I am so over all of the commercials for the new show Parenthoo.d. Done. I'm also not looking forward to a week's worth of commercials about the one hour "baby event" on The Offic.e.
Perhaps this is my sign to watch less tv, which will be easier to do when the Olympi.cs are over. I often have the TV on the in background with them on for background noise.
I have a TV show idea. A twist on Moder.n Fam.ily. I love that show, but why do all of the couples have to have children in them at some point? No infertiles or people who chose to live childfree on the AB.C staff? No clever title yet, but it's about three couples who all are living, just as couples. Hmm...one could chose to live childfree because they just want to, another could be dealing with IF and the other could be a gay couple that wants to have a child.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Random Thoughts
Today is snow day # 2. School was closed yesterday, which was silly, really. Today it's crazy outside. The wind is howling and the snow is coming down sideways.
What am I doing with myself?
1. AF is in town and is being horrible. My RE warned me though, so it's ok. I'm enjoying the time being off in sweats. I'm always worried when I'm teaching that I'll have some sort of accident. No worries while at home!
2. My poor dogs are bored and keep looking out the window for Mr SC. He's a wrestling coach and there are two kids on the team (I teach them also) who have made it to the 2nd round of the postseason. So, he's about an hour away (they stayed overnight) and today is the first round. He told me he thought I should stay put because of the weather. Boo. Semis and Finals are tomorrow and I'll drive down for that. My nephew wrestles also and I want to see him. I'm not a fan of wrestling myself. I don't get it at all. I want to be supportive though.
3. Monday-Wednesday this week I was at a technology conference. WOW. It was amazing! So, much of my time yesterday and today I've been spending going through what I've learned and putting together a workshop for other teachers in my district. I'm so excited to share things with my students also. In case you haven't realized, the conference and the snow days mean I haven't been in school all week!
4. I'm finding a summer institute to go to over my break. I always try to do a week of professional development and I finally get to start an AP U.S. Gover.nment program in my high school (it's why they hired me three years ago) so I'm attending a refresher this summer, since it's been several years since I've taught it.
So that's my excitement. I'm not focusing on what CD it is on what's coming up. Just enjoying relaxing after a crazy week and trying to get things ready for school.
Anyone have any plans for the weekend?
What am I doing with myself?
1. AF is in town and is being horrible. My RE warned me though, so it's ok. I'm enjoying the time being off in sweats. I'm always worried when I'm teaching that I'll have some sort of accident. No worries while at home!
2. My poor dogs are bored and keep looking out the window for Mr SC. He's a wrestling coach and there are two kids on the team (I teach them also) who have made it to the 2nd round of the postseason. So, he's about an hour away (they stayed overnight) and today is the first round. He told me he thought I should stay put because of the weather. Boo. Semis and Finals are tomorrow and I'll drive down for that. My nephew wrestles also and I want to see him. I'm not a fan of wrestling myself. I don't get it at all. I want to be supportive though.
3. Monday-Wednesday this week I was at a technology conference. WOW. It was amazing! So, much of my time yesterday and today I've been spending going through what I've learned and putting together a workshop for other teachers in my district. I'm so excited to share things with my students also. In case you haven't realized, the conference and the snow days mean I haven't been in school all week!
4. I'm finding a summer institute to go to over my break. I always try to do a week of professional development and I finally get to start an AP U.S. Gover.nment program in my high school (it's why they hired me three years ago) so I'm attending a refresher this summer, since it's been several years since I've taught it.
So that's my excitement. I'm not focusing on what CD it is on what's coming up. Just enjoying relaxing after a crazy week and trying to get things ready for school.
Anyone have any plans for the weekend?
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Being a Woman
I'm wondering what this means, how it's changed over time and what it means for those of us who are struggling with IF.
At one point, the very essence of being a woman revolved around bearing children. It was an expectation to do so. Many people have and even still believe the sole point of being married is to have children. Has this societal expectation really faded?
For those of us who are struggling to get (and stay) pregnant, does this compound the pain?
I hate that there is a stigma attached to women who either cannot have children or choose to not have children. It's one of those *gasp* type things that I don't get. Why can't people just be less judgemental and accepting of others?
I'm just glad that I'm a woman now instead of then. Seriously...married and 35 without children? It's like I'd be some sort of disgrace to uteruses everywhere.
At one point, the very essence of being a woman revolved around bearing children. It was an expectation to do so. Many people have and even still believe the sole point of being married is to have children. Has this societal expectation really faded?
For those of us who are struggling to get (and stay) pregnant, does this compound the pain?
I hate that there is a stigma attached to women who either cannot have children or choose to not have children. It's one of those *gasp* type things that I don't get. Why can't people just be less judgemental and accepting of others?
