Why? I have the answer.

That's what I'm telling myself anyway. It's a thought I've had since last July when we started TTC and it still lingers.

Truth be told, I never really wanted children. *GASP* I know, for someone who has been trying to get pregnant now for over a year, this is the unheard of. Yet, it's true.

I've never been one of those fairy tale wishing gals. You know the ones...those who always dream of this big, lavish wedding. Nope, not me. There were a total of eight people at my wedding and that was just right. No princess gown for me.

I also never really wanted to be a mommy. Sure, I played with my coveted Cabbage Patch dolls and Barbies, but not the way some little girls do. As I got older and people asked if I wanted kids, I always said "we'll see". I never really felt like I had that maternal instict that some women or girls have. Those who just love love love kids. That all changed when I met DH.

Having a child became something that DH and I wanted, together. We want to raise a child that is part of us. We want to share our love and our home with a child. We talked about all of this relatively early on in our relationship when we knew that this was it for both of us. I remember clearly saying...I've been on the pill for so long. What if all my women parts don't work? What if we can't have kids? Is that a deal-breaker? His response? No, I don't just want kids. I want to have kids with you.

Where is the answer to "Why?" Why has this happened to me? It's simple. I didn't yearn for it like many women have. We've been at this game for 15 months, which isn't all that long to women who have been trying for years and who have always, for as long as they can remember, wanted a child. It's not fair that I get to have a baby when I'm new to this wanting a baby game. Why should it come easy to me when some have wanted it desperately for so much longer?

Why that title??

I hate musicals. Ok, I don't hate them. Rent was pretty cool. I have though, since I was a little girl, absolutely LOVED Annie. One of my favorite songs from the movie is this one...

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!

When I'm stuck a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin,
And Say,
Oh!

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
You're always
A day
A way!

I'm trying to keep this song in mind lately. I could use some sunshine. I'm trying to remember that there's a great little four letter word in the English language: hope.