What a creative title, huh? I've also changed my background (again!)
I got the idea for this post after reading this extensive book list of 2009 from this great blog.
I'm including a list of the books I read in 2009. Not nearly as extensive as the other, but I wanted to share. I've kept a book that lists the books I've read since 2004, but sometimes I forget to record them. Tell me what you think about the books on my list. I'd love to hear what you've read also and what you recommend.
I pretty much only read fiction. I'm a social studies teacher and the two large bookshelves in my home are filled with mainly non-fiction. I always purchase them yet never read them. Why? Well, when I actually get to sit down and relax, I'd rather not think very much or try to learn. I do that every day at school. When I read, it's purely for entertainment. That's why I never watch the Histo.ry Channel either.
At the urging of a friend, I finally signed up at paperbac.kbookswap.com. Wow! It's like Christmas all over again.
So, here's my 2009:
Skeletons at the Feast/Chris Bohjalian
Testimony/Anita Shreve
Best Friends Forever/Jennifer Weiner
Dune Road/Jane Green
Indignation/Philip Roth
Twilight/Stephanie Meyer
New Moon/Stephanie Meyer
Eclipse/Stephanie Meyer
Breaking Dawn/Stephanie Meyer
Walking in Circles Before Lying Down/Merrill Markoe
Friday Night Knitting Club/Kate Jacobs
Twenties Girl/Sophie Kinsella
Windless Summer/Heather Sharffadin
Firefly Lane/Kristin Hannah
Black Friday/Alex Kava
Long Lost/Harlen Cohen
The Hour I First Believed/Wally Lamb
One Fifth Avenue/Candace Bushnell
The Senator's Wife/Sue Miller
Revolutionary Road/Richard Yates
My favorites are in green. My favorite books, overall though are: The Kite Runner, She's Come Undone and East of Eden.
Any recommendations?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
There Are Other Things You Can Do
I'm so frustrated right now! I was all excited to blog about books and nothing to do wtih TTC or my lady parts. Oh well.
So yesterday I started having pain on my left side in my stomach. On the inside. It almost felt like a pulled muscle. It got worse. Today then I started spotting a half decent amount. I was concerned but didn't want to be a hypochondriac. So, finally I thought I'd call and talk to my RE. My follow-up from my hysteroscopy (where she removed the scar tissue) wasn't until next Tuesday and I figured I'd be told I was just fine and see you then.
Nope. They said the doctor wants to see you at noon. Can you make it? I'm a teacher. It was in two hours. I thought oh shit. So, I ran around to try to get things done, trying not to lose it. Thankfully it was my prep period. I must've looked bad. My principal asked if I needed him to drive me. (He just knew I was having issues with surgery and my doctor wanted to see me)
Anyway, long story short my doc thinks I may have an infection. I have two antibiotics to pick up. She also has scheduled an in office hysteroscopy for next Tuesday afternoon to just "check things out". She talked about it could be from me just healing, it could be there's a bit of scar tissue left that she could clean up, etc. etc. She was very kind about everything and she reassured me that I did the right thing by calling.
Here's the funny part. Well, at least I think it's funny. So, SC and I have been going a little crazy because of the inability to engage in marital activities. But, whatever. So my procedure at first was scheduled for next Friday, which would have been 2 1/2 weeks of no activity. She's going over things for the procedure and says no intercourse before blah, blah. I pretty much interrupted her with a bewildered look on my face and said, no sex? SC swears her reply was directly TO ME since she was talking to me. I disagree and say she was just looking at me because I was the one who posed the question. Anyway, she says, (while laughing) "There are other things you can do." We all start cracking up and then SC says hey, you two are all red. So was he. Figures. Typical male!
I'm hoping that she looks around and that everything looks fine. I'm also hoping that the medicine takes care of everything. I'd like to get back on board for next month. I tried to stall all of my "what if" questions and my follow-up is on 1/21.