I'm just glad that I'm a woman now instead of then. Seriously...married and 35 without children? It's like I'd be some sort of disgrace to uteruses everywhere.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Let the Games Begin!
After a four plus long break, which began on October 14
After three losses in seven months
After two hysteroscopies, a bag, a balloon and a tail
After the Tinacti.n nightmare
After the seemingly endless tears
AF must have read my letter and felt badly, because she's finally here.
That's it my bloggy friends. I'm back in the game and scared shitless.
After three losses in seven months
After two hysteroscopies, a bag, a balloon and a tail
After the Tinacti.n nightmare
After the seemingly endless tears
AF must have read my letter and felt badly, because she's finally here.
That's it my bloggy friends. I'm back in the game and scared shitless.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Welcome, ICLW and a HUGE Thanks!
Welcome, hola, greetings and saluations, bonjour to all of you stopping by from ICLW! I apologize for being a day late. :) I've been involved with ICLW for about three months and love to have the opportunity to find new blogs to follow. I hope that all of you find your happy endings through this IF adventure.
And, thank you. Thanks to all of you who just "get it", whether you already follow my blog or whether you just stopped by. This morning started out horribly (I talked about the speaker in my earlier post) and, although I was looking forward to dinner with my friends, I postponed to tomorrow. I ended up getting sick (nerves? food? I don't know) and was too overwhelmed with the fear of questions from strangers (similar to the "children" question this morning)
Anyway, it was helpful to see my friend. If I'm honest though, I couldn't wait until I could blog about it. Why? Because I knew that here, I would have people who would just understand. Imagine the irony in that. Some of the people who understand me the best are ones that I've never even met.
So thank you. You were there for me when I needed you. I hope I am able to return the favor someday.
And, thank you. Thanks to all of you who just "get it", whether you already follow my blog or whether you just stopped by. This morning started out horribly (I talked about the speaker in my earlier post) and, although I was looking forward to dinner with my friends, I postponed to tomorrow. I ended up getting sick (nerves? food? I don't know) and was too overwhelmed with the fear of questions from strangers (similar to the "children" question this morning)
Anyway, it was helpful to see my friend. If I'm honest though, I couldn't wait until I could blog about it. Why? Because I knew that here, I would have people who would just understand. Imagine the irony in that. Some of the people who understand me the best are ones that I've never even met.
So thank you. You were there for me when I needed you. I hope I am able to return the favor someday.
The Rain Clouds Parted and I Could Actually See Sun!
So I'm at a huge technology conference today and tomorrow. This morning there was a keynote speaker that started at 8. It was a packed room, with people sitting on the floor because of how packed it was. He was great and funny and had a wonderful British accent.
And then he asked...
How many of you have children?
Hello, ass. We are ALL TEACHERS. You didn't need to ask us that to illustrate your point.
As I looked around the room at almost everyone's hand being raised but mine, I wish the floor would have opened and just swallowed me. I wanted to die. I got up and left.
After about 20 minutes, I composed myself enough to go back in. I sat down and two minutes later I get a text. It was one of my best friends asking if I was at this conference. I really haven't talked to her much since October. It's just been too hard. But, honestly, I haven't really talked to anyone.
Well, turns out she is here too! I gathered up my stuff and left the room, again. She was there waiting for me in the hall. It was so good to hug her. We just cried. We ended up skipping our second session and talking. I got to tell her all about my uterine problems, the balloon and the tail. She asked me the question, "how long are you going to do this?" I'll talk about that another day. Mostly though, she tried to just listen and understand and not cry. It was tough.
Last night I made the decision to stay overnight here, because the weather is iffy and I live 50 minutes away. My friend, and two other women from my old school district (two hours away) are staying here too. So, we all have dinner plans later. SOOO just what I needed!
And then he asked...
How many of you have children?
Hello, ass. We are ALL TEACHERS. You didn't need to ask us that to illustrate your point.
As I looked around the room at almost everyone's hand being raised but mine, I wish the floor would have opened and just swallowed me. I wanted to die. I got up and left.
After about 20 minutes, I composed myself enough to go back in. I sat down and two minutes later I get a text. It was one of my best friends asking if I was at this conference. I really haven't talked to her much since October. It's just been too hard. But, honestly, I haven't really talked to anyone.
Well, turns out she is here too! I gathered up my stuff and left the room, again. She was there waiting for me in the hall. It was so good to hug her. We just cried. We ended up skipping our second session and talking. I got to tell her all about my uterine problems, the balloon and the tail. She asked me the question, "how long are you going to do this?" I'll talk about that another day. Mostly though, she tried to just listen and understand and not cry. It was tough.
