What Is Wrong With People???

Mr SC and I often share a computer. So, this morning, I did some dishes, put in a load of wash, got a glass of juice and sat down to read blogs, check out FB (you know, the usual stuff). When I pull up FB, hubs is logged in. Ok, fine. This allows me to see his wall however and is the root of my frustration this morning.

Mr SC has a stepbrother. Stepbrother has been arrested for DUI several times and assault. He barely can hold a job, is recently divorced from his wife (they married when they were 20, when he was still using drugs regularly) and now is in an on-again, off-again relationship where he stars as the abuser in the relationship. (Seriously. The last time they were "off", the ex posted online about how glad she was to be free of all the violence and abuse.)

Of course, he has two children. They're great kids, in spite of everything. They're 14 and 12, I believe. Stepbrother is 35. He had just posted a new pic of his two kids with his sister's 1 year old (in case you don't remember, this is the stepSIL who shared my original due date with me from my first miscarriage).

There's this whole string of comments with his pics. It's an exchange of about four people. Some of the comments are:

"I'm so glad I started early! I'm almost free in my 30's!"
"Yes, no old parent bullshit for me! "
"Yes, child will be going to college next year. I'm 35 and free!" (for the record, I had this child in class and there is no hope of said child going to college)
"Why would you want to still have kids in your 50's?"

I am livid. First, why do people make statements like believing when their child is 18 they are "free"? Really, stepbrother? Your dad hasn't been bailing you out repeatedly with money, driving you to work when you lost your license, etc? Um, the last time I checked, this was still going on last year and you are in your 30's!

Also, it just seems so careless to me. Sure, you can have a child physically (and technically) at 17 (or earlier) but really...what can you offer that child? But hey, it's worth it because you can party in your 30's!

The kicker...stepbrother's status update is how his son starts junior high wrestling season today with an all day tournament. His words? "JH wrestling season with an all day tourney today and I'm going hungover. Should make for a long day"

WHO SAYS THAT??

Wow

Mr SC and I are just beside ourselves! Our little Nitt.any Lion is measuring 8w5d (right on target) and has a HB of 178!!!

We still can't believe this is actually happening.

We were released from the RE today, which was bittersweet. The nurse that always is with us and the RE both hugged us and the nurse started crying after hugging me after the u/s. I could not have asked for more compassionate and wonderful doctors.

For the first time, we were given a due date by the doctor! July 25th. :)

Thank you for all of the well wishes, prayers and thoughts!

I Feel Badly For My Dogs (Updated)

**Just wanted to let you know that my u/s is tomorrow morning (not today).

My black lab mix, Lewie, is eight. He can be active and crazy but he's also perfectly happy laying with me. Then, there's Nitt.any. She's the three year old yellow lab who runs, plays and fetches until she collapses. I usually make it my duty to come home from school, grab the Chuck.It and take the dogs outside. What's a Chuck.It? Well, it's a long grabber thing that lets you pick up a tennis ball and hurl it far in the air, all without touching the slobbery mess of the ball. All the while Nitt.any is fetching, Lewie waits for her to come back to me. What does he do? He jumps on Nittan.y's and humps her. Yep. It's hilarious. Sometimes he jumps on her back, sometimes it's her side...it really doesn't matter. He keeps going (a few seconds) until I throw the ball again and then he dismounts.

It's been so frigid outside I haven't been playing with them. I come home from school and take a nap because I'm so exhausted and the dogs get neglected. I call them up into bed with me though, which makes them happy.

In a little more than 36 hours, I'll know if I still have a strong little HB in there. The office opens at eight and people are on the schedule but they take you in the order you arrive. I can guarantee you I'll be there by 7:15am.

Significant Others and Better Now

Significant Others: I've been thinking quite some time about how the men in our lives handle all of this. 95% of dealing with infertility rests with the female. Even if there is a diagnosis of MFI, the treatments, procedures, screenings aren't nearly as extensive (or invasive, imho) as for females. Do you think that makes this all easier for them or more difficult for them (or just different)? Even if males have difficulty with things, where do they turn for support? If women don't talk about IF IRL, males talk about it even less. I think there are only two blogs that I follow where males are the authors. How on earth do they cope without a support system?
____________________________________________________________________
Better Now: I loved all the funny things that you posted and the things that you shared that you loved. :) I laughed hard for a while and the distraction certainly helped!

Things are better. I did also want to tell you that I could go in for a scan any day (weekends, too). They have time set aside each morning for patients that can just drop in. However, I didn't want to do that. I wanted to be able to be better in my head without having to see an u/s. For now, I just have to wait for more days.

Overall, too, I'm feeling good. I've only felt as if I were going to be sick a few times, but my stomach never feels good. It almost feels like I drank sour milk or something. The only time it feels better is when I eat. I'm having trouble with that, though. Food isn't particularly appealing, except for tomato sauce. I eat spaghetti of some form at least once a day.

Me and My Fu**ed Up Head

Yes, I do realize that the title isn't grammatically correct.

I need to get this out. I've been thinking about it and have been trying to work through it, but to no avail. So, here I am.

I am so nervous. I can't think of myself as pregnant. Even though in three of my other four losses I was "behind" on my first u/s, we were told (somehow, to some degree) that it could all be fine and to come back in a week for a follow-up.

I can't help but think that my little bean's heart has stopped beating. I have no reason to think this. I'm not having any problems...at all. Of course though, in my head, I figure that's because I'm on proges.terone and that's what stopping the inevitable spotting that would have occurred by now if I weren't on it.

It doesn't help that I stopped my Lex.apro after last week's good news. But, I then think that the fact that I'm allowing myself to have these bad thoughts is because something bad's happened and I just don't know it yet. After all, my ultra-calm state proved to be for a reason last week? Maybe I know this time, deep down.

One more week to go...

So, it remains to be seen if writing it out has actually helped. I don't know if there's any helping me. If you've read my ramblings to this point, post a comment about something you love. Or a funny story. Or something that no one knows about you. Or the soap op.era you watch.

The Most Beautiful Sound I've Ever Heard

was my baby's heartbeat this morning!!!!!!! I wasn't supposed to go in until next Thursday. We were concerned that at 6.5 weeks, it could cause too much concern. This morning though, I just had to go in. I've been fine. This morning though I just kept thinking about how could I make the choice to not know? I was already dressed for school, had mismatched socks on under my boots (lovely for my u/s) and haven't shaved my legs in forever. My RE laughed at me when she patted my leg and told me she had the heartbeat already and I apologized profusely for my fur.

My little nitta.ny lio.n is measuring right on target (a first at this stage for me) and has a heartbeat of 130BPM! :)

Dear Fertile Facebo.ok Idiot,

You have two kids already. You wanted another. Ta da! You got pregnant. You aren't having any problems. Goodie for you. Please though, don't be so ignorant as to post this for your status:

"Things I'd like for my bir.thday... surro.gate (I know its a little late for this), live in na.nny, ability to lose all my baby weight the day after labor! If you can send these gifts my way this year. ;0)"


Yours truly,

All of the infertile women out there who would give their right arm to be where you are right now