How I'm Doing.

This is my fourth pregnancy. The most my little ones grew with any of my losses was 6w3d. My last pregnancy, in particular, ate me alive. It was a hellish roller coaster right from the start, where every hour of every day felt like an eternity.
Here I am, somehow lucky enough to get pg our first cycle trying again. This baffles me, since it took 8 cycles to get our first BFP. I realize I'm very fortunate in that regard.

I've had jury duty since Monday and haven't been picked. I'm pretty much in the holding tank all day. Plenty of time to let my mind wander (or read two full books, but who's counting?)

I'm doing well. I've not allowed myself to entertain what ifs. I've ended both nights with an "I made it.". I know I've only know for two days, but that's a big step for me. I just have to keep telling myself it's out of my hands and worrying isn't going to change that.
I have an appointment tomorrow morning with my RE to talk about injections and to get my betas checked. I'm excited.

Most importantly, I haven't looked ahead on the calendar. I don't know the date my first trimester ends of when the halfway point is. All I know is that December 1st is the day I hope I finally get to hold my baby in my arms. Other than that, an hour at a time.

OH. MY. GOD!

If you're stopping by from ICLW, this is blog is a bit different than the descriptors that I listed. I wanted to warn you before reading any further.

That's right, my bloggy friends...

I got my BFP! I can't freaking believe it.

Please, please, please, please keep everything crossed for me that I have a super, sticky bean in there!!

Are You Freaking Kidding Me?

Nope. No, no joke here.

After being knocked on my ass by the flu (sorry if you're new here from ICLW...I'm a potty mouth), I thought oh, I should POAS. So I did.

The darn thing didn't work.

Yes, that's right. Ever drop of that FMU was just wasted. Sigh.

Welcome, ICLWers!

I really look forward to ICLW every month. It's such a great way to find great blogs and connect with others who can "get it". Thanks for stopping by!

All that standard stuff about me and TTC is over there on the right. I thought I'd add a few additional random details about me. Right now, I'm at the end of the 1WW. I thought maybe I was pregnant (damn early testing!) but now I have the flu. WOW did it knock me for a loop. I drank half a ginger ale today and that's it. I haven't been sick in several hours but I literally can't move. Mr SC (how I refer to my husband) joked that he could tell that I was sick because I wasn't on the computer all day! I think my temperature of 101 is finally on it's way down also.

Anyway...
1. I love springtime and my garden. I can't wait until it's warm enough to plant flowers. The sight of my daffodils and tulips coming up makes me smile.
2. My favorite color is green, even though I'm a die-hard PSU football fan.
3. Other than the ups and downs of this TTC stuff, I'm a fairly happy gal. It's been a rough road dealing with my three losses last year, but I'm getting there.
4. Mr SC and I will be celebrating our two year anniversary in June. We're planning a long weekend to Washington, D.C. We live in Pennsylvania and I'm a history teacher, so I've been there many times before. However, I've been there either as a student myself or as a teacher. Mr SC's interest in history now that he's met me has meant a great deal to me!

Happy ICLW!

No News to Report

but I figured since I dragged all of you into this I should at least tell you that.

My test again is super, super, super faint. I'd take a picture but I'm sure it won't even show up. I know our mantra: "a line is a line." Frankly though, I'm not even convinced that it is a line.

I know how we all agonize over the 1ww, but one of my friends is going through a wait that's truly much worse. If you don't already read her blog, stop over and check out Katie's blog at from if to when. She had surgery yesterday and is waiting for results of testing, which she will get on Thursday and she could use some support. What she's going through reminded me that there are some things more important than the 1WW.

If I have any news, I'll keep you posted.

Take Four?

I hate what the 1WW does to your mind.

Today I'm either 9DPO or 10DPO. I took at OPK two days ago and saw not one hint of a second line. Today there was a nice pink second line. I gradually get darker as I get set to O and if any of you do, it's about the color line one sees about three days before they get their positive. I know this isn't scientific, but hey, I did it twice before and I got +OPKs and then got +HPTs the same day.

Hmmmm...

Mr SC went and bought a digital. I forgot that men can't rattle off HPT sensitivities like most of us can. Anyway, it was one that detected 5o. Not pregnant. Ok, fine.

He went back and got a FRER.

I just peed in a cup. Sort of. I was going to wait until morning (the sacred FMU) so I literally had to tilt the cup to have enough to use. I swear if I hold this damn thing up to the light enough and tilt it sideways (no hopping on one foot necessary) that you can see a faint pink second line. The faintest pink light. Mr SC told me I was crazy. Then I took him to the light (haha) and asked him to tilt it. Oh yeah, there it is.

I know it could be an evap line. I know it's early. I get all that. I just am so amazed that I'm doing this to myself. GRRR.

Needless to say, I'll POAS in the am.

What If?

How much of your life do you live around the question...

What if I am pregnant?

I don't mean this in the traditional TTC sense. Not the 2WW or 1WW increments. Not all those lovely AF symptoms that you analyze in the hopes that they're just a little different this time.

What I mean is planning your life.

Mr SC and I are planning a long weekend to Washington, D.C. for our anniversary this summer. We got talking though last night about going to the beach (Mexico, maybe?) this summer instead for our anniversary. And then it started.

The back and forth. What if I'm pregnant? What if I'm super early pregnant? What if I'm pregnant and something happens? What if I'm not pregnant and we need the money to go the IUI route?

I know the "what if" game is killer. I try my best not to play it. I think this is different though. After three losses, I know that I'm going to be scared to do anything out of the ordinary. No jet skis or anything like that.

So...if we would opt to not take this trip, are we slaves to TTC? Or, is there nothing one can really do about that?

Just curious. Have a great weekend, everyone.