An Ending and a Question

Each day that goes by brings something new these days with our little Nitt.any Lion and, just when we think we have it figured out, it changes.  :)   One thing that hasn't changed is A's sleeping through the night.  She sleeps about eight hours a night!

I headed to the doctor this week for a physical and to talk about cholesterol.  I've had a history of high cholesterol and had been on medication for it since I was 25.  It's genetic and, even when I was working out six days a week and eating no meat and almost no cholesterol, it was still super high.  Anyway, TTC ended the meds three years ago.  Now, I've learned that it's back up there.  No doubt that the gestational diabetes added to it, too.  Mr SC and I talked about it and decided I should go back on meds, now.  This means no more breastfeeding.  I've been breast and bottle-feeding because I never quite produced enough (even with trying a variety of different things) but I'm still pretty upset about it.  I had wanted to continue until she was five months old.  It's important for Baby A to have her mother alive and healthy though, so it's what I have to do.

Something else I've been kicking around is whether or not to make the blog private.  I didn't really want to go private but, for those of you who are interested, I did want to share pics of Baby A.   I decided not to go private for the time being and, for those of you who want to keep up with things, we could be friends on FB.  I know that's a worlds colliding thing and all that, but honestly, there are several of you who I think of often and would love to keep better connected.   You'll have to send me an email though because you can't find me on FB from an email search.

Finally, hubs and I were asked to be interviewed for an article about infertility in a central Pennsylvania parent's magazine.  I really want to do it but I'm hesitant to have my name attached to the article.  I'm a teacher and I'm always fearful of parents and kids knowing too much about my personal life.  I'm wondering though if an interview from someone who wishes to remain anonymous just reinforces the isolation and stigma of IF.  Thoughts?

I Never Thought...

That I'd be the Woman Who:

• would finally figure out what love was all about and what marriage was supposed to be at 33
• would want a child so desperately
• suffered through four miscarriages, with no apparent answers or reasons for any of them
• would be lucky enough to have a beautiful rainbow baby
• loves to live in the country, in a small town without a traffic signal
• stopped following the news religiously
• would develop a love for gardening (although you can't much tell this year)
• would lose friends because I had a baby (and not IRL friends but friends from the IF community)

What Good's Another?

For those of you who've been following my blog for a while, you know that MIL lives next door.  It's not right next door, as there's land between us, but nonetheless, it's still next door.  Up until recently, she's been the best MIL.  Love, love, love her.

Until Baby A was born.

Immediately after A's birth, she did some bizarre stuff that really, really stung.  She decided, the day after A was born, to keep her plans and go to the family camp for the long holiday weekend (4th of July).  Most of the family went, too (fine, fewer visitors at hospital), but MIL was always the one who was going to take care of our dogs after the baby was born while we were in the hospital.  That meant that Mr SC had to drive home in the morning and a night again to take care of the dogs (leaving us at the hospital) until we found a friend who could help.  The hospital was 50 minutes away...so it wasn't easy.  

When she comes over to the house, she just sits and stares at the baby.  Stares.  Doesn't offer to help.  Doesn't bring dinner.  Just stares.  I'm sorry, but we don't have time to sit around and chit chat/visit so you can just stare at the baby.  

The garden we have is supposed to be a collaborative effort.  Weeding, picking, etc. is shared by us.  She's stepped foot in the garden one time this year.  Once.  I've come to learn that many, many newborns must be held almost 24-7 or they cry.  Baby A is getting better (we can put her down when she's sleeping during the day now) but, especially in the beginning, it was tough to deal with the garden (58 tomato plants, green beans, snap peas, peppers) and keep up with it.  She's not interested at all in the garden this year.  It's been tough for Mr SC and I'm not much help because of the baby.

This post has turned into a bitch.y one, and that's not really what I intended.  I just am at a loss here.  She's been so incredibly bizarre and what I've posted is  just a bit of what's going on.  She recently shared that she was so sick with worry during the pregnancy and I'm wondering if that has something to do with it.  

Or, my ultimate fear?  This is her 11th grandchild.  I fear that, to her, Baby A is just a dime a dozen where grandbabies are concerned.  Then, there's my mother, who lives an hour and a half away and would kill for the chance to see her grandchild on a daily basis.  I'm the only child and this is her only grandchild.

Looking back, I'm not sure why I wrote this post.  Perhaps for insight?  To get it off my chest?  I'm not sure.  Anyway, if you've read the post this far, thanks.  :)