- would finally figure out what love was all about and what marriage was supposed to be at 33
- would want a child so desperately
- suffered through four miscarriages, with no apparent answers or reasons for any of them
- would be lucky enough to have a beautiful rainbow baby
- loves to live in the country, in a small town without a traffic signal
- stopped following the news religiously
- would develop a love for gardening (although you can't much tell this year)
- would lose friends because I had a baby (and not IRL friends but friends from the IF community)
Monday, September 5, 2011
I Never Thought...
That I'd be the Woman Who:
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I never thought that I'd be the woman who:
ReplyDelete#got married so young [21]
#wanted children
#but then wouldn't be able to have children
#would be able to face a life with no children
#but then could face that life with renewed hope that we would be just fine, just us two
it's amazing what we can achieve in life when we think perhaps we aren't strong enough or if we are so set on one path but abruptly have to take another.
our "battles" prove our strength and make sure we can tackle anything - you've proven that ;-)
and i have to comment on your last point. it's sad that it has to happen but for some infertility takes it's toll on them more so than on others and if it leaves them with forever empty arms, it can be hard to be around those who, despite fighting it just the same, won the prize at the end. just remember, losing the friendship, isn't about you, it's about the circumstance[s] that, that friend finds themselves in now - it feels personal but it's not, it's just that persons way of protecting their already fragile heart.
xxx
"it feels personal but it's not, it's just that persons way of protecting their already fragile heart" I know that you're right, but it still hurts
ReplyDeletei know and i know it hurts and chances are, despite perhaps your heart telling you otherwise, that it wasn't an easy decision for this person[s] to make to cut the friendship off.
ReplyDeletei've been there and have done it to a few people online - made that decision to cut that tie because it was just too painful. i've done it to very few people though and the ones i have cut ties with, had nothing to do with them becoming a parent and everything to do with them becoming a parent who turned into a whiney complain about everything person who had forgotten the journey they had taken in order to become that parent.
i have no time for people who don't value what they have, even less time for people who don't value what they have and have walked a bloody difficult path of infertility to get there!!
i still follow & keep in contact with A LOT of ttcers who have now crossed over and have their arms filled, is it hard? yes. does it hurt at times to read about their lives? bloody oath but i care about them and so want to hear how their lives and their new family are going.
sometimes the pain is worth it. i guess i'm lucky in that i am strong enough to handle the pain of hearing others good news and seeing them happy, others however are not.
xxxxxxxxx
I know and it hurts. I've had it happen too. ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteI totally relate to your last bullet point. I'm always cautious to comment on some blogs though because I feel like I'm just hurting people because I was blessed with my boys. I think losing the connection to those women has been the hardest part of life after IF.
ReplyDeleteIts a hard place to beinright now, to want to support others still in IF hell, but feel totally overwhelmed with love for your child and beam happiness at the same time. Your sensitivity to others shines through, hopefully lost connections will be reconnected.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the hurt. I'm still out here, reading and happy for you (and hurting for you too).
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to say that I'm still reading, too. I'm sorry you've lost friends.
ReplyDeleteI want you to know that your story is part of what inspires me to keep on trying for my own rainbow baby.
(((Hugs)))
I'm still reading, definitely.
ReplyDeleteBut I understand what you're saying. People do drift away when life circumstances change, but even knowing that it's still hard.
I'm still here, just not as much. Life is busy getting in the way. :)
ReplyDeleteNot loosing me friend, weather my arms were full with Isaac or not! :) <3
ReplyDeleteGlad that love, marriage and the rainbow baby are there in your life.
ReplyDeleteI never quit reading/following blogs when the IFers had children. If that happened, it was only because I had lost interest at some point.
And I think that this continues to happen. People will fall off. Just take it with a pinch of salt.
My story is a bit different than yours. I was never a real IF'er. I just had one miscarriage and then a really bad pregnancy and a micropreemie. I did lose many followers to my story when things weren't as soap-opera-y, but the real friends that I did have stuck around. The people who followed me originally I suppose were okay that I didn't need IVF and that I had only had one miscarriage. If they weren't, then they wouldn't have followed me in the first place. That's where I think our situations are different. You probably have many IF women as well as women with RPL, and it may be so hurtful to follow the story of someone who had their happy ending, where they keep struggling and struggling to find theirs.
