Phew!

Thanks everyone for all of your support. I can't tell you how much better your words made me feel. I was so worried last night and during the night.

At this point, it seems to have been all for nothing. I cleared hurdle #2. Doubling time is 55 hours (48-72 hours at this point is normal). My next draw is on Friday.

Sometime during the week I'll be writing a post that has nothing to do with my obsessing over things!

Scared

Tomorrow morning is my second beta.

I've been doing a good job, for the most part, this weekend. Really, I have. I am just concerned because I don't feel the same way I did with my previous pregnancies (yes, I know, they ended in losses...so why am I comparing?) This has been the same though since before I got my BFP.

Anyway, I caved and POAS...my last FRER. It was this afternoon after I had been guzzling water all day. The second line popped up right away and is dark. It's much darker than it had been a week ago and it's almost as dark as the control line, but it isn't yet. I'm just so scared. I just want to come home tomorrow and curl up in a ball and wait for the results.

Mr SC keeps asking me what's wrong. I know I don't seem like myself, but I feel like I'm letting him down...POAS and being like this.

Today

Today is the one year anniversary of my first miscarriage. Although I knew it was coming, it didn't make it any easier. I was in the waiting room while Mr SC was having surgery when I discovered it had begun.

That first loss took so much from me but most notably, it took the innonence of TTC and the happiness that came with a BFP. We all know the statistics, but never think it will happen to us. I learned my lesson that day.

The Problem With Being An Overachiever

is that it transcends all parts of your life, including your betas.

I'm 15DPO and my betas from this morning were 85. I *know* that the average for 15DPO is 59 and the range is 17-147, but still.

My RE sounded pleased and my progesterone is good. Next round is Monday afternoon.

How I'm Doing.

This is my fourth pregnancy. The most my little ones grew with any of my losses was 6w3d. My last pregnancy, in particular, ate me alive. It was a hellish roller coaster right from the start, where every hour of every day felt like an eternity.
Here I am, somehow lucky enough to get pg our first cycle trying again. This baffles me, since it took 8 cycles to get our first BFP. I realize I'm very fortunate in that regard.

I've had jury duty since Monday and haven't been picked. I'm pretty much in the holding tank all day. Plenty of time to let my mind wander (or read two full books, but who's counting?)

I'm doing well. I've not allowed myself to entertain what ifs. I've ended both nights with an "I made it.". I know I've only know for two days, but that's a big step for me. I just have to keep telling myself it's out of my hands and worrying isn't going to change that.
I have an appointment tomorrow morning with my RE to talk about injections and to get my betas checked. I'm excited.

Most importantly, I haven't looked ahead on the calendar. I don't know the date my first trimester ends of when the halfway point is. All I know is that December 1st is the day I hope I finally get to hold my baby in my arms. Other than that, an hour at a time.

OH. MY. GOD!

If you're stopping by from ICLW, this is blog is a bit different than the descriptors that I listed. I wanted to warn you before reading any further.

That's right, my bloggy friends...

I got my BFP! I can't freaking believe it.

Please, please, please, please keep everything crossed for me that I have a super, sticky bean in there!!

Are You Freaking Kidding Me?

Nope. No, no joke here.

After being knocked on my ass by the flu (sorry if you're new here from ICLW...I'm a potty mouth), I thought oh, I should POAS. So I did.

The darn thing didn't work.

Yes, that's right. Ever drop of that FMU was just wasted. Sigh.