Yep, that's right. When this posts, I'll officially be 36 years old.
Thirty five was fan-fucking-tastic.
Forgive me that I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. It's just another reminder of the failure that my last year of life has been.
Mr SC has been having significant stomach problems. The specialist today said he doesn't think it's anything serious or anything that requires surgery, but he's not sure what it is. Mr SC has a colonoscopy scheduled for Monday morning. After his, um, thorough exam today, I came back in the room (before the doctor came back in). I asked him how he was. His response? "I feel so violated."
You know, I should have been sympathetic at this point. I wasn't. I faked it though. I rubbed his back and gave him a kiss and told him I understood.
I wanted to scream! I wanted to scream that I've had more wands shoved up my vagina that I would ever care to even try to count, all while my legs are suspended midair. I've twice been put under so I could have the remnants of what should have been our baby scraped from the inside of me. I then twice had more instruments shoved up there to remove the scarring from said scraping.
And you feel violated?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Reaching Out
Reaching out to others or forging ahead with new relationships can be an infertile's worst nightmare. You fear that subject of conversations and think about how to handle questions. Last spring, I handled one badly.
There is newer secretary in one of the offices at school. Her desk is by itself and right by the photocopy machine that many teachers use. I reacted to a seemingly innocent question that she asked me and it's weighed on me heavily since. We never have gotten beyond artificial chatting since, but today I tried to rectify that. This is a copy of an email that I sent her:
Dear colleague that I was shitty to:
You may or may not remember what I’m going to talk about, but I have and I wanted to talk to you about it. Forgive me that it’s in an email, but it’s just easier for me.
Last year, I was at the copy machine. You were trying to chat with me and asked me if I had kids. My response was, “why?" and you replied that you were just trying to get to know me. I know this came across horribly. I apologize for that. I have felt badly ever since didn't know how to talk about it or fix it.
I wanted to explain my reaction and as bad as it may have made you feel, there was a reason for my response. I was pregnant at the time (when you asked me) but I had just found out I was miscarrying for a second time. After time passed, it got harder and harder for me to explain my reaction to you since I've now had a total of four miscarriages since March ’09.
I know this email is of an extreme personal nature and it’s something people usually don’t talk about, but I’ve felt so badly about how I was to you that I didn’t know how else to apologize other than explaining, fully, my reaction.
I hope that you understand.
Writing this alone felt liberating. After she read it, she replied just how sorry she was and I ended up calling her. We talked a bit and things are better. She said twice that she hopes that we can be friends. I hope so, too.
There is newer secretary in one of the offices at school. Her desk is by itself and right by the photocopy machine that many teachers use. I reacted to a seemingly innocent question that she asked me and it's weighed on me heavily since. We never have gotten beyond artificial chatting since, but today I tried to rectify that. This is a copy of an email that I sent her:
Dear colleague that I was shitty to:
You may or may not remember what I’m going to talk about, but I have and I wanted to talk to you about it. Forgive me that it’s in an email, but it’s just easier for me.
Last year, I was at the copy machine. You were trying to chat with me and asked me if I had kids. My response was, “why?" and you replied that you were just trying to get to know me. I know this came across horribly. I apologize for that. I have felt badly ever since didn't know how to talk about it or fix it.
I wanted to explain my reaction and as bad as it may have made you feel, there was a reason for my response. I was pregnant at the time (when you asked me) but I had just found out I was miscarrying for a second time. After time passed, it got harder and harder for me to explain my reaction to you since I've now had a total of four miscarriages since March ’09.
I know this email is of an extreme personal nature and it’s something people usually don’t talk about, but I’ve felt so badly about how I was to you that I didn’t know how else to apologize other than explaining, fully, my reaction.
I hope that you understand.
Writing this alone felt liberating. After she read it, she replied just how sorry she was and I ended up calling her. We talked a bit and things are better. She said twice that she hopes that we can be friends. I hope so, too.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Left Behind
This post isn't necessarily meant to have a sad tone, but I suppose the subject itself can only be sad. I don't feel sad, but just, well...I don't know how to describe it.
I know so many women who (whether they've suffered from IF or not) have gotten pregnant, carried to term and have healthy children, all since I've started TTC and had my four miscarriages.
There have been first birthday parties and second birthday parties and heck, some are even working on number two.