Last night I made the decision to stay overnight here, because the weather is iffy and I live 50 minutes away. My friend, and two other women from my old school district (two hours away) are staying here too. So, we all have dinner plans later. SOOO just what I needed!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Dear AF,
I'm going to skip the pleasantries. No "how are you" or nice introduction, acting like I care. I don't.
Generally, I'm not a rude person. I don't want to hurt other's feelings. With you though, it's different. Remember that letter I sent you last month? Yeah, this isn't quite as colorful (I'm not linking it for anyone who's new from ICLW because of the extreme profanity) but I can, in fact, articulate my feelings without using expletive. Geez. Have a bit more faith in me.
Can you please show already? I've been excited from three days to see that I'm spotting. It's enough to, um, put off Mr SC's advances. See, AF? Now you're denying me a piece of action. So. not. cool.
This break that started 10/14 has to end already! Don't you have a heart? You are my least favorite family member, AF, if I'm being honest. (I don't like my neice "bloating" and nephew "cramps" if I'm being honest though either) However, it would make me like you a little bit more if you didnt' keep cancelling visits on me! I keep thinking I see you drive up the driveway, so I scramble to do the dishes and put on a bra. C'mon already! Have a heart.
Much hate,
Kelly
Generally, I'm not a rude person. I don't want to hurt other's feelings. With you though, it's different. Remember that letter I sent you last month? Yeah, this isn't quite as colorful (I'm not linking it for anyone who's new from ICLW because of the extreme profanity) but I can, in fact, articulate my feelings without using expletive. Geez. Have a bit more faith in me.
Can you please show already? I've been excited from three days to see that I'm spotting. It's enough to, um, put off Mr SC's advances. See, AF? Now you're denying me a piece of action. So. not. cool.
This break that started 10/14 has to end already! Don't you have a heart? You are my least favorite family member, AF, if I'm being honest. (I don't like my neice "bloating" and nephew "cramps" if I'm being honest though either) However, it would make me like you a little bit more if you didnt' keep cancelling visits on me! I keep thinking I see you drive up the driveway, so I scramble to do the dishes and put on a bra. C'mon already! Have a heart.
Much hate,
Kelly
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Prover.a, Anyone?
I know there's Dr. Googl.e (don't want to freak myself out) or message boards (like it here, better) but I thought I'd see if any of you could offer your experiences with good ol' Prover.a
I've never had to take it before and had to this cycle because I was taking estrogen and didn't ovulate (RE wanted it that way). So, here I am. My RE told me to except "one whopper of a period", since my lining would have been so incredibly thick (to prevent that darn scar tissue from coming back).
I'm spotting today a bit which freaks me out (I'll blog about that some other time) but really, I don't have any AF symptoms like I usually do. Are the cramps, etc the same? Was AF around for an extended stay after Prover.a? Anything else to share?
Thanks, gals! I appreciate it.
I've never had to take it before and had to this cycle because I was taking estrogen and didn't ovulate (RE wanted it that way). So, here I am. My RE told me to except "one whopper of a period", since my lining would have been so incredibly thick (to prevent that darn scar tissue from coming back).
I'm spotting today a bit which freaks me out (I'll blog about that some other time) but really, I don't have any AF symptoms like I usually do. Are the cramps, etc the same? Was AF around for an extended stay after Prover.a? Anything else to share?
Thanks, gals! I appreciate it.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
On the lighter side
My last few posts have been about things that upset me. I thought I should take the time to blog about a few things that are less serious. Silly things. So, here are some of the many things that make me smile.
Flowers. I love to plant flowers in my garden and watch them bloom. While I was away for nine days last year, I had Mr SC take pictures of my flowers every other day so I could see how they grew. Yep. Crazy flower lady. Anyway, my favorite flower is the hibiscus. I think they are absolutely gorgeous. I wish I lived somwhere warmer where I could have them all year long!
And now, onto my unhealthy obsession with chocolate!
Flowers. I love to plant flowers in my garden and watch them bloom. While I was away for nine days last year, I had Mr SC take pictures of my flowers every other day so I could see how they grew. Yep. Crazy flower lady. Anyway, my favorite flower is the hibiscus. I think they are absolutely gorgeous. I wish I lived somwhere warmer where I could have them all year long!
And now, onto my unhealthy obsession with chocolate!
It's that time of year!
This stuff looks and smells sooo good I actually tasted it. Yep, that's right. Stuck out my tongue in the shower and licked my hand. Imagine my horror when I started to gag!
Best. candle. ever.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Another Lovely Part of My Day
Back in October, I blogged about a "friend" that I thought I was losing. This was the same friend who wanted me there in a godparent role when her child was baptised. This was also the same friend who offered to be a surrogate if we needed one.
Some friend.