My next post will be non-TTC. I PROMISE! :)
So yesterday I started having pain on my left side in my stomach. On the inside. It almost felt like a pulled muscle. It got worse. Today then I started spotting a half decent amount. I was concerned but didn't want to be a hypochondriac. So, finally I thought I'd call and talk to my RE. My follow-up from my hysteroscopy (where she removed the scar tissue) wasn't until next Tuesday and I figured I'd be told I was just fine and see you then.
Nope. They said the doctor wants to see you at noon. Can you make it? I'm a teacher. It was in two hours. I thought oh shit. So, I ran around to try to get things done, trying not to lose it. Thankfully it was my prep period. I must've looked bad. My principal asked if I needed him to drive me. (He just knew I was having issues with surgery and my doctor wanted to see me)
Anyway, long story short my doc thinks I may have an infection. I have two antibiotics to pick up. She also has scheduled an in office hysteroscopy for next Tuesday afternoon to just "check things out". She talked about it could be from me just healing, it could be there's a bit of scar tissue left that she could clean up, etc. etc. She was very kind about everything and she reassured me that I did the right thing by calling.
Here's the funny part. Well, at least I think it's funny. So, SC and I have been going a little crazy because of the inability to engage in marital activities. But, whatever. So my procedure at first was scheduled for next Friday, which would have been 2 1/2 weeks of no activity. She's going over things for the procedure and says no intercourse before blah, blah. I pretty much interrupted her with a bewildered look on my face and said, no sex? SC swears her reply was directly TO ME since she was talking to me. I disagree and say she was just looking at me because I was the one who posed the question. Anyway, she says, (while laughing) "There are other things you can do." We all start cracking up and then SC says hey, you two are all red. So was he. Figures. Typical male!
I'm hoping that she looks around and that everything looks fine. I'm also hoping that the medicine takes care of everything. I'd like to get back on board for next month. I tried to stall all of my "what if" questions and my follow-up is on 1/21.
My next post will be non-TTC. I PROMISE! :)
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The Importance of Support
IF incredibly difficult and can take many, many different forms. It can be the woman who uses donor sperm and can't get pregnant. It can be the couple who try for cycle after cycle after cycle, with no explanation given from the doctors. It can be those who suffer from recurrent loss. It can lead to couples chosing it's too much to endure and to chose child-free living. Or adoption. Or the pull-out-all-the-stops and try anything possible.
One of the most challenging things about IF (other than the fact that we are still trying for children) is how isolated we feel from others, especially IRL. That's why so many of us turn here. To blogging. We feel safe here and feel like we're in a place where people understand.
I'm thankful to have the support system that I have here. At the end of the day, it's an outlet for our feelings. That's why it's been so helpful to me (and I know to others) to read your blogs. Even if everyone may not "get" the circumstances, we all have that one thing in common...
We all have empty arms. We all want so desperately to have a child to hold in our arms.
It's important that we remember that commonality. Our situations are all different, but the emptiness is the same.
One of the most challenging things about IF (other than the fact that we are still trying for children) is how isolated we feel from others, especially IRL. That's why so many of us turn here. To blogging. We feel safe here and feel like we're in a place where people understand.
I'm thankful to have the support system that I have here. At the end of the day, it's an outlet for our feelings. That's why it's been so helpful to me (and I know to others) to read your blogs. Even if everyone may not "get" the circumstances, we all have that one thing in common...
We all have empty arms. We all want so desperately to have a child to hold in our arms.
It's important that we remember that commonality. Our situations are all different, but the emptiness is the same.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
One of "Those" People
Three times today, while watching TV, the shows have referenced someone who "couldn't have children". It's not like I've been home watching TV for 24 hours straight or anything either.
I have been proud of myself. I force myself to say "when" I get pregnant again, rather than "if". When someone asks me how my surgery went (who knows what's going on with me) and I talk about my injections, I say, "when I get pregnant again I'll give them daily". I force myself to try to have that hope.
Truth is, I don't believe it.
I don't want to be one of "those" women or one of "those" couples who can't have children. I don't want to be someone who is always looked at with pity. I live in a small town. Even though we've tried to keep things relatively quiet, I'm sure people know and are whispering.
