"Oversharing" Pregnancy Loss and Adding Insult to Injury

Yep. As cliched as this sounds, I've been injured and now I'm insulted.  Honestly, insulted isn't strong enough of a word.  Disgusted and outraged are more appropriate.

If you haven't already read it, there's an article in Macleans about couples "oversharing" pregnancy losses.

Dear Anne Kingston (author of the article),

I'm writing as the author one of the "myriad of miscarriage blogs" that you refer to.  And guess what?  I'm proud of it.    Clearly you have never experienced a loss yourself or your insensitivity and lack of empathy wouldn't have been so obvious in your article.

My husband and I tried to have a child for three years.  While trying to have a child, we experienced four miscarriages in a one and a half year time period.  We sought several medical opinions and I underwent numerous procedures, yet I continued to miscarry.  We found out that we were pregnant again in November 2010 and I gave birth to a healthy baby girl in July of 2011.

We will never know why.  We will never have answers.  Although we are eternally thankful for our baby girl, the never knowing will always haunt us.

I tried therapy.  I tried medication.  I eventually retreated emotionally and pretty much suffered in silence.  People didn't understand.  Sometimes I felt like my husband didn't understand.  What got me through those three years were the "myriad of miscarriage blogs and stillbirth tribute pages" that you referred to.


Why?  The infertility and loss community is like no other.   Online, I was able to connect with people who understood and who didn't minimize my pain.  Sites like www.facesofloss.org allowed women to attach a story and name to their face and connect with others.   Though blogging, I "met" countless other people who shared my experience and "got it".  I finally, finally felt understood.  Had I experienced that type of understanding in real life, coping with the grief would have been much more bearable.


Those who reach out to others when they are grieving aren't going "from stigma and silence to over-sharing as boundaries are tested and even blurred", as you stated in your article.   They are trying to cope and reach out to others for support.   What could the possible harm be in reaching out to others?  

Because of the stigma attached to miscarriage, here I am at the end of my letter to you and I don't know how to sign it.  There's a large part of me that feels it should be anonymous.  Why?  Why should there be  a stigma associated with miscarriage?  Why should I feel ashamed or embarrassed for suffering such painful losses?  I shouldn't, yet I do.  Why?  Because people like you judge those of us who reach out to others for comfort.

Truth Be Told

Hi, everyone.  I miss you.  The IF/RPL community is like no other.  The connections.  The support.

I've been here countless times, trying to write a post.  Truth is, I feel like some sort of traitor.  I've lost followers. I've tried Twitt.er but it's just not the same.  And, although I have things to blog about, they're often mommy things and it doesn't feel right posting them here.

When I do check my blog roll, I always am so happy to *hear* from you.  I think of so many of you often.  I mean, seriously, when you talk about your uterus and se.x all the time, a certain bond forms, doesn't it?

So, here's what's going on.

1.  I went back to work about two months ago, just shy of A's 6 month birthday.  Mr SC was hurt at work about two weeks after A was born, so he's still home with her, which makes it easier.  I also love my job, which makes it easier.  It still is so incredibly tough.  I pride myself on only two meltdowns.  :)

2.  I wish I had more time.  Time to spend with my daughter.  Time to spend with my dogs.  Time to spend with Mr SC.  I feel like every second of every day I try to jam so much in that I'm having trouble settling down to sleep at night.

3.  I'm still struggling with weight.  I started out pre-pg  much heavier than I would have liked and now, although I'm back to my pre-pg weight, I'm still so, well, soft.  Ick.  When I have a minute to myself though, it's tough to choose exercise, even though I know I should.

A is getting big, big, big!  She navigates the entire living room floor by rolling over and over.  She's been up on  all fours, ready to officially crawl since just before six months, but we're still waiting.  She can sit on her own and eats like a champ!  The last time she was at the doctor she was 18 pounds and 26 inches.

I can't believe that she's seven months old already!

And...here she is!

With Santa !

At the official seven month mark

on Christmas Eve (not the best pic of me but I love this one of her!)