All while I'm still stuck in this horrible place. Stuck here. No matter how hard we tried, we can't move forward. It just hasn't happened. The thing that makes this the most difficult for me is that we can't get pregnant. I don't mean that we aren't physically able, I mean that becauase of my elevated nk cells, if I get pregnant again, the baby will die. Again.
Mr SC and I used to have an amazing "marital relationship", ahem, if you get what I mean. Now, I avoid it like the plague. I hope it's over as soon as it starts. Why? Because all I think about is how terrified I am about getting pregnant and how I'm having a difficult time enjoying something that has brought so much emotional pain.
So with the tentative "plan" in place for January and the intralipid infusions (to bring down my nk cells) every cycle until we get pregnant again, well, I hope these next few months go by very slowly. Why? If I'm terrified of having sex, I don't know how to turn that switch back on again. We've never felt like things have suffered in that department when TTC. I never really even needed to determine when I was ovulating because we covered the bases on our own anyway.
And now, here I am, feeling stuck and dealing with knowing that there can't be any "oops". We have to go back to avoiding pregnancy at all costs for now.
This is just a really, really shitty place to be. All the while, others are sharing their beautiful baby photos and marveling about how they can't believe how long it's been and how much their babies have grown. All evidence of how much life goes on while I'm just completely stuck here. How pathetic.
I know so many women who (whether they've suffered from IF or not) have gotten pregnant, carried to term and have healthy children, all since I've started TTC and had my four miscarriages.
There have been first birthday parties and second birthday parties and heck, some are even working on number two.
All while I'm still stuck in this horrible place. Stuck here. No matter how hard we tried, we can't move forward. It just hasn't happened. The thing that makes this the most difficult for me is that we can't get pregnant. I don't mean that we aren't physically able, I mean that becauase of my elevated nk cells, if I get pregnant again, the baby will die. Again.
Mr SC and I used to have an amazing "marital relationship", ahem, if you get what I mean. Now, I avoid it like the plague. I hope it's over as soon as it starts. Why? Because all I think about is how terrified I am about getting pregnant and how I'm having a difficult time enjoying something that has brought so much emotional pain.
So with the tentative "plan" in place for January and the intralipid infusions (to bring down my nk cells) every cycle until we get pregnant again, well, I hope these next few months go by very slowly. Why? If I'm terrified of having sex, I don't know how to turn that switch back on again. We've never felt like things have suffered in that department when TTC. I never really even needed to determine when I was ovulating because we covered the bases on our own anyway.
And now, here I am, feeling stuck and dealing with knowing that there can't be any "oops". We have to go back to avoiding pregnancy at all costs for now.
This is just a really, really shitty place to be. All the while, others are sharing their beautiful baby photos and marveling about how they can't believe how long it's been and how much their babies have grown. All evidence of how much life goes on while I'm just completely stuck here. How pathetic.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
The Plan (Sort Of)
I love this time of year. I love when it's starting to get chilly at night and sometimes I can throw on my PSU hoodie. :)
Mr SC and I talked about a plan. Well, I told him how I was feeling and he said, "sounds good". Perhaps he's also forgetting that I said I wanted us to go to therapy before we start trying again but anyway...
We're looking at January to start with the itralipid infusions. For one, it's after the holidays and the anniversary of our first (and second) losses. The first EDD is the worst for me, even though it was the shortest pregnancy. Also, it will be easier financially. We'll be able to have more in our savings account and, well, I'm going to be stressed out enough that I don't want any hint of any potential small financial concern when I'm going to have to shell out so much money each month.
Plus, well, my body is behaving oddly. I spot for several days before my period, AF stays for eight days now and I also spot midcycle for no reason. My new RE told me it could be up to six cycles for a body to return to normal after a m/c but I'm not waiting that long to push for tests. Back in July I had a saline u/s and it didn't show anything, so I'm not thinking it's a cyst. How knows, though.
Mr SC and I talked about a plan. Well, I told him how I was feeling and he said, "sounds good". Perhaps he's also forgetting that I said I wanted us to go to therapy before we start trying again but anyway...
We're looking at January to start with the itralipid infusions. For one, it's after the holidays and the anniversary of our first (and second) losses. The first EDD is the worst for me, even though it was the shortest pregnancy. Also, it will be easier financially. We'll be able to have more in our savings account and, well, I'm going to be stressed out enough that I don't want any hint of any potential small financial concern when I'm going to have to shell out so much money each month.
