Until Baby A was born.
Immediately after A's birth, she did some bizarre stuff that really, really stung. She decided, the day after A was born, to keep her plans and go to the family camp for the long holiday weekend (4th of July). Most of the family went, too (fine, fewer visitors at hospital), but MIL was always the one who was going to take care of our dogs after the baby was born while we were in the hospital. That meant that Mr SC had to drive home in the morning and a night again to take care of the dogs (leaving us at the hospital) until we found a friend who could help. The hospital was 50 minutes away...so it wasn't easy.
When she comes over to the house, she just sits and stares at the baby. Stares. Doesn't offer to help. Doesn't bring dinner. Just stares. I'm sorry, but we don't have time to sit around and chit chat/visit so you can just stare at the baby.
The garden we have is supposed to be a collaborative effort. Weeding, picking, etc. is shared by us. She's stepped foot in the garden one time this year. Once. I've come to learn that many, many newborns must be held almost 24-7 or they cry. Baby A is getting better (we can put her down when she's sleeping during the day now) but, especially in the beginning, it was tough to deal with the garden (58 tomato plants, green beans, snap peas, peppers) and keep up with it. She's not interested at all in the garden this year. It's been tough for Mr SC and I'm not much help because of the baby.
This post has turned into a bitch.y one, and that's not really what I intended. I just am at a loss here. She's been so incredibly bizarre and what I've posted is just a bit of what's going on. She recently shared that she was so sick with worry during the pregnancy and I'm wondering if that has something to do with it.
Or, my ultimate fear? This is her 11th grandchild. I fear that, to her, Baby A is just a dime a dozen where grandbabies are concerned. Then, there's my mother, who lives an hour and a half away and would kill for the chance to see her grandchild on a daily basis. I'm the only child and this is her only grandchild.
Looking back, I'm not sure why I wrote this post. Perhaps for insight? To get it off my chest? I'm not sure. Anyway, if you've read the post this far, thanks. :)
That is bizarre. MILs are weird, and sometimes babies bring out the weird even in otherwise normal people. Can your husband talk to her about helping out more, with both baby and garden, or even try to find out if something's bothering her? (I always prefer that my husband deals with his family, though depending on your relationship, maybe you could just bring it up with her yourself? Not an easy conversation though...) Sorry she's being weird and hope she comes around soon!
ReplyDeleteI hope writing this post was helpful, your mil's behavior is odd. Hopefully something will change. Or maybe you will adapt and figure out how best to handle her strangeness!
ReplyDeleteBtw, your garden sounds amazing! Jealous :)
Just wanted to send some (((Hugs))). I'm sorry the situation with your MIL has turned so difficult.
ReplyDeleteI also had a great relationship with my MIL...until my daughter arrived. But rather than staring at the baby, she stared at facebook for most of her visit! I hope it gets better (for both of us!).
ReplyDeleteThat is REALLY bizarro. I really don't think that by grandchild #11 she's all "Whatever" about grandkids. I mean, grandparents are NEVER like that! Weird weird. Can you have Mr SC talk to her and try to find out what's up?
ReplyDeleteThis is tough! I am wondering, could these all be signs of depression? it seems all these changes are kind of unexpected from her. Otherwise, I just don't get it. You need support these days, not to have to think about others' problems or them giving you a hard time.
ReplyDeleteI would also say, if you can share this with Mr SC, maybe he could approach her and figure out what the heck is going on?
You probably wrote it to get it off your chest.
ReplyDeleteWow, looks like she is dealing with PPD, except that she isn't the one who gave birth.
If you are able to speak to her straightforwardly, maybe you or Mr. SC can have a little chat with her.
I am sure that it must be a huge bit of adjustment on all sides, but she does appear to be behaving very strangely. Maybe Mr. SC can speak to her about it?
I also think Mr SC needs to talk to her., Not you, you have enough on your plate :)
ReplyDeleteIf she was all blah about her latest grandchild I very much doubt she'd bother coming round to sit and stare. It really does sound odd, though.
Oh, hon. I'm so sorry. My SIL and BIL have had a similar bewildering experience with my BIL's mother. She doesn't help. She just stares. Everyone was SURE she'd be the "go to" grandmother but she just isn't. And, for her, their kids are her first grandchildren so it doesn't even seem to be baby burnout. I don't know what the issue is but it definitely upset my SIL.
ReplyDeleteI agree that Mr. SC needs to talk to her. It's a tough one to broach, but given how close she is and how she's actually making life MORE difficult for you, it seems like something's got to give. ((hugs))
I'm so glad I posted, because now I don't feel like I'm crazy! I suggested that Mr SC talk to her and I said wait until you're not mad...he then interjected that he's always mad at her. I didn't realize it had gotten to that level with him.
ReplyDeletedo you ask her to hold the baby when she comes over?
ReplyDeleteOlivia, yes. I thought maybe that was it at first so I started asking. Usually the answer is no.
ReplyDeleteThat's even weird-er. No idea.
ReplyDeleteSo bizarre! I'm also glad you posted - somebody really does need to talk to her. Very weird behavior - hope a talk helps!!!
ReplyDeleteIt is strange. Period. But it seems to me that there's something going on with HER (and I don't think it's the 11th grandchild thing). People have funny reactions to things - the whole puppy thing. It's tough when you've been counting on someone for something like that, and they pretty much bail. But I bet there's something completely unrelated (or related, but psychological and basically coming from within her) that's at the root of it.
ReplyDeleteYou're a saint. Not sure I could live next to any in-laws (much as I love them).