Still, as of today, she has not talked to me. We barely even exchange hellos in the hall. Last month, I thought ok, maybe she thinks I'm being cold or I'm mad at her. I wanted to be the bigger person (even though I didn't think I did anything wrong) so on January 12th, I sent her this email:
I'm wondering if there is some reason why you haven't spoken to me since October? I'm so hurt that someone who I thought was my friend can't even talk to me after all that I have gone through. Every time I see you, it brings the pain and hurt back to me all over again.
Her response? Nothing. No email. No words. NOTHING.
She is now in my classroom. Our homerooms are "partners" and sometimes we combine. She's here with her visibly pregnant belly.
FML
Some friend.
Still, as of today, she has not talked to me. We barely even exchange hellos in the hall. Last month, I thought ok, maybe she thinks I'm being cold or I'm mad at her. I wanted to be the bigger person (even though I didn't think I did anything wrong) so on January 12th, I sent her this email:
I'm wondering if there is some reason why you haven't spoken to me since October? I'm so hurt that someone who I thought was my friend can't even talk to me after all that I have gone through. Every time I see you, it brings the pain and hurt back to me all over again.
Her response? Nothing. No email. No words. NOTHING.
She is now in my classroom. Our homerooms are "partners" and sometimes we combine. She's here with her visibly pregnant belly.
FML
I Have No Sympathy
Generally speaking, I consider myself to be a compassionate person and teacher. However, today is going to present a whole new set of challenges for me.
I've been off of school since last Tuesday, partially because of the weather, a scheduled "school closed" day on Friday and conferences yesterday (I was out because I had a stomach bug). I was in such a great frame of mind. I got to spend time with Mr SC, meet a great friend, etc. Aside from yesterday when I was sick, all was great.
Today though, one of the three baby mamas that I have in class, together, returns from giving birth. One gave birth last year (which I blogged about in my breakdown post), one is still out and one returns today.
She's in the hallway, crying, because she had to leave her newborn behind. Call me callous, but I don't want to deal with this.
You can call me selfish and say all of the oh-my-gosh-imagine-leaving-your-baby. Nope, can't imagine it. Don't get pregnant in high school. Don't expect me to understand how she can give birth and I can have three miscarriages in seven months.
What a wonderful day in the neighborhood.
I've been off of school since last Tuesday, partially because of the weather, a scheduled "school closed" day on Friday and conferences yesterday (I was out because I had a stomach bug). I was in such a great frame of mind. I got to spend time with Mr SC, meet a great friend, etc. Aside from yesterday when I was sick, all was great.
Today though, one of the three baby mamas that I have in class, together, returns from giving birth. One gave birth last year (which I blogged about in my breakdown post), one is still out and one returns today.
She's in the hallway, crying, because she had to leave her newborn behind. Call me callous, but I don't want to deal with this.
You can call me selfish and say all of the oh-my-gosh-imagine-leaving-your-baby. Nope, can't imagine it. Don't get pregnant in high school. Don't expect me to understand how she can give birth and I can have three miscarriages in seven months.
What a wonderful day in the neighborhood.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Aw, Shucks!
I've been giving a blog award from Mai at Salvageable. Thanks, Mai! Stop by and check out her blog if you haven't already.
So, here are the "rules":
1. Copy and paste the award.
2. Link to the person who sent it to you.
3. List 10 things that make you happy.
4. Nominate other bloggers and stop by their blogs to let them know.
Here are my ten things:
1. Mr SC's eyes. They're an amazing blue
2. My pooches, Lewie and Nittany
3. Coffee in the morning
4. Chocolate
5. Trying new things
6. Antiquing
7. Cooking
8. Travel
9. Yummy smelling candles
10. Being married
My nominees are:
Katie (from IF to when)
Rita (My Stories)
Marla (Marla'z Austin Journey)
Jin (The Truth is Out There)
Note: I have tried to write this with proper spacing but it's not showing up! GRR!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Anxiety
Ah yes. My dear, sweet friend, Anxiety. I wish I knew how to officially break up with you, once and for all. It's not like we're good for each other. We are not. You give me headaches and make me sick to my stomach (literally). So, why do you keep coming back? It's not as if we have good breakup sex or anything.
I've pinpointed it a bit. It gets the best of me when I have time to myself. To think. To reminisce of our good times. It's about time that I realize that you're no good for me and officially kick you to the curb. Most of the time, I'm with Mr SC. However, when I'm alone, alone (in the car, sitting at Barne.s & Noble today, which is was sooo looking forward to) it gives my mind time to wander. Interesting though that to most, I'm a fairly put together person. Only people who really know me know that I deal with anxiety. What am I anxious about?
Let's see...