Plus, well, my body is behaving oddly. I spot for several days before my period, AF stays for eight days now and I also spot midcycle for no reason. My new RE told me it could be up to six cycles for a body to return to normal after a m/c but I'm not waiting that long to push for tests. Back in July I had a saline u/s and it didn't show anything, so I'm not thinking it's a cyst. How knows, though.
Monday, September 13, 2010
All Because of You
Everyone out there who reads my blog and who has commented on my last post and to all of you who have been following and to all of you who blog.
Thank you.
We share pieces of our soul and share intimate details of our life here. Words that I still have difficulty uttering out loud (like uterus) I can type here without hesitiation.
When I reach my lowest points, I turn here. I read blogs and I blog myself. I think of you in my darkest times and your stories and your words are what help me dig deep. I think I can't do it anymore and somehow, I do.
Because I know there are others out there who are fighting the same battle, every day.
There will never be enough words to thank you for your kind comments and your words of support. I will never be able to say what I truly feel when I comment on your blogs. How can words ever convey the spirit that you're able to breathe back in me when I need the wind back in my sails?
Thank you, so much, to all of you.
On a lighter note, I had to share this with all of you. I know, I've been told I'm a mood wrecker but I know there are some women out there who will appreciate this.
So I'm sick. I fairly bad allergies and they always kick in around back to school time. Sometimes, when I'm super lucky, it turns into a pounding of your head, tissue box using in six hours, nose running uncontrolably affair. You know, the kind of nose running that nothing remedies except for a piece of tissue up your nose to stop it.
I text Mr SC to ask if he can stop at the store for me on this way home from work so I can go to bed. The text back? Why? Not, are you ok, not I hope you feel better. Hmph.
So I ask him for full-fledged Pu.ffs, some Vick.s and some OJ. I make a joke about sexy I look and he gives the yeah-I-know-you-look-horrible laugh. I then tell him that after three and a half years, the sympathy is gone for when I'm sick. I'm a big freaking baby when I get sick and he always fusses over me. Today, the shithea* shares the stuff from the store and goes to his friend's house. I then went out a little bit ago to the living room to try to chat a bit and barely got a response. Why? Football's on. Freakin' men!
Thank you.
We share pieces of our soul and share intimate details of our life here. Words that I still have difficulty uttering out loud (like uterus) I can type here without hesitiation.
When I reach my lowest points, I turn here. I read blogs and I blog myself. I think of you in my darkest times and your stories and your words are what help me dig deep. I think I can't do it anymore and somehow, I do.
Because I know there are others out there who are fighting the same battle, every day.
There will never be enough words to thank you for your kind comments and your words of support. I will never be able to say what I truly feel when I comment on your blogs. How can words ever convey the spirit that you're able to breathe back in me when I need the wind back in my sails?
Thank you, so much, to all of you.
On a lighter note, I had to share this with all of you. I know, I've been told I'm a mood wrecker but I know there are some women out there who will appreciate this.
So I'm sick. I fairly bad allergies and they always kick in around back to school time. Sometimes, when I'm super lucky, it turns into a pounding of your head, tissue box using in six hours, nose running uncontrolably affair. You know, the kind of nose running that nothing remedies except for a piece of tissue up your nose to stop it.
I text Mr SC to ask if he can stop at the store for me on this way home from work so I can go to bed. The text back? Why? Not, are you ok, not I hope you feel better. Hmph.
So I ask him for full-fledged Pu.ffs, some Vick.s and some OJ. I make a joke about sexy I look and he gives the yeah-I-know-you-look-horrible laugh. I then tell him that after three and a half years, the sympathy is gone for when I'm sick. I'm a big freaking baby when I get sick and he always fusses over me. Today, the shithea* shares the stuff from the store and goes to his friend's house. I then went out a little bit ago to the living room to try to chat a bit and barely got a response. Why? Football's on. Freakin' men!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
At the End of my Rope
I knew that the calm courtesy of my hot stone massage was short lived.
I've been feeling lots of things but haven't been willing to truly acknowledge them. It's just been too tough. I've blogged before about feeling like I was finished, as in, not wanting to move forward with having a child. Even with my diagnosis. Even with the new "hope" it offers.
