry you are going through this. ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteI hate it with you. I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteThanks, everyone. :) I knew that you would get it.
ReplyDeleteRuby, apparently my stepbrother told my mom a few weeks ago and they were asked to keep quiet until after they had their first u/s yesterday afternoon. It sounds like my mom emailed me and asked to talk to me as soon as she found out. Obviously yesterday wasn't a good day but she wanted to tell me before my stepbrother did.
(*HUGS*) omg, I would have wailed uncontrollably and probably tried to find something to break. So sorry hun! That is hard, especially the timing :(
ReplyDeleteSorry sweetie, oh so relatable! :(
ReplyDeleteUgh, that's just too much! I am so disgusted and angry and bitter on your behalf! (and on the behalf of all infertile women) That just fricking sucks.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
I'm so sorry Kelly. I cannot even imagine. (((Hugs))) and sending you lots of good thoughts.
ReplyDeleteOh, that's a hard blow. I'm so sorry. What horrendous timing.
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs, Kelly.
UGH! Could the timing be any worse? Kelly, I am just so sorry. You didn't need this news. And I am just so sorry that this all hurts so much right now. I wish there was more I could say. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteOh, how brutal to hear that at such a time. I'm so sorry, Kel. We are all here with you and for you.
ReplyDelete((Hugs))
Love,
Maddy
Ouch. As if you didn't have enough on you mind today. I'm so sorry. And I can totally relate to how awful it feels. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteThings like this always seem to come up for us girls....It just flat out stinks:( Major Major Bummer...I guess the bright side is they dont live close so at least you dont have to see her all the time...Thank God
ReplyDeleteOh Kelly, I am so sorry... life seems so unfair. I wish there was something I could do to help you through this. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteSeriously?! Did your mom have to tell you this right now?
ReplyDeleteI am so terribly sorry, that is just salt in an open wound.
*giant hugs*
Sucks. It just downright sucks. I'm so sorry, what a day to get that news. Sending hugs your way.
ReplyDeleteWTF!! You need a break so you can come up for air. ((HUGS))
ReplyDelete((HUGS)) I'm so sorry Kelly. :(
ReplyDeleteoh, no. that's so unfair.
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry :(
I think that some stuff just hits you. Like nothing else. Anniversaries. And news like that. News like that the day after a terrible anniversary, though, that's a particular brand of suckiness I'll never get over. I'm sorry, Kelly:(
ReplyDeleteOh God, that is horrible news. I would have completely lost it. Tell me you are skipping the wedding??
ReplyDeleteKelly, I'm so so so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kinds comments on my blog. Thank you for reminding me I am not alone in this crappy IF road.
Thinking of you.
I've been thinking about this since you told me, and I can't help but keep asking, "Why?" in my head. It doesn't seem fair, Kelly. You've been through so much, and you don't deserve this pain.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry.
UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH - oh it just makes my stomach churn. somedays, well, most days i think if hear someone else is pregnant i will find her and puke on her.... I'm sorry sweet one. it sucks.
ReplyDelete