1. Social situations. I'm not very outgoing. I may seem bubbly and witty to you, my bloggy friends, but to most people, I'm shy. It's only when people get to know me do they see the true me. Odd that I'm a teacher and am shy, but hey, that's me. So, I'm nervous about tonight. The wife of Mr SC's friend is coming over (with her hubby and a few other people) for suds, sledding and snow. Suds being beer...I was trying to be clever and use alliteration there. Anyway, I met her last night and it was fine. However, the whole time I felt like she just wanted to talk to me. To say hey, I can't believe someone else IRL gets it. I'm just not ready for that. I've become quite used to the last four months of living in oblivion.
2. My weight. God, I hate it. I was only this heavy one other time in my life. I lost the weight, but it was so incredibly difficult to do so. I guess over the last year, if weight gain is the worst thing, that I've dealt with things fairly well. But, anyway. I had an eating disorder in college and I'm scared. I'm scared to go there again. I'm scared to try to lose weight and have it be next to impossible to do. I'm scared to fail and it and to have my body fail me, again. You skinny folk, perhaps you're thinking, DUH! Eat less. Work out. I get that. I have hypothyroidism though and when I lost weight before, I literally had to consume 1000 calories a day or under and burn off nearly all of them to have the scale budge.
3. TTC. Yep, here it is. I'm taking Prove.ra for seven more days. Seven more days of living in oblivion. Then, it's back. I'm already stuck. As a teacher, I always do "something" over the summer, professionally. I look for conferences, etc. Last summer, for example, I was an AP exam reader (it was my 4th year doing so) and I went to Pittsburgh for a week through a program. I've found several this year that I'd like to apply for. Why don't I? I keep thinking...what if I'm pregnant? What if I'm pregnant and gone and start spotting? What do I do? The last two times that happened, I called my doc and was in for an u/s within hours. If I'm gone, I won't have that.
So there it is. I feel badly even posting this. Wah, wah, Kelly's having a pity party again, where people will tell me that they're sorry and how strong I am. I'm not strong. I'm incredibly weak. If I were strong, I'd be able to send Anxiety packing, once and for all.
I've pinpointed it a bit. It gets the best of me when I have time to myself. To think. To reminisce of our good times. It's about time that I realize that you're no good for me and officially kick you to the curb. Most of the time, I'm with Mr SC. However, when I'm alone, alone (in the car, sitting at Barne.s & Noble today, which is was sooo looking forward to) it gives my mind time to wander. Interesting though that to most, I'm a fairly put together person. Only people who really know me know that I deal with anxiety. What am I anxious about?
Let's see...
1. Social situations. I'm not very outgoing. I may seem bubbly and witty to you, my bloggy friends, but to most people, I'm shy. It's only when people get to know me do they see the true me. Odd that I'm a teacher and am shy, but hey, that's me. So, I'm nervous about tonight. The wife of Mr SC's friend is coming over (with her hubby and a few other people) for suds, sledding and snow. Suds being beer...I was trying to be clever and use alliteration there. Anyway, I met her last night and it was fine. However, the whole time I felt like she just wanted to talk to me. To say hey, I can't believe someone else IRL gets it. I'm just not ready for that. I've become quite used to the last four months of living in oblivion.
2. My weight. God, I hate it. I was only this heavy one other time in my life. I lost the weight, but it was so incredibly difficult to do so. I guess over the last year, if weight gain is the worst thing, that I've dealt with things fairly well. But, anyway. I had an eating disorder in college and I'm scared. I'm scared to go there again. I'm scared to try to lose weight and have it be next to impossible to do. I'm scared to fail and it and to have my body fail me, again. You skinny folk, perhaps you're thinking, DUH! Eat less. Work out. I get that. I have hypothyroidism though and when I lost weight before, I literally had to consume 1000 calories a day or under and burn off nearly all of them to have the scale budge.
3. TTC. Yep, here it is. I'm taking Prove.ra for seven more days. Seven more days of living in oblivion. Then, it's back. I'm already stuck. As a teacher, I always do "something" over the summer, professionally. I look for conferences, etc. Last summer, for example, I was an AP exam reader (it was my 4th year doing so) and I went to Pittsburgh for a week through a program. I've found several this year that I'd like to apply for. Why don't I? I keep thinking...what if I'm pregnant? What if I'm pregnant and gone and start spotting? What do I do? The last two times that happened, I called my doc and was in for an u/s within hours. If I'm gone, I won't have that.
So there it is. I feel badly even posting this. Wah, wah, Kelly's having a pity party again, where people will tell me that they're sorry and how strong I am. I'm not strong. I'm incredibly weak. If I were strong, I'd be able to send Anxiety packing, once and for all.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
No Clever Title Here!