My RE warned me I shouldn't wait too long because of my age. I'll be 36 at the end of this month. My numbers are still good, he just cautioned not to wait until that starts changing (which, inevitably will happen at some point). I had said back in the spring that I wanted to wait until at least the fall and I figured that would come mid-October.
I'm nowhere near that point.
I thought I'd be ready. I see all of the lovely signs of fall. Football and hoodies, pumpkins and mums. Then there are the other signs. My pregnancy at this time last year. My EDD from my first loss on 11/25. My SIL's baby's first bday party (she gave birth on the day of my 3rd loss/D&E).
The last couple of weeks when friends have asked how I am, I replied that I feel like a whirling dervish. School has been more challenging than ever and any small slowdown in my dervish whirling causes me to crash. Hard. I start sobbing uncontrollably. I end up not sleeping for nights (even when I take Ambi.en). I'm just not me. Last week, I was so out of it in my head (no medication here, it was just pure me), I forgot basic facts in class. Facts that I've known and been teaching for years. Thank god I'm good at covering.
Will I ever be me again? If I'm not feeling back to being me or even in control of my being, how in the hell am I supposed to jump on this bandwagon again?
Sometimes, I'm just flat out finished with work. The stress. The comments. The "harmless" questions. I wish I didn't have to go. I thought after taking my time off last spring and especially with the summer, I'd be better.
I'm fearful that this new "better" is the best I'm ever going to get. Nothing about trying again sounds appealing to me. Perhaps I really am stronger than I give myself credit for. After all, no one sees my tears except for Mr SC. The bad thing is that he doesn't even ask me what's wrong anymore. We were in the car today on the way home and I couldn't help but let a few tears escape from my eyes. He saw me and just grabbed my hand.
Truth is though? Nothing helps. I want to talk about it and feel better but I don't. I want the pill I take to help me feel better but be longer lasting and not wear off. I want to be able to have my period like a normal woman. The seven plus days it lasts now (fun, fun), with every drop of blood I see I flash back to that day last May when I walked through my front doors and had to rush to the bathroom when I lost my fourth baby.
Every day just feels like such a fight to make it through the day. Frankly, I'm tired of fighting but I don't have the courage to waive the white flag.
I've been feeling lots of things but haven't been willing to truly acknowledge them. It's just been too tough. I've blogged before about feeling like I was finished, as in, not wanting to move forward with having a child. Even with my diagnosis. Even with the new "hope" it offers.
My RE warned me I shouldn't wait too long because of my age. I'll be 36 at the end of this month. My numbers are still good, he just cautioned not to wait until that starts changing (which, inevitably will happen at some point). I had said back in the spring that I wanted to wait until at least the fall and I figured that would come mid-October.
I'm nowhere near that point.
I thought I'd be ready. I see all of the lovely signs of fall. Football and hoodies, pumpkins and mums. Then there are the other signs. My pregnancy at this time last year. My EDD from my first loss on 11/25. My SIL's baby's first bday party (she gave birth on the day of my 3rd loss/D&E).
The last couple of weeks when friends have asked how I am, I replied that I feel like a whirling dervish. School has been more challenging than ever and any small slowdown in my dervish whirling causes me to crash. Hard. I start sobbing uncontrollably. I end up not sleeping for nights (even when I take Ambi.en). I'm just not me. Last week, I was so out of it in my head (no medication here, it was just pure me), I forgot basic facts in class. Facts that I've known and been teaching for years. Thank god I'm good at covering.
Will I ever be me again? If I'm not feeling back to being me or even in control of my being, how in the hell am I supposed to jump on this bandwagon again?
Sometimes, I'm just flat out finished with work. The stress. The comments. The "harmless" questions. I wish I didn't have to go. I thought after taking my time off last spring and especially with the summer, I'd be better.
I'm fearful that this new "better" is the best I'm ever going to get. Nothing about trying again sounds appealing to me. Perhaps I really am stronger than I give myself credit for. After all, no one sees my tears except for Mr SC. The bad thing is that he doesn't even ask me what's wrong anymore. We were in the car today on the way home and I couldn't help but let a few tears escape from my eyes. He saw me and just grabbed my hand.