ReplyDeleteI will say that my journey has now taken a different road and I am now in the community of parents of kids with special needs. My B is very far behind and many things are a struggle. I have difficulty following the twitter accounts of women who tweet about their breastfeeding (while B is on a feeding tube) and how their child is now "walking" "talking" "eating tons and tons of food." I have stayed in contact with people who I really connected with by reading their blogs and following them on twitter, but if they are one of the moms who constantly tweet about those things that I mentioned AND I never felt a connection, then I will unfollow them on their blog and twitter. At first I felt like a horrible person, but then I realized that it was for my own self-protection. It did me no good to compare my baby with the other babies and that was exactly what I was doing when I read the blogs of these women or their tweets.
You are a very kind person and I cannot imagine you ever offending anyone. I think that the friends that you lost are just protecting themselves.
I also think that some people just stop blogging or lose interest. I usually don't comment on blogs anymore at all because I have no time or energy, but it isn't because I don't want to comment. So that might be happening too.
I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I'm still reading and following you, even though I don't comment very much.
Well, you'll never lose me, that's for sure! :)
ReplyDeleteA lot of the time I feel like some who have "crossed over" have abandoned me. (This isn't you I'm talking about...) And, really, I know that's not true. I know that they sometimes don't know what to say anymore and are often afraid of hurting me by "reminding me" that they've had their kids and I haven't. Or, that they just don't have the time anymore -- which is completely understandable. I just miss them, that's all.
I can't imagine why you'd lose online friends because even though you had a baby, you have continued to be sensitive and supportive of the rest of us. =) That's not true for all girls, but 110% is for you. So, I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteI'm still reading and following you!
ReplyDelete((hugs)), Kelly. Sorry about the loss of friends in the IF community. I've found that my true friends have stuck with me and I'm so grateful for every single one of them.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I love that you've become a country girl with a garden!
I'm sorry that you feel you have lost friends. As other posts have stated I think it's really a way of self preservation. It doesn't make it right, but sometimes it's all we have.
ReplyDeleteI'm still here and I'm still reading...and I'd love to see some pictures of your Rainbow. :-)
Thinking of you.
This community is tough. I remember reading on someone's blog that it's hard for infertiles to be friends with each other, as we don't all "resolve" our infertility in the same way and time. That comment has stuck with me, both IRL and online. I think there are some that will try to keep friendships going, because they like the people behind the stories, and want to maintain those friendships. And some that are only interested in the stories, and if they can't relate to the stories, then it's hard to be friends with them. And others that it becomes too painful to watch as their previous friends move forward. I think the only thing we can do is provide as much love, support and understanding as we can, which doesn't seem to be difficult at all for you to do.
ReplyDeleteThat is such a hard part of this, everyone wants to get their happy ending, yet it's so sad to watch what feels like everyone else get theirs. Obviously I'm still here and I'll be following! Being in the same position, I just have to know that I felt the same way and quit following people when it hurt me too badly.
ReplyDeleteOn the other bullets, it's amazing what we learn, when we learn it, and how we learn it when it seemed so unlikely!
*hugs* I'm still here. I'm sorry your feeling sad, but your true friends will stick around.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about the lost friendships. It's like the hurt never stops even when you finally obtain your dream.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs your way. Sorry you have lost friends.
ReplyDeleteI'm still reading -- less often since I don't read any blogs daily anymore and I deleted my blog for my own sanity, but I still do care.
ReplyDeleteLex, how are you?
ReplyDeleteI know I came and went from my own blog through this whole journey. Sometimes blogging and the blogging community were my salvation, sometimes I needed distance. It's a tough journey, unique for each of us. But I bet those who have wandered away will return in time, and new people will continue to find you.
ReplyDeleteSometimes the things we never thought of are the ones that bring us the largest blessings!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad for you, for so many things on that list. The last one is a tough one. It's interesting. All of us who have been there understand it - and I realize that I myself was guilty of it! - (but it still kind of hurts).
ReplyDelete