So I'm in the midst of the snow mess here in good ol' PA. I'll have to take more pictures today of the pooches. Perhaps I'll even get to go sledding!
So here's what's up:
1. I'm in the middle of day 2 of my spring break. We didn't have school Wednesday or Thursday (and already scheduled Friday off for a snow makeup day, which the district isn't using and Monday are conferences) so yeah. I'm very, very thankful that I have a job that I don't have to drive in bad weather. For some reason though, I always have on the news watching the road reports and worrying about other people driving safely. I'm a nut like that.
2. DH is sick. We had these great plans to play Ban.d Hero yesterday until he started puking his guts out. I made a great dinner that he couldn't eat. :(
3. DH has a job. Finally. He's been out of work since 11/08. That's when he had his first shoulder surgery (he injured it at work). He was finally released to go back to work in July '09, only to get laid off three weeks later. It's a pay cut but it's first shift (his other job was 2nd) and he starts Monday. I'm so happy for him. And, I'm thankful for us for a steady second paycheck.
4. I finished my book on my ereader that I just got. After hours of research, I got a noo.k. I LOVE it.
5. I haven't been sleeping. I fall asleep fine but wake up six times a night. Ugh. I called my RE to talk to her. It's been worse since I've been taking the Estradi.ol and I was wondering if I could have a prescription to help? She called back and said to start to Prover.a now to bring on AF. Less time on the Estrad.iol since all looked good. She joked that she was stuck at the hospital because of the snow and that I could come in and help with surgery...I've been through enough and know the lady parts and the not sleeping would come in handy.
6. One of Mr SC's friend's wife (not sure if that's grammatically correct, it's 5:30am-give me a break) has had three miscarriages also. She wants to meet me. I avoid her like the plague. It's different blogging. To meet someone in real life? Well, all that emotion is more controlled in a blog. Anyway, she told Mr SC yesterday that two of her friends had been TTC for years and couldn't...IVF, etc. They drank whole milk (unpasteurized, but "certified") and got pregnant in a month. Like, straight from the cow to the glass. I had read about whole milk and ovulation, but I don't think that was an issue with these women. Have any of you ever heard this?
And that brings me to my "oh shit" revelation. AF should start in around ten days. That's about a week earlier than initially thought. That means we're back on the TTC bandwagon sooner. Oh shit. I can't even think about it. See, I'm thinking about it (since I'm typing about it) and my stomach is in knots. That's another post itself.
I hope that everyone, wherever you are, is safe and warm. I am, but only since I'm inside!
So here's what's up:
1. I'm in the middle of day 2 of my spring break. We didn't have school Wednesday or Thursday (and already scheduled Friday off for a snow makeup day, which the district isn't using and Monday are conferences) so yeah. I'm very, very thankful that I have a job that I don't have to drive in bad weather. For some reason though, I always have on the news watching the road reports and worrying about other people driving safely. I'm a nut like that.
2. DH is sick. We had these great plans to play Ban.d Hero yesterday until he started puking his guts out. I made a great dinner that he couldn't eat. :(
3. DH has a job. Finally. He's been out of work since 11/08. That's when he had his first shoulder surgery (he injured it at work). He was finally released to go back to work in July '09, only to get laid off three weeks later. It's a pay cut but it's first shift (his other job was 2nd) and he starts Monday. I'm so happy for him. And, I'm thankful for us for a steady second paycheck.
4. I finished my book on my ereader that I just got. After hours of research, I got a noo.k. I LOVE it.
5. I haven't been sleeping. I fall asleep fine but wake up six times a night. Ugh. I called my RE to talk to her. It's been worse since I've been taking the Estradi.ol and I was wondering if I could have a prescription to help? She called back and said to start to Prover.a now to bring on AF. Less time on the Estrad.iol since all looked good. She joked that she was stuck at the hospital because of the snow and that I could come in and help with surgery...I've been through enough and know the lady parts and the not sleeping would come in handy.
6. One of Mr SC's friend's wife (not sure if that's grammatically correct, it's 5:30am-give me a break) has had three miscarriages also. She wants to meet me. I avoid her like the plague. It's different blogging. To meet someone in real life? Well, all that emotion is more controlled in a blog. Anyway, she told Mr SC yesterday that two of her friends had been TTC for years and couldn't...IVF, etc. They drank whole milk (unpasteurized, but "certified") and got pregnant in a month. Like, straight from the cow to the glass. I had read about whole milk and ovulation, but I don't think that was an issue with these women. Have any of you ever heard this?
And that brings me to my "oh shit" revelation. AF should start in around ten days. That's about a week earlier than initially thought. That means we're back on the TTC bandwagon sooner. Oh shit. I can't even think about it. See, I'm thinking about it (since I'm typing about it) and my stomach is in knots. That's another post itself.