Truth is though? Nothing helps. I want to talk about it and feel better but I don't. I want the pill I take to help me feel better but be longer lasting and not wear off. I want to be able to have my period like a normal woman. The seven plus days it lasts now (fun, fun), with every drop of blood I see I flash back to that day last May when I walked through my front doors and had to rush to the bathroom when I lost my fourth baby.
Every day just feels like such a fight to make it through the day. Frankly, I'm tired of fighting but I don't have the courage to waive the white flag.
Monday, September 6, 2010
The Kicker
I've been kicking around this post in my head for quite some time. I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is going to translate well in writing. I didn't come up with a stellar title either, yet I'm going to give it a try.
IF and RPL sucks (really, this is what this post is about??). It changes ourselves, it costs entirely too much money, it takes its toll physically and it can irreparably damage relationships.
There's one thing about it though that I think for many of us, makes it all the more difficult. The things that I've mentioned above are more than enough to have to balance. The message that society sends makes it even more unbearable and for many, this could the worst part.
"There's nothing like a grandmother's love."
"We didn't know what love was until we had a baby."
"We didn't know what it meant to be busy until we had a baby."
I hate these messages. They can be overtly stated or they can be subtle, but the messages are still there. To me, this makes it worse. It's like saying that a marriage isn't complete unless there are children. It's like saying a marriage without children is a second class marriage, not complete unless there's a baby. It's the major guilt trip placed on adult children that if they cannot provide a grandchild for their parents, that they are the ultimate failure in life.
Hell, even think about things you said when you're a child:
"Kelly and Jason. Sittin' in the tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes a baby in the baby carriage."
The message? It's not really finished...it's not really complete until you have a child.
I find myself yelling out loud sometimes at these messages (or fighting against them so loudly in my head I'm not sure how anyone doesn't hear me). It's not true, I protest. Couples choose not to have children and it doesn't make them any less of a couple. It doesn't detract for the love they have for one another or their relationship. It doesn't make them a 2nd class couple!
The same is true for couples who suffer from IF or RPL. Lack of a child doesn't make their love any less meaningful or their relationship any less important!
My problem, though? As much as I protest, I think that's my ultimate fear. That Mr SC and I will never be complete without a child. As much as I get upset about it, that's always there, in the back of my head.
IF and RPL sucks (really, this is what this post is about??). It changes ourselves, it costs entirely too much money, it takes its toll physically and it can irreparably damage relationships.
There's one thing about it though that I think for many of us, makes it all the more difficult. The things that I've mentioned above are more than enough to have to balance. The message that society sends makes it even more unbearable and for many, this could the worst part.
"There's nothing like a grandmother's love."
"We didn't know what love was until we had a baby."
"We didn't know what it meant to be busy until we had a baby."
I hate these messages. They can be overtly stated or they can be subtle, but the messages are still there. To me, this makes it worse. It's like saying that a marriage isn't complete unless there are children. It's like saying a marriage without children is a second class marriage, not complete unless there's a baby. It's the major guilt trip placed on adult children that if they cannot provide a grandchild for their parents, that they are the ultimate failure in life.
Hell, even think about things you said when you're a child:
"Kelly and Jason. Sittin' in the tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes a baby in the baby carriage."
The message? It's not really finished...it's not really complete until you have a child.
I find myself yelling out loud sometimes at these messages (or fighting against them so loudly in my head I'm not sure how anyone doesn't hear me). It's not true, I protest. Couples choose not to have children and it doesn't make them any less of a couple. It doesn't detract for the love they have for one another or their relationship. It doesn't make them a 2nd class couple!
The same is true for couples who suffer from IF or RPL. Lack of a child doesn't make their love any less meaningful or their relationship any less important!
My problem, though? As much as I protest, I think that's my ultimate fear. That Mr SC and I will never be complete without a child. As much as I get upset about it, that's always there, in the back of my head.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Feeling a Little Less B*tchy :)
My rant/vent a few days ago made me feel so much better. What was the best though was reading all the comments and knowing how many of you "get it". I felt a little less like a freak. :)
The first week of school is over. I love my job and love teaching. We don't have air conditioning so it was ridiculously hot, but it's over now and although it's going to be warm next week, it will be nothing like this week, which is a good thing.
Today I met my friend and want to the spa in Her.shey. I mentioned where because of the chocolate part. Ahhh...it was fabulous. We had a great time.