I fear this is my fate. I fear that all of the reasons that "could be" for my RPL will, in fact, turn into not real reasons at all and that time after time, it will happen over and over again. I wonder how long it will take to break me.
I suppose that I can be proud that it hasn't yet. Perhaps that's just the Lexa.pro though.
Truth be told, if I actually allow myself to stop and think about it, I'm scared completely shitless of trying again next month. I'm terrified of getting pregnant again and enduring the nightly ice cubes and injections, as SC tries to soothe me, or tell me that my belly is beautiful (seriously, who is he kidding? Not me) and in the end, not ever having a baby to hold in our arms. I believed wholeheartedly that this last loss was going to be our sticky bean. Obviously I was wrong.
I sure hope that in the end, I'm wrong about this.
P.S. I wanted to thank everyone who gave me insight/support in my last post. You gave me much to think about. :) You don't need to say "I'm sorry" or anything. I'm ok.
I have been proud of myself. I force myself to say "when" I get pregnant again, rather than "if". When someone asks me how my surgery went (who knows what's going on with me) and I talk about my injections, I say, "when I get pregnant again I'll give them daily". I force myself to try to have that hope.
Truth is, I don't believe it.
I don't want to be one of "those" women or one of "those" couples who can't have children. I don't want to be someone who is always looked at with pity. I live in a small town. Even though we've tried to keep things relatively quiet, I'm sure people know and are whispering.
I fear this is my fate. I fear that all of the reasons that "could be" for my RPL will, in fact, turn into not real reasons at all and that time after time, it will happen over and over again. I wonder how long it will take to break me.
I suppose that I can be proud that it hasn't yet. Perhaps that's just the Lexa.pro though.
Truth be told, if I actually allow myself to stop and think about it, I'm scared completely shitless of trying again next month. I'm terrified of getting pregnant again and enduring the nightly ice cubes and injections, as SC tries to soothe me, or tell me that my belly is beautiful (seriously, who is he kidding? Not me) and in the end, not ever having a baby to hold in our arms. I believed wholeheartedly that this last loss was going to be our sticky bean. Obviously I was wrong.
I sure hope that in the end, I'm wrong about this.
P.S. I wanted to thank everyone who gave me insight/support in my last post. You gave me much to think about. :) You don't need to say "I'm sorry" or anything. I'm ok.
Monday, January 4, 2010
I'm Not Feeling Anything
This may turn into a long one...just so that you're forewarned.
I'm wondering if the medication I'm taking (Lex.apro) is a really a good idea.
I'm a relatively high-strung, energetic gal. I experience emotions, although I do my best to keep them in my head unless someone really knows me.
Today, I think, is my 2nd EDD. I say "I think" because I got pregnant the very next cycle after our m/c, I wasn't 100% when I oed and an u/s very early on was a bit "behind" where I thought I would be. Irregardless, I would be about to pop right now if I hadn't already.
I forgot. Plain and simple, what day it was.
Then, when I get to school, I see my "friend" L (the one who literally hasn't spoken to me since my 3rd m/c), who is now visibly pregnant. She was two weeks behind where I would be now with loss #3. I saw her belly and thought hmm...I wonder if that's what I would look like now. I then went about my photocopying.
Kelly gets stressed and worked up about things. I am neurotic. Lately though, not so much. Surgery? Sure. No big deal. Our laptop might be dead and we have no money right now to buy a new one? Whatever. These are not characteristics of me.
I talked to SC about it. He said that he thinks that I'm just learning to deal with things better. If I'm ranking them (as twisted as that sounds), #2 was the easiest loss of the three. I replied well hey, you can't tell me that for 34 years I've had a chemical imbalance and now all of a sudden the pills have saved me.
Even now, here I am finishing this that I started during my lunch. Kids are coming in my room and I'm writing as if I'm talking about the weather.
What is wrong with me???
I'm wondering if the medication I'm taking (Lex.apro) is a really a good idea.
I'm a relatively high-strung, energetic gal. I experience emotions, although I do my best to keep them in my head unless someone really knows me.