I hope that everyone, wherever you are, is safe and warm. I am, but only since I'm inside!
Monday, February 8, 2010
The Superbowl, with a kick to the stomach on the side...
I'm a huge football fan. The time of the year between the Superbowl and spring is the absolute worst for me. Stuck in the house during those frigid winter months and no football? YUCK.
The Superbowl to me is the ultimate. I love all the hoopla. I love the game and I would have loved it even more if my Colts won (if they had to lose though, they couldn't have lost to a better team...the Saints are awesome), but anyway. I love the commercials, too. I admire the marketing and creative genius that goes into creating them.
Well, I loved the commercials until around the 3rd quarter last night. I felt like I got kicked in the stomach. I literally then thought about all of my bloggy friends, wondered how many of you watched and wondered how many of you felt exactly the same way.
It was that Goo.gle commercial. At first, I loved it. I thought it was a great way to show the standard, reliable search engine's merits, in response to Bin.g's commercials. I was also drawn into the whole progression from "study abroad in Par.is" to "tu es tres migno.n" and then the whole "churches in Par.is". How sweet.
For any of us who watched it, I don't even have to type the last line. Seriously, I thought it was over with the church search. And there it was... "how to ass.emble a crib".
Are you fucking kidding me? Sorry for the profanity, but it's warranted here. It took all I had to not start sobbing. As if the only way to a happy ending is with a BABY? What about people who choose to live child free? What about people who can't have children? That's their answer for a happy ending?* My relationship is no less valuable than another's because I don't have children!
From now on, I'll be using Bin.g. Screw Googl.e and their messages.
*Disclaimer: I get that a point could be made that marriage doesn't necessarily define a happy ending either. I see that point. The baby thing though was a low blow. For those of us suffering with IF, it's a medical issue.
The Superbowl to me is the ultimate. I love all the hoopla. I love the game and I would have loved it even more if my Colts won (if they had to lose though, they couldn't have lost to a better team...the Saints are awesome), but anyway. I love the commercials, too. I admire the marketing and creative genius that goes into creating them.
Well, I loved the commercials until around the 3rd quarter last night. I felt like I got kicked in the stomach. I literally then thought about all of my bloggy friends, wondered how many of you watched and wondered how many of you felt exactly the same way.
It was that Goo.gle commercial. At first, I loved it. I thought it was a great way to show the standard, reliable search engine's merits, in response to Bin.g's commercials. I was also drawn into the whole progression from "study abroad in Par.is" to "tu es tres migno.n" and then the whole "churches in Par.is". How sweet.
For any of us who watched it, I don't even have to type the last line. Seriously, I thought it was over with the church search. And there it was... "how to ass.emble a crib".
Are you fucking kidding me? Sorry for the profanity, but it's warranted here. It took all I had to not start sobbing. As if the only way to a happy ending is with a BABY? What about people who choose to live child free? What about people who can't have children? That's their answer for a happy ending?* My relationship is no less valuable than another's because I don't have children!
From now on, I'll be using Bin.g. Screw Googl.e and their messages.
*Disclaimer: I get that a point could be made that marriage doesn't necessarily define a happy ending either. I see that point. The baby thing though was a low blow. For those of us suffering with IF, it's a medical issue.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Let it Snow!
I jumped on the picture bandwagon on FB and I should do it here also, I suppose! :)
Mai dubbed this the "Snowpacolypse", which I thought was pretty clever. We got about 14 inches, which is far less than other locales, but I thought I'd share some pics anyway. I enjoyed time outside with my pooches and sledding but now I'm enjoying the warm indoors!
Hope that everyone has a great weekend!
Lewie is the black lab mix and Nittany is the yellow lab.
Playing in the yard. Thursday, February 4, 2010
Breakdown
And I was doing so well...
A little background. I have a class of seniors now (it's a semester class, so I've only had them for about a week and a half) and THREE of the girls are moms. Two of these moms are actually at home now because they just gave birth a few weeks ago. That leaves one right now in my class. She's a nice girl. You may be thinking, how nice can she be? She had a child at 17? Well honestly, how many of us were having sex at 17? I sure as hell was a bit more responsible about it but anyway, I digress.
It started off innocently enough. Another colleague/friend was in the room with me for that class to help me launch a project. The mom came up to me before class started and asked if she could go out to her car. Why? Because she forgot her breast pump. I told her to check in with the office, but sure.
I then turned to my friend and said...how am I supposed to do this every day? I have three girls in here who are moms and I can't have a baby. I lost it.