I came to a realization which may sound obvious to you, but it wasn't to me.. As mad as I am at it, this body is the only one I have. I haven't been taking very good care of myself at all. I still look ok, but I've gained too much weight and hardly ever exercise and when I'm sad, I eat horrible food. My body never said, f*ck you, Kelly. We're killing your babies. Why have I been treating it like it did all this to me deliberately? I still have my life and I have to make the most of it. If I don't ever have a child, that's no reason to get stuck to the point where I wish I don't wake up in the morning just because it hurts. Ok, to be fair, "hurts" isn't even close to the right word, but still. I'm doing the best I can for my head but physically, well, it's just not enough.
I also talked to Mr SC on the way home today. I have a fabulous treadmill that I haven't been using. I really thought at first it was because there wasn't air conditioning in the room. Mr SC fixed that and put a window unit in for me. He wasn't trying to subtly say hey fattie, get a move on, he was trying to be sweet. Anyway, it's in our office which is a hellish mess. I can't bring myself to clean it out (the mess is my doing). It's supposed to be a nursery and that's why I should be cleaning it out. It felt good to tell him why I'm not in there.
This post isn't about me pledging to train for a triathlon or for me to pledge to clean out that room. It's just a small step for me. I hope it's the first of many steps but even if it isn't, that's ok.
The first week of school is over. I love my job and love teaching. We don't have air conditioning so it was ridiculously hot, but it's over now and although it's going to be warm next week, it will be nothing like this week, which is a good thing.
Today I met my friend and want to the spa in Her.shey. I mentioned where because of the chocolate part. Ahhh...it was fabulous. We had a great time.
I came to a realization which may sound obvious to you, but it wasn't to me.. As mad as I am at it, this body is the only one I have. I haven't been taking very good care of myself at all. I still look ok, but I've gained too much weight and hardly ever exercise and when I'm sad, I eat horrible food. My body never said, f*ck you, Kelly. We're killing your babies. Why have I been treating it like it did all this to me deliberately? I still have my life and I have to make the most of it. If I don't ever have a child, that's no reason to get stuck to the point where I wish I don't wake up in the morning just because it hurts. Ok, to be fair, "hurts" isn't even close to the right word, but still. I'm doing the best I can for my head but physically, well, it's just not enough.
I also talked to Mr SC on the way home today. I have a fabulous treadmill that I haven't been using. I really thought at first it was because there wasn't air conditioning in the room. Mr SC fixed that and put a window unit in for me. He wasn't trying to subtly say hey fattie, get a move on, he was trying to be sweet. Anyway, it's in our office which is a hellish mess. I can't bring myself to clean it out (the mess is my doing). It's supposed to be a nursery and that's why I should be cleaning it out. It felt good to tell him why I'm not in there.
This post isn't about me pledging to train for a triathlon or for me to pledge to clean out that room. It's just a small step for me. I hope it's the first of many steps but even if it isn't, that's ok.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
B*itchfest
I'm so sick and tired of:
- skanky, immoral students getting pregnant. Two girls in the school where I teach, same father. The baby daddy is the biggest stoner on the planet. PLUS, the one baby mama already has a baby taken from her for neglect. From a different baby daddy.
- TV shows involving oops babies and pregnancy storylines
- commercials involved babies and "the proudest moments"
- freaking picture frames like, "Nothing like a Grandma's Love"
- Paternity tests. Are you KIDDING ME that you would sleep with enough men in that time frame that you don't know who the father is? I have always valued my lady parts and who sees them, thank you very much!
- IF weight gain. 'Nuf said.
- the heat in my classroom that doesn't have air conditioning
- "perfect" women on FB, with perfect 1st birthday parties and the most perfect, gorgeous children EVER
- stupid comments from pregnant women. One of my colleagues is pregnant with her third. She has two boys and just found out she is having a girl. She says, "yep, DH can make little girls!" Wow, what do I do? Kill my babies? Well actually, yes I do.
- Feeling this way
- Not having any motivation or desire to cook at all in this heat
- Mr SC not knowing how to do ANYTHING on the computer. I teach kids all day. I don't want to come home and teach you how to do something simple that you should be able to do yourself!
Hmmmm....perhaps this is all a good sign that AF is on her way? I'm really not a mean person but boy do I feel like one today!
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