Thankful

Reading through FB, there are so many who post about something they are thankful every day. Every moment of every day I'm thankful for my little A, who isn't so little anymore. She looks like a kid now...more and more. Pulling her curls back into a ponytail blows my mind.

I'm also thankful that Pop Pop is responding well to his cancer treatment. He had his vertebrae removed in the end of August and is one of the rare patients with his type of cancer who is able to have his kidney removed and also the area to where it spread. The prognosis generally isn't good for his kind of cancer (as in, lucky to be around a year after diagnosis) but the new meds that have come out the last few years have improved that a bit. That and his overall good health are in his favor. His scans set week came back clear, which gives us even more to be thankful for.

I still stop myself every day. There's a part of me that can't grasp the fact that I'm a mom. How did I get to be so lucky?

Pop Pop Has Cancer

I'm an only child and the only thing close to a father that I've ever had is my stepfather, who my ,I'm married 20 years ago. They were high school sweethearts who found each other again. How cute is that?

On the night of June 3rd, after weeks of sudden, immobilizing back pain, Mr SC talked him into going to the ER. I was in the shower when I heard Mr SC running back the hallway, telling me to get out of the shower. My mom was on the phone. Between hysterical sobs, Mr SC was able to make out "large mass" and "spine".  

I went into school, finished up my finals and everything else for the last four days of school, and drove the 1 1/2 hours to my parents' house as we played the waiting game for the countless tests. Wednesday afternoon I was there to hear the words that no one wants to hear...malignant. Turns out he has stage IV kidney cancer, which spread to his vertebrae. Within days his kidney was removed and  in the weeks that followed, we've been spending as much time with him as we can.

It breaks my heart to see Pop Pop with A. He adores her and because of his weakened vertebrae and pain, he can't pick her up or really even play with her.  It breaks my heart that he may not be with us long enough for A to even remember him when he leaves us. 

I'm hoping and praying. 

But here is where I want to blog...

I miss blogging. I miss the friendships and the community. I miss the connections. 

Last year, I started a new blog. New mommy, new blog. Well, it just doesn't feel like me. I had decided to try a different blog because I didn't want to upset anyone who was a follower and who was still TTC, yet it never really felt like the right place. So, I'm going to try here again.

Of course though, now that I, the mother of a two year old (how the hell did that happen?) there's not much else in my head. It's all A, all the time. I'm so thankful and I wouldn't have it any other way. She's a happy, bright, loving little girl who isn't shy about telling you that she isn't finished riding horses, playing at the playground or watching fireworks. These last two years have been the most happy and the most difficult of my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.