I went down to talk to my principal to ask to go home and just sobbed. I am just so mad at myself. I try so hard everyday but being a teacher makes it tough. I'm in front of kids constantly. I can't just hide or go to another area or whatever if I'm upset. I can't just sulk off to myself. They all see me. I just can't believe I lost it. My principal was so understanding and reassuring about me, my job, etc. But still.
So now I'm at home. I hate the person that I've become.
A little background. I have a class of seniors now (it's a semester class, so I've only had them for about a week and a half) and THREE of the girls are moms. Two of these moms are actually at home now because they just gave birth a few weeks ago. That leaves one right now in my class. She's a nice girl. You may be thinking, how nice can she be? She had a child at 17? Well honestly, how many of us were having sex at 17? I sure as hell was a bit more responsible about it but anyway, I digress.
It started off innocently enough. Another colleague/friend was in the room with me for that class to help me launch a project. The mom came up to me before class started and asked if she could go out to her car. Why? Because she forgot her breast pump. I told her to check in with the office, but sure.
I then turned to my friend and said...how am I supposed to do this every day? I have three girls in here who are moms and I can't have a baby. I lost it.
I went down to talk to my principal to ask to go home and just sobbed. I am just so mad at myself. I try so hard everyday but being a teacher makes it tough. I'm in front of kids constantly. I can't just hide or go to another area or whatever if I'm upset. I can't just sulk off to myself. They all see me. I just can't believe I lost it. My principal was so understanding and reassuring about me, my job, etc. But still.
So now I'm at home. I hate the person that I've become.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Hip, Hip, HOORAY!!
This is fitting for my 100th post! I suppose I have much to say since I've only been blogging since October!
Just got back from the RE. No more scar tissue! YAY!!!! For the rest of this cycle, I'm taking estrogen as I am now to increase my lining to be sure the scar tissue won't start to redevelop (mainly as a precaution). Then, we're on for next cycle. A couple of other things she said:
-she doesn't see any reason why we won't be successful and why I wouldn't be able to carry to term. I asked her if I have the same chance as a "normal" woman and she said no, but your risk is only slightly higher because of your history.
-the day I get my BFP I'm to start my Loveno.x and to call for betas and to have my progesterone checked
-I am to see her in six months if I haven't already gotten pregnant.
She was relieved that it was gone and very hopeful, which was so nice. She also cried from laughing when I told her that the foot spray for my ladypart had alcohol in it!!
Thanks everyone for your kind words yesterday. :)
Just got back from the RE. No more scar tissue! YAY!!!! For the rest of this cycle, I'm taking estrogen as I am now to increase my lining to be sure the scar tissue won't start to redevelop (mainly as a precaution). Then, we're on for next cycle. A couple of other things she said:
-she doesn't see any reason why we won't be successful and why I wouldn't be able to carry to term. I asked her if I have the same chance as a "normal" woman and she said no, but your risk is only slightly higher because of your history.
-the day I get my BFP I'm to start my Loveno.x and to call for betas and to have my progesterone checked
-I am to see her in six months if I haven't already gotten pregnant.
She was relieved that it was gone and very hopeful, which was so nice. She also cried from laughing when I told her that the foot spray for my ladypart had alcohol in it!!
Thanks everyone for your kind words yesterday. :)
Monday, February 1, 2010
Tomorrow
I'm scared. Tomorrow is my follow-up with my RE and I have my office hysteroscopy. Tomorrow is also the talk about "the plan" and hopefully the all clear to start trying again next cycle. I just keep thinking about my last follow-up. You remember, the one where I found out that the scar tissue was back and I have another hysteroscopy in the hospital the next day. My appointment is at 1:20 and I'm getting sick to my stomach just thinking about it.
In better news:
1. Mr SC is doing better. Not good by any means, but better.
2. We got a 42" LCD TV today. They come to hook up the HD box Wednesday. Ahhh...all in time for the Superbow.l!!
3. Tomorrow I'm officially starting to try to lose weight. Period. I'm tired of feeling like a big, squishy blog. I'm thankful that when I gain weight I gain it all over and not in one spot, but still. Tomorrow is it.
4. I have a half day tomorrow for my appointment. I'm coming home and making shrimp soup for lunch and then we're off.
Please keep things crossed for me!
In better news:
1. Mr SC is doing better. Not good by any means, but better.
2. We got a 42" LCD TV today. They come to hook up the HD box Wednesday. Ahhh...all in time for the Superbow.l!!
3. Tomorrow I'm officially starting to try to lose weight. Period. I'm tired of feeling like a big, squishy blog. I'm thankful that when I gain weight I gain it all over and not in one spot, but still. Tomorrow is it.
4. I have a half day tomorrow for my appointment. I'm coming home and making shrimp soup for lunch and then we're off.
Please keep things crossed for me!
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