Today, I think, is my 2nd EDD. I say "I think" because I got pregnant the very next cycle after our m/c, I wasn't 100% when I oed and an u/s very early on was a bit "behind" where I thought I would be. Irregardless, I would be about to pop right now if I hadn't already.
I forgot. Plain and simple, what day it was.
Then, when I get to school, I see my "friend" L (the one who literally hasn't spoken to me since my 3rd m/c), who is now visibly pregnant. She was two weeks behind where I would be now with loss #3. I saw her belly and thought hmm...I wonder if that's what I would look like now. I then went about my photocopying.
Kelly gets stressed and worked up about things. I am neurotic. Lately though, not so much. Surgery? Sure. No big deal. Our laptop might be dead and we have no money right now to buy a new one? Whatever. These are not characteristics of me.
I talked to SC about it. He said that he thinks that I'm just learning to deal with things better. If I'm ranking them (as twisted as that sounds), #2 was the easiest loss of the three. I replied well hey, you can't tell me that for 34 years I've had a chemical imbalance and now all of a sudden the pills have saved me.
Even now, here I am finishing this that I started during my lunch. Kids are coming in my room and I'm writing as if I'm talking about the weather.
What is wrong with me???
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Weekend in Review
I finally got to get out of the house this weekend. The more I did, the more cramping I had, but it's still not bad. All in all, that's good.
Last night we weren't sure what to do. We wanted to get out of the house but had to be careful about my level of activity. Nothing really seemed appealing at the theater either. So, we decided to load up the dogs and take them to the canine spa. It's a great place where Nittany got her start dock diving. Usually though, it's open for a "free swim", as it was last night. Nittany played and played but Lewie, well, he only played in the water when he was placed in the water by SC.
So tonight I went to wash the three towels we used to dry the dogs. The load seemed to be taking a while and I went to check on it. SC asked me how much detergent I used, since the entire washing machine was full of suds. I insisted that I used the regular amount. Too bad that what I didn't realize was that the bottle of doggie shampoo was wrapped in the towels and was therefore washed. OOPS!
My stomach now not only hurts from the injections (it's tender at the spots) and the cramping from the procedure, but hurts from being doubled over in laughter.
Good thing that SC bought a shop vac today! :)
Last night we weren't sure what to do. We wanted to get out of the house but had to be careful about my level of activity. Nothing really seemed appealing at the theater either. So, we decided to load up the dogs and take them to the canine spa. It's a great place where Nittany got her start dock diving. Usually though, it's open for a "free swim", as it was last night. Nittany played and played but Lewie, well, he only played in the water when he was placed in the water by SC.
So tonight I went to wash the three towels we used to dry the dogs. The load seemed to be taking a while and I went to check on it. SC asked me how much detergent I used, since the entire washing machine was full of suds. I insisted that I used the regular amount. Too bad that what I didn't realize was that the bottle of doggie shampoo was wrapped in the towels and was therefore washed. OOPS!
My stomach now not only hurts from the injections (it's tender at the spots) and the cramping from the procedure, but hurts from being doubled over in laughter.
Good thing that SC bought a shop vac today! :)
Friday, January 1, 2010
It's Like Shopping!
I absolutely love to change my blog background. What a freaking dork I am. :) It's like shopping, only free. I hope I'm not driving any of you crazy.
Two days off and then I'm back to work. YUCK. I know that I'm fortunate to have off in the first place, don't get me wrong. I still have two midterm exams to rewrite and countless other things to do for school, yet my bag sits unopened. On the bright side though, only two more days of my injections. Yay! I only have two bruises to show for it. Not too shabby.
I hope that all of you have a good New Year's Eve. SC and I made it until 1am and enjoyed lounging today and watching football.
Two days off and then I'm back to work. YUCK. I know that I'm fortunate to have off in the first place, don't get me wrong. I still have two midterm exams to rewrite and countless other things to do for school, yet my bag sits unopened. On the bright side though, only two more days of my injections. Yay! I only have two bruises to show for it. Not too shabby.
I hope that all of you have a good New Year's Eve. SC and I made it until 1am and enjoyed lounging today and